Chapter 111: Unstable

Nel

“You’re kidding me, right?”

He turns and stares at me, completely stupefied. Okay, I guess he seriously wants to show up at his penthouse as if nothing happened. Everything is normal. We’re not hiding from anyone. So why is it inappropriate to announce our arrival in Southville with all formality? Reality check, Nicholas…

“What was the point of this entire road trip if we just showed up in front of everyone, Nick?” I tell him, massaging my temples and trying my best to keep my temper under control.

Sleep has been tough and rare after that strange incident in Whitemountain. My appetite has also changed and I’m having terrible issues with my stomach every time I eat. Nick has been observing me in silence for the past three days. I can tell that he’s itching to ask more, but has decided against it and sticks to it. In all honesty, I’m grateful for this, because I’ve no idea how to explain what happened, or what it meant at all.

During our trip, in a weak moment of mine, I told him about my nightmares. And of course, I regretted it right away. My heart desperately wants to believe his intentions are pure. He’s been nothing but supportive and understanding since I woke up in Eastport after the second ambush. He even let me mark him, my mind adds, but there’s something I can’t overcome yet. Sometimes our rocky introduction still makes me terrified of him. It seems irrational given all his effort, but I’m afraid he’ll flip at some point and lock me up in that basement again and whip me to my death.

I wish I could talk to Linda about the weird vision, but at this moment my trust for her is almost the same as for any of them… that is not at all. As soon as we arrive, I must find Greg. I’m certain they will have summoned him here by now. After all, we took the long way back. There would be no reason for him to stay in Eastport anymore. The only problem is that, as Nick informed me, he’s currently living in that hated compound where the penthouse is, so I guess I’ll have to figure out something else.

“Then what do you suggest?”

His hesitant voice destroys my plan-making. Even this attitude of him treating me like a ticking bomb annoys me. Okay, I might be one, but I didn’t choose this, damn it. I don’t mean to carry this darkness inside of me. It’s frustrating that nobody engages me in any conversation about it, and they prefer covered whispers behind my back instead. It only adds fuel to my annoyance, and it amplifies the problem. The trip with Nick, and the carefree moments we spent there, were a much-needed break from all this. But as we close in on where it should all end, my nervousness grows wild. It would help if I could share that, at least with my mate…

“I’m waiting for an answer here, your highness!”

My head snaps in his direction and I can immediately tell the unmistakable sparkle of his pendant under his shirt. This stupid artifact is also getting on my nerves too much lately. My head is banging, so I roll my head back to my seat and close my eyes. The car has come to a stop.

I know I’m overreacting.

He needs directions about where to go. We should head somewhere, after all, and call it a night. Then we can start planning big in the morning. I’m still very insecure about the meaning of the ‘before it’s too late’ part of the crazy voice’s warning. My head goes through all answers and I can’t believe how short-sighted we were. It’s so childish that my plan only reached so far as arriving in Southville and I left the rest to the unhinged voice. It never wakes up unless I am in grave danger, so for now, I guess we’ve taken the right steps. No matter how much I try to find another solution, I see none…

“Head to the north woods. We’ll sleep at my old home tonight, and we’ll figure out the rest in the morning.”

If he’s surprised by my suggestion, then he doesn’t show it. Still, his fingers flex and tighten around the wheel. Awkward as it may be, I can't think of any other solution. Only the members of my team know about the cabin, and I can trust them with my eyes closed. So I’ll have to put my inhibitions aside and take this opportunity.

Twenty minutes later, we arrive at the edge of the woods. It’s safer if the car doesn’t come any further, so as not to risk getting spotted. We walk with ease next to each other, carrying what we need for the night in our backpacks. Every step that I take toward the place I once called my home feels significantly heavier than the previous one. Nick’s presence next to me fills me with guilt once again. Am I indeed about to bring Tim’s killer to our nest? Why do I always perplex things? I should have had a simple life. Why did I leave Northam in the first place? It would all be more simple if I never came to Southville, no matter what Greg says about it.

Silence fills our short walk till the wooden cabin comes into sight. As if no time has passed, I fumble under the third flowerpot where we hid the emergency spare key, and open the door, leaving it open behind me for Nick.

Still, no footsteps follow me, and when I turn to check why, I see him a couple of feet away from the steps, studying me with his grey orbs shining under the moonlight.

“You’re no vampire, Nicholas. You can come in without an invitation, you know.”

“I could turn and sleep outside if it makes you feel better. I’ll stay close to watch over you while you get some rest.”

“What would the pack say? The ungrateful bitch leaving their Alpha outside, like a stray dog…”

His fingers point at my mark on his neck.

“Do you still think that I care about what they’ll say? I made this mistake once, not gonna risk it a second time.”

I extend my arm to him, inviting him to come and hug me. This place is full of loving memories for me. I can’t stand to face it alone. He follows my lead and pulls me in his brawny arms, turning us around and cornering me on the nearest wall.

“I’m not him, Nel. I may never get a place in your heart like he had, nor in this small home where you feel so much at ease. This is your haven and my presence here disturbs your sanity,” he says, and his teeth nibble at my lower lip.

His need is palpable in his tone. The once cold and reserved male is now exposing himself to me, allowing me to touch his insecurities. My love for Tim and the guilt that derives from it have been a thorn in our relationship since day one.

“But he’s gone. I don’t want to risk sounding vain, but I believe he chose to withdraw from your life for his own reasons. Stop punishing yourself.”

Once again, my voice sounds almost foreign to my ears as the words escape my mouth.

“Please stay! Don’t leave me alone with my memories. Hold me to chase the nightmares away for tonight. It’s not the luxurious type of accommodation you’re used to, but I will clean up and change linens and we should be okay for one night. We don’t know what tomorrow may bring anyway…”

His eyes roam around. I sense through our bond something torturing him. I can tell what it is even without him expressing it. It’s too awkward to talk about, and it’s hanging like a dark cloud above us.

More than my relationship with Tim, my not being a virgin, maybe even worse than my love for him.

It’s the fact that I recognized our bond before our actual meeting and I decided to go through my heat with Tim without giving him any choice in this matter. It’s been there in every single tense moment between us. He’s hinted at it every time he’s furious with me for whatever reason and I always skip the subject, because I don’t want to go there. I have nothing more to add to this. I can’t and would still not choose to change any part of it, even if time travel was a thing.

“Yes, it was here…” I answer his unspoken question. “You don’t have to stay if it makes you uncomfortable, Nick. Just return to the penthouse. I’ll be fine on my own. Forget what I said before. It was just a moment of weakness. I’m a big girl. I can manage.”

His one hand slips behind my back, reaching for my hair, and tugging it back so that my eyes meet his.

“There’s nothing I desire more than staying here with you and teaching you a lesson for this. Don’t expect me to hold back, though. I told you… I’m not him… I want to own you, Nelly. I want you to scream for me. To cream your panties in your sleep even at the sole remembrance of this night. Say yes at your own risk. If you do, there’s no stopping me afterwards…”

_______

What got to me and I said yes to him? How did I allow this here? Nick’s sleeping form, where Tim once used to lie, is too hard for me to stand. He looks happy and content. I should be too, but my mourning has resurfaced and I can’t bury it right now.

I need some fresh air!

How am I supposed to make a proper plan for finding the truth about Linda’s sudden departure, and how I should navigate against the coven when my mind is so foggy with my emotions?

With one last caress to his naked chest, I jump out of bed, throw on the first decent black clothes I find in my wardrobe, and run out without casting a second glance behind. For if I do, I won’t leave. I will crawl all the way to my mate’s bare torso and snuggle there till the dawn finds us.

I take the same itinerary we used every morning with Tim. Only this time, I carry a backpack for my clothes in. No going back naked and lying under the sun. Like a lunatic or a maniac, I undress, tossing all items in the bag and fall to my knees, surrendering my control to Ellie. Let her run all she needs, howl as much as her lungs can support. Maybe it’ll help us soothe this ache in our chest.

Tim’s words come back again and again…

‘It’s your fated other half we’re talking about and what you’re asking from me is seriously fucked up… You’ll most probably ruin all your chances with him…’

That’s what it was supposed to do… Ruin all our chances.

Why didn’t it work?

Why does he insist on staying there, begging to be consumed by my darkness?

Why didn’t he save himself from the tainted, unhinged mate that the Goddess granted him when he had time?

Ellie runs and runs around the familiar part of the forest, but it’s not enough. She heads west towards the direction of the Black Moon territory, but returns before crossing it. Her pain is just too much. Her inability to process the change in us is even worse. The morning finds us returning to retrieve our bag in a horrible state.

My legs wobble from running for all these hours right after our previous hard ‘exercise’. A slow drizzle gradually soaks my clothes. Each step is heavier. I must find Greg. Only he can help me soothe the turmoil inside. His solid logic is what will save me. Just a little bit more and I’ll be outside GoldenChem. It’s almost time he goes to work.

Damn, who says he’d even go to work under such circumstances? But what choice do I have?

“And now spill it all. What happened at the airport?”

Wait a moment… I know this voice.

The sound of the approaching conversation urges me to retreat to the closest dark side, seconds before reaching the entrance. My back connects firmly to the wall, and I try my best to make no sound at all. Although I can’t see the owner of the voice, I’m sure it’s Greg’s friend, the one with the glasses who was always accompanying Nick. For a swift moment, walking out of my hiding spot to confront him crosses my mind. But then my curiosity about what caused him this much distress gets the best of me and I stay still, stealthing like the good old times…

Bob

Leo returned from the airport as pale as a ghost. Throughout the meeting with Matt and Greg, his eyes were blank and glued to the floor. The rest of the day was no better, either. Greg retired to his apartment right after Matt updated him on recent discoveries, not to show up again at the lab or the training court. It’s possibly just my idea, but I didn’t get the impression he was as shocked as the rest of us with what he learned. Could Josh have shared these before? I may like him, but trusting him becomes more difficult each time we meet. Sure, he’s a genius, but this rogue group has turned him a bit too shady for my preferences.

After that, nothing interesting or exciting happened. Matt, Marco and the witch are off to some urgent, secret mission. Josh stayed here with me and Ron, who joined us. At least someone was pleased with his presence here. Of course, most pack members didn’t particularly welcome the idea of the ex-Black-Moon Beta, and current rogue leader, spending the day in their pack house.

I wished I could call in sick and hide in my old office. Still, with everyone else absent, and James, as always at the business group headquarters, it would be me or Liberty who would stay in charge. And I indeed doubt she’s suitable for such a responsibility, so I had to suck it up and remain focused on my duty.

However, today is a new day, and my mission for it is to find out what on earth is going on in my friend’s head. I’ve tried too many times to get him to confide in me about what really happened between him and Greg. It’s crystal clear that there’s more than he says, and it’s eating him up.

Every time, my timing is worse than the previous, though. We never manage to sit down and talk. The opportunity arises when an experiment goes wrong and we need to hurry to the company lab instead. Far from all the curious wolves’ ears, I know I must corner him while we’re alone, or else he’ll slip away again.

“And now spill it all… What happened at the airport?”

He shrugs and tries to skip it, just as I predicted. But I won’t let him escape.

“Leo, I’m serious. I’ve been chasing you around and asking you the same question since Greg returned from Northam the first time. Talk to me, Leo. We’re best friends. Remember?”

“What do you want me to tell you, Bob? You’ve got eyes. You have certainly realized I’ve fallen hard. But it’s not meant to be, okay? Since day one, he’s been emotionally unavailable. And right when I thought that despite all the turmoil, we had our own affairs settled… I went to pick him up from the airport yesterday and his damned fool of a mate appeared out of the blue.”

“Alpha William?” I say, dumbfounded. “But Greg had told us the guy rejected him at first sight…”

“That’s the thing, Bob. Greg never accepted his rejection. He said he had more important issues to handle. Yet, yesterday he chose to stay behind with him while he dismissed me to wait for him like a fool in the car. And as you saw, right after the meeting, he disappeared, not even casting an extra glance my way. That’s why I’m telling you… The sooner I get over…”

A barely-there sound catches my attention and I put my hand up to silence him.

“Who’s that?”

No response. I run as fast as I can around the corner to catch whoever was listening in on us, but there’s no sign of a person passing from there. The soft autumn rain doesn’t help me pick a scent either. Who knows? Maybe it was a figment of my imagination. My nerves have been too tense lately, I think on my way back to Leo, who’s waiting for me to finally go to work…