Chapter 4

As the next few days pass, keeping Harper at arm’s length proves to be tougher than I imagined. Now that he and Jasper are talking again, he’s been over for dinner every night. I honestly don’t mind, however whenever Jasper isn’t looking, Harper takes the chance to steal glances at me. Not just normal glances either. Glances that say I want to rip your clothes off and take you on the table with the roast beef and mash potatoes.

I can’t let Harper get to me. This isn’t an easy fix either. He cheated and left. Just because he regrets it doesn’t mean I can just open back up for him. I’m married to Jasper now and having Harper give me sultry looks while passing the gravy is just inappropriate.

It’s hard not to think back to all the nice time just me and Harper had. I always tried to go the extra mile to make sure Harper knew how much he was loved. He and Jasper have different styles of spending time with me, but the most peaceful and pleasant of times was with Harper. I admired his gentleness with me and how easy it was to just lay around in silence with him. I miss it. I miss him, but he lost all of that.

Friday night rolls around and Lea comes over for our weekly movie night. We’ve become so close over the past few months and we’re pretty much inseparable. Of course, Harper is also here hanging out with Jasper, but try not to think about that.

Lea and I gather our snacks into the living room, piling them on the coffee table next to the box of pizza.

“So, what are we watching?” Lea asks as she bounces on the couch, cell phone in hand.

“You won’t be watching anything if you don’t stop texting Elijah.” I frown as she rolls her eyes, still looking at the screen.

Ever since I pushed her and Elijah together, they’ve been like Gorilla Glue, constantly stuck together. I personally think it’s adorable and it’s exactly what Lea needs in her life, but it’s ruining our movie night.

Finally, she sends one last text and sits the phone down dramatically.

“Happy now, bossy pants?”

I throw an M&M at her.

“Yes!”

Lea looks down, finds the M&M in her lap, and eats it.

Flopping down next to her, we start watching Divergent. We laugh, talk, and eat for most of the night and end up watching two more movies before Lea’s sugar high puts her into a coma. When her snoring makes it unbearable to continue watching the movie, I gather the trash and head to the kitchen.

It’s a little after 1 am so imagine my surprise to see Jasper and Harper in the kitchen, each holding a beer.

“God, what are you two still doing up?” I dump the candy wrappers in the trash before sitting the leftover pizza on the counter.

“Just lost track of time talking,” Jasper says as he comes over to me and kisses my forehead. “Lea, sleep?”

“Yes. After a bag full of Laffy Taffys, two Snickers, and a half-liter of Coke, she is out like a light.”

Harper and Jasper chuckle and I shake my head. “So, what are you two talking about at this hour?”

They both look at each other briefly and I have an idea that the elephant in the room is me. Neither says anything and it only confirms my assumption.

“Well, never mind then.” I force a smile and try to turn back to the living room, but Jasper locks me in his arm.

“It’s nothing serious, baby. Just talking things out. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

“Well yes, but I didn’t intend on the conversations to be secretive. I’m still apart of this too. I think I deserve to know what’s being said about me. I’m not a kid anymore. I have been a part of grown of conversations.” I don’t realize I’m pouting until Jasper rubs his thumb over the wrinkles in my forehead.

“I was just telling Jasper that I never had true feelings for Claire.” Harper blurts out and all the air in my lungs suddenly disappears.

“What?” I shake my head, so confused all of a sudden.

“I never liked or even loved Claire. I was only with her because I thought I needed to let you two be together without me being in the way.” Harper’s expression is a mix of guilt and relief.

For some reason, I get a burning sensation in my chest and anger just takes over.

“That wasn’t your choice. How dare you? I loved you, Harper. I loved you so much and you didn’t even have feelings for Claire. So not only did you completely break my heart, but you used Claire for your own selfishness.” My eyes start to water and I feel Jasper’s arm tighten around me. I don’t want to be touched right now though. I step away from Jasper and run my fingers through my hair.

“So, what do you want now? You want back in? Do you want me? What do you want Harper?”

“I…I want another chance.”

“I’m married! I’m married to your brother! How would that even work now? This isn’t an arrangement anymore.”

“Eden, can I have a word with you for a moment,” Jasper says my name, but I ignore him as I glare at Harper.

“Eden, now,” Jasper says again this time his tone is laced with heavy authority.

He takes me by the wrist and pulls me towards his office. Inside he closes the door and points to a chair.

“Sit down.”

I do as I’m told and he turns the chair slightly, kneeling between my legs. When his eyes find mine, I can’t hold it in anymore. Tears spring from my eyes and I shake my head. Jasper runs his hands over my thighs and lets me cry for a minute.

“I thought I could handle having him around, but I can’t.”

“Why?” Jasper says as he leans forward, pressing his forehead against mine.

I don’t want to say the words because I don’t know how Jasper will react. He may get angry or upset about it, but I can’t help how I feel. I can’t just lock all these feelings away as he has. After Harper left I bottled all the feelings up for him, but now that Harper’s around, it’s like a fresh wound “Because I still love him.” I sniff and when I look up at Jasper, he smiles softly.

“I know, Eden.”

“You do?” My voice perks up in surprise.

“Of course, baby. I never expected you to stop loving Harper. He’s important to you whether you want to admit it or not. I’m not blind, Eden. I see the way you two have been looking at each other these past few days.

“You have? Are you mad?”

Jasper chuckles and shakes his head. “No, I’m not mad. I just want to make sure you’re okay. I don’t need you blocking me out. If you feel something strongly then you need to tell me. That’s what we agree on when you started seeing the therapist.”

I’d been seeing a shrink for a while to deal with the emotional scars left over from dealing with my hectic adolescent life leading up to the death of my father. It most definitely took a toll on me to the point where I had to ask for help. Now I see Dr. Berg every Sunday morning for weekly sessions.

“I know. I just didn’t know how to tell you. That night when I went to his place, it came crashing back down on me. The tension was so thick and suffocating.”

“It’s okay to feel those things, Eden.”

“But we’re married. Isn’t that wrong?” I frown, but Jasper manages to keep a straight face.

“Baby when has we ever gone by the book? Look, you don’t have to figure this out right now. You don’t have to forgive Harper. You don’t have to let him in if you don’t want to. Just give it time.”

“Have you forgiven him?”

“No, I haven’t, but I’m working on it.” He nods and I feel a little weight lift off my shoulders. He’s right. I don’t need to figure all this out at one time. It’s going to take time to build the trust back up with Harper. He shouldn’t expect me to just let everything go because he gets me all worked up.

Dr. Berg is going to have a field day this coming Sunday.

When I’m done talking to Jasper, we go back into the kitchen, and Harper is gone. Guilt immediately crashes down on me. My outburst has run him away. On the counter, there’s a note saying that he left and will see us at work Monday.

Sighing, I crumple the note up and throw it in the trash.

“I’m an idiot.”

“No. you’re not, babe. He’ll be fine. Everyone just needs to take a breather. Come on let’s get to bed.”

Upstairs, Jasper undresses me and throws me onto the bed before diving between my legs. The moment his tongue touches me all my frustration melts away. His mouth alone makes me come twice and by the time he’s undoing his pants, I’m exhausted, but I’m not waving a white flag. No, I need this. Jasper doesn’t bother taking off his pants. He just releases his hardened member and crawls up the bed, spreading my legs apart. Hovering over me, his free hand firmly wraps around my neck and I moan as his slips into my opening with ease. He doesn’t pull back to let me adjust and the pain mixed with the pleasure of him stretching me nearly sends me over right them. I will always love and crave how rough Jasper is. He puts his all into each thrust and I’m never unsatisfied. It’s just the way he is. Rough and passionate.

The rest of the weekend neither of us hear from Harper and I start to worry. I express this to Dr. Berg, but he basically says the same thing Jasper said. I have to give it time. I thought I’d given it plenty of time, but Dr. Berg made me realize that all these months of not talking about it has just built up an emotional wall. Nothing has been resolved. I spent so much time trying to repair Jasper and Harper that I forgot to repair myself. I put my own feelings on a back burning for the two men I love.

On Monday, I’m anxious to get to work to talk to Harper. Jasper tries to make small talk, but I just can’t manage. I’m too busy rehearsing what I’m going to say and how many times I’m going to apologize for the way I acted Friday night. I want him to understand that things are going to have to go slow with us. We need to build our relationship back up. It’s easier for Jasper to mend the relationship because Harper is his brother. It’s going to take a lot more effort with me.

At the office, I let Jasper off on our floor and ride up to Harper’s. When I get off a few employees gawk at me as if it’s odd to see me up here. A few people began their own rumor mill on why Jasper and Harper fell off and of course I was in the middle of it. I’ve heard that I made them fight over me or I was playing both of them. No one ever speculated that maybe we were all in on the affair. I guess something like that is just too scandalous to believe.

Ignoring the stares and whispers, I walk up to Harper’s door and knock firmly. When I hear him tell me to come in, I open the door. Clearly not expecting me, his eyes stay down on a file open on his desk.

“You can leave the papers on the table.” He mumbles and I raise an eyebrow.

“Last time I checked, I don’t work for you anymore,” I smirk as his head flies up and his eyes widen.

“Eden, I’m sorry. I wasn’t expecting you.”

“Obviously.” I snort and he stands. “Please sit.”

I walk across the office and take a seat as he sits back down.

“What can I help you with?”

“I’m here to apologize, Harper. I didn’t act myself Friday night. It was totally out of character.” I shake my head.

“No, I deserve it. I’m walking around acting as we can just pick up where we left off and that isn’t the case.”

Nodding, I don’t quite know what to say to that. I was expecting to come in here and have him not understand where I was coming from, but he understands perfectly.

“Yes, and I can’t do that. I need to take things slow. When I met you, you told me I could trust you and I did. I trusted you with all my heart and then you broke that trust. Emotionally I’m not ready to just go back to that. Physically I am still very much attracted to you, but I can’t let that shadow the bigger issue. I want to work on getting to a better place with you.”

“I’m glad you feel that way, Eden. I want you to be able to trust me again whether it’s platonic or not. I’m damn sure still attracted to you in every way, but I will try to control myself from now on. I promise.” He smiles and I can’t help, but return the gesture.

“Good.” I nod “Well, that went a lot smoother than I had anticipated. I should get to work. I’ll be sure to send Gary when I get to my desk. I know he’s down there.”

Harper laughs as we both stand and head to the door. I’m about to reach for the doorknob when suddenly, Harper gently grabs my wrist. I turn and look up at him and his eyes burn into mine.

“I really do want to fix us, Eden. I miss the hell out of you.”

“I…I miss you too.” I stutter out, taken back by how close he is right now.

His scent is a mix of coffee and that familiar cologne that makes my knees all wobbly. I’m about to pull away, but Harper moves first causing me to freeze. He leans down and gently presses his lips against mine. It’s so soft and sincere that it sends my tummy into knots. When he realizes that I’m not pulling away or smacking him, he pulls back and kisses my nose then forehead.

I exhale softly and open my eyes, feeling like I’m floating on a cloud. “Harper.”

“I know I shouldn’t have done that, but I had to. I swear I’m going to make you trust me again, baby.”

I almost whimper at his words, but I manage to hold it in. Backing away, he lets my wrist go and I walk out of his office. Ignoring the same eyes that followed me in here, I get on the elevator.

This is going to be a lot harder than I thought.