Chapter 7

The city is quiet. Peaceful. Asleep under its blanket of cloudy darkness. A little slice of heaven as far as I’m concerned.

Not sure if it’s the absence of the steady drone of sniffling sobs or being away from the cloud of sorrow hanging over my people that’s giving me this false sense of calm. Maybe it’s simply the company of the man at my side. Whatever it is, this is the most tranquil I’ve felt in a while. My mind is focused on the task at hand, my guilt and grief tamped down. For now. I know I’ll have to face it sooner or later. I know that, but my priority right now is keeping my wits sharp and on the lookout for any dangers awaiting us in the dark.

We slipped out of the library without any fanfare, not telling any of the crew of our plan. They would have insisted on coming along, and they all needed this rest. The only ones who knew we left were Cookie and Morley, and with the promise of food upon our return, Morley was all for it. Why wouldn’t he be? All the rewards and none of the danger.

We walk in silence, our footsteps muffled by the sea of leaves and dead vegetation littering the city streets. If I don’t think about it too hard, I can almost convince myself it’s like old times. Luke and I out on a run. Watching each other’s backs. Talking silliness. Knowing we’d be together later back in the privacy of our rooms. But then all the other shit burrows its way into my brain, and the realization that it’s not like old times hits me hard.

Everything is messed up now. As if it wasn’t already fucking messed up enough.

I sigh to myself, and the breath crystalizes in front of my face. It’s cold. Winter is coming fast. Gordo was right. It is colder than a polar bear’s ass. I snort to myself as I remember his words. It really was hilarious. I swear I don’t know how he comes up with such shit.

“What’s so funny?” Luke’s deep voice rumbles at me through the dark. He hasn’t spoken for the past two hours at least, and the question startles me.

“Nothing really. I was just thinking about something stupid Gordo said.”

“Considering practically everything he says is inane, then you have a lot of food for thought.”

My snort turns into a bark of laughter as a tiny shot of warmth sparks in my gut. Luke just made a joke. He actually joked with me. I’ve become so used to his sarcasm and coldness these past few weeks, the joke seems foreign.

“Tell me something I don’t know,” I shoot back. “That kid is so full of useless crap it’s no wonder his eyes are shit-brown.”

He chuckles softly, and the spark ignites into a flame. I’ve missed that laugh.

“It’s not nice to pick on Gordo when he’s not here to defend himself,” Luke chides, and I snort again.

“I’m not saying anything behind his back that I haven’t already said to his face.”

“True dat.”

“True dat?” I repeat. “What the fuck, Luke? I swear to god if you break into your valley girl impersonation or some other shit, I will throat punch you. Hard.”

“Always with the threats,” he sighs.

“True dat.”

His laughter is genuine, and the warmth floods my body from head to toe. His laughter tapers off, and we fall back into silence, listening for anything out of place. The night is still quiet, however. Cold enough to keep the predators inside I’m guessing. I’m okay with that.

We continue without another word, but the silence is more companionable now and less of the awkward, walking-on-glass type. I like this better. I’ve missed this, even though I know I got to ruin it by talking about Amy and her connection to the QL’s. I don’t want to bring it up. I don’t want to talk about Sam and Amy, not yet, but I know I have to. It’s all I’ve been able to think about for the past few hours. No more keeping secrets. I clear my throat and open my mouth to break the silence, but he beats me to it.

“Bix?”

“Yeah?”

“I haven’t had a chance to thank you for saving my life back there in the subway. Thank you for coming back for me.”

“We don’t leave any of our crew behind; you know that. Would have gone back even for Dom, though I’m not sure I would have taken on the friendly giant for him. Fucker nearly squashed me like a pancake. He was ginormous. So the way I see it, you saved me from a hellish death of starvation from being pinned under Goliath.”

“We were always good at saving each other’s asses. That was our thing.”

“Was? What do you mean was? That is our thing, dude. We’re like Bonnie and Clyde.”

He glances over at me, and I can see his smile through the gloom as we start our familiar game.

“Scully and Mulder.”

“Wilma and Fred.”

“Popeye and Olive Oyl.”

“Sherlock and Watson.”

“Superman and Lois Lane.”

“Jane and Tarzan.”

“Boris and Natasha.”

I send him some sideways shade. “Okay. You got me. I don’t know that one. Who the hell are Boris and Natasha?”

“Really? Rocky and Bullwinkle cartoon? What kind of childhood did you lead if you don’t know Boris and Natasha?”

“A fucked up one as you very well know.”

“Oh. Yeah. Right. I forgot.” He slaps a hand on my back, nearly knocking me over. “Sorry you’re so fucked up that you don’t know Boris and Natasha.”

“Ass,” I throw his way, but he laughs at me instead of taking offence. Just like old times. Now, I gotta go and ruin it. I so don’t want to start this. I take a deep breath anyway and go for it.

“Luke, there’s something I have to tell you.”

I sense rather than see his subtle change as the wall drops between us once again.

“You know, I’m really starting to hate those words, Bix. I wish for once we could just have a normal conversation.”

“Yeah, well, this ain’t it.”

“I figured as much. Spill it.”

I swallow the lump in my throat. It sits uneasily on top of the one in my gut. “You know that thing Amy said about the hybrids? About her telling them where we were? She wasn’t just saying that to save Sam. She was speaking the truth. For some reason, she understands them. And if I didn’t know any better, I swear they understand her, too. The one that tried to take me out? She was telling it not to, and I think it was actually listening to her for a moment.”

He stays quiet, processing the information.

“Are you positive? Could she be lying?”

“Come on, Luke. Amy doesn’t know how to lie. You know that.”

“But it doesn’t make any fucking sense. How is that even possible? Amy has never had contact with the queen leeches. Not like Sam.”

“I really don’t know. All I heard was gurgling, but to her, it was like she understood its noise as words.”

He thinks a bit more. “Did it seem to have control over her? Like Sam?”

I shake my head. “No. Not at all. In fact, I think it was pissed because it couldn’t control her.”

“So now you’re saying we have two possible threats in our camp?”

“I didn’t say they were threats at all. Don’t put words in my mouth.”

“Then what are you implying?”

“Nothing. I just don’t want to keep anything hidden from you anymore.”

His weary sigh conveys both our moods. “This is so messed up.”

“I agree. And there’s more.”

“Christ,” he mutters and runs a hand over his eyes. “What is it.”

“Remember how I said we didn’t manage to get all of our people?”

He nods. “I figured the ones missing were already… used for other purposes.” His words are thick with disgust.

“Some probably, yeah. But Jess told me at the library there’s another reason. Her and Cookie overheard some of the ravagers talking. The Grand’s people were given to the queen leeches as sacrifices.”

I can feel his eyes burning through me, even in the dark. “What the fuck do you mean, sacrifices?”

“I really don’t know. That’s all they heard. Gunner took them away as offerings.”

“Took them away where?”

“They don’t know.” I shrug, wishing I had better things to tell him. “What do we do now?”

“How the fuck do I know?” he snaps, and I recoil like he’s taken a punch at me. “I don’t know what the hell I’m doing here, Bix. I’m in the dark. I’m not a leader. That was Coop’s thing, and he’s no longer here.”

The fear and frustration in his voice rips at my heart. All the mistrust and anger of the past few weeks fades away as I reach for his hand in the dark, linking his fingers with mine. He stops walking, and I turn to face him, staring up into his dark eyes.

“You are a leader, Luke. You keep us alive and out of harm’s way every freakin’ day. You put everyone’s safety before your own. You’d lay your life on the line for every single one of us without a moment’s hesitation. Christ, you just saved our people from a grisly fate. If that isn’t the definition of a leader, then I don’t know what is. Everyone would follow you to the ends of the earth, including me. Coop would be damn proud of you.”

He grips my fingers tight. I can’t quite see in the dark, but I know that tic is twitching above his left eye like it always does when he’s pissed or upset.

“Then why do I feel like whatever decision I make I’m going to get someone hurt, or worse, killed? I don’t know if I can do this anymore.”

He sounds so lost. So vulnerable. Like a scared little boy, and I just want to pull him into my arms and tell him everything will be okay.

“Luke—”

The crash of lightening overhead explodes out of nowhere, crackling along the sky and lighting up our world with dazzling sparks. Thunder booms, intensifying in sound as it bounces off the buildings surrounding us and echoes down the street. And just like that, the sky rips open, releasing a torrential downpour of rain mixed with hail.

“You gotta be kidding me,” I scream at the sky as ice splatters my neck and face.

As pissed as I am, Luke looks up into the sky and starts laughing. He fucking laughs. Grabbing my hand tight, he tugs on my arm.

“Come on. The safe house’s not that far away. We can make it. We just have to run.”

“Wait. No, I don’t want to run. I’m tired.” Ignoring my whining, he almost yanks my arm out of joint as he starts dragging me down the street.

“Too bad, wimp. This was your idea.”

“Yeah, and I’m really starting to regret it,” I say, but deep down I know I don’t mean it. I’d risk hypothermia if it meant having those few moments of normalcy with Luke again.

# # #

By the time we finally hit the safe house, we’re soaked to the skin and blue from the cold. My jaws are quivering so badly I expect to start spitting out teeth soon. We stumble into the room holding our supplies, and I’m stoked to see everything appears intact, even the radio. Morley was true to his word. They hadn’t raided this one.

“We… need… fire.” I try to speak without chattering but fail miserably.

“On it,” Luke replies. “Dig out a couple of the sleeping bags.”

I jerk and shimmy my way across the room to the rolled bags leaning against the wall. Reaching out with a jittery hand, I grab the first bag only to find it soaked and partially frozen against the exterior wall. I notice the ice then, snaking down the wall and realize the bags are sitting right underneath a bad leak. Shit. Bad planning on our part. I reach for the next bag, only to find the same soggy mess. Out of the five bags, only one hidden under the others had survived the leak. I confiscate it and make my way back to Luke who has the heater can flickering with flame.

“Thank… God,” I try to say, my words mangled by my chattering teeth. Luke glances over at me.

“Get those wet clothes off and into a sleeping bag in front of this.” He points to the flaming can on the floor.

I hold up my prize. “Only… one… bag. Rest…. wet.”

“Fuck,” he mutters as I start shivering so much it feels like I’m having a seizure. “Take off the wet clothes, Bix. You need to get your body temp back up.”

He moves one of the metal shelving units from the wall and places it so the bottom wire rack hovers over the heater. Hanging his dripping jacket on one corner, he turns and holds a hand out for mine. I try to unzip it, but my hand shakes so badly I can’t get the stupid thing down. Luke steps closer and pushes my hand out of the way, doing it himself. He helps me remove it, hanging it on the other corner. He’s quickly back.

“Arms up,” he orders, and I do as he says. In seconds both my tee and my undershirt are pulled over my head, baring my chest to his gaze. Heat flames into my cheeks, more excitement than embarrassment I’m ashamed to admit. I quickly deflate; however, when his cool gaze rakes past my bare breasts with no interest and he reaches for the button on my denims. His hands graze my stomach, and my body shudders in response to his touch. I’m thankful he’s unaware of the reaction his touch has on me since I’m already jerking around like a set of windup teeth. He tugs the denims down over my hips. They fight him all the way, sticking to me like damn glue, but finally he pushes me back onto the spread sleeping bag and pulls them off, boots, socks, and all. Like he’s dealing with a child, he tucks me into the cold bag, and I curl up in a fetal position, hugging myself and trying to stop the violent shivering. I hide my disappointment.

I tug the bag up to my nose and watch as he goes through the same procedure. Once he’s down to his undies, he starts wringing the water out of our clothes and spreads them over the wire rack. His back to me, I devour him with my eyes. Broad shoulders taper down to his narrow waist, and the wet shorts cling to his ass like a second skin. He has a beautiful ass, ain’t gonna lie, and I can’t tear my gaze away. I always was a sucker for a firm butt. My breath catches in my throat as the shorts are disposed of next, and that piece of anatomy is presented in its full glory. Like a dog spotting its favorite bone, I swallow the saliva pooling in my mouth.

Jesus, Bix. Get ahold of yourself.

“Enjoying the view?” he throws over his shoulder, as he places his underwear above the fire, and I jump like I’ve been caught with my hand in the cookie jar.

“Meh, I’ve seen better,” I squeak back. But my tone lacks any sarcastic conviction. He knows exactly what I’m thinking.

He chuckles as he turns, and I avert my eyes just in time. Last thing I want is to prove him right and have him catch me staring like some peepshow pervert.

“Make room,” he says as he pulls aside the cover of the sleeping bag, and I shriek in protest as the cold air slams against my bare skin. He falls beside me, pulling the bag over both of us, and I arch in protest as his ice-cold body snuggles against my back.

“Jesus, Whitman. You could have eased in,” I mutter in annoyance.

I can feel his rumbling laughter on my back. “I don’t remember you ever being the ‘ease in’ sort of girl.”

“Shut up, asshole.” I jab my elbow indiscriminately. He retaliates by sticking his two popsicle feet between my legs, and I shriek again and try to move away, but his arm snakes around my waist and pulls me in snug to his chest. It feels like every inch of my back and butt is pressed against his front. Every single part of his front.

My muscles freeze as that intimate part I remember so well nestles against the crevice of my behind. I suck in my breath. I’m afraid to breathe.

I stiffen, trying to control my shivering lest he realizes the tremors aren’t due to the cold anymore, but to his proximity. It takes every ounce of willpower not to turn over and claim the body that I know so well, but the fear of rejection niggles at the back of my brain.

Just do it.

The voice of insanity whispers in my head. Instead, I stiffen and try to move my thrumming lower extremities away from his without his realizing.

“Relax, Bix.” His breath tickles the back of my neck and sends a wave of desire washing over me. “We’re just sharing body heat. Nothing more. This isn’t the time for anything else, and besides I don’t want what you’re not one hundred percent willing to give.”

I hide the flash of disappointment at his words and bite my lips to stop the plea about to slip out. If only he knew how willing I was. So damn willing. But he’s right. This isn’t the time. We had way too much shit going on. Sex would only complicate things. Although it would be fucking fantastic sex, I bet. That thing he did with his tongue…

Stop it!

I scold myself as the desire heats up once again. To distract myself, I switch my line of thought to Amy and her confession, trying to forget about the beautiful specimen of a man lying naked next to me. It’s a damn hard battle.

I attempt to keep space between us, but the heat emanating from Luke finally seeps through my frozen body, and I relax against him. I can’t help it. His touch is so familiar. So reassuring. I snuggle deep, pressing against his body.

“I miss this,” I whisper finally, kind of hoping he doesn’t hear me. But it’s Luke. Of course, he does.

“Miss what? Almost freezing to death?” I know he’s teasing. He knows exactly what I mean.

“Our spooning. You were always a great spooner.”

His quiet snort tickles the top of my head. “Remind me to add great spooner to my resume. Should help with the next gigolo ad I apply for. Although, I’ll be willing to bet you say that to all the boys.”

“Only the ones with great asses,” I retort.

His laughter reverberates against my back again. “Ha! I knew you were admiring my butt.”

“Busted,” I admit, smiling to myself.

His arm grows tighter around my waist as he whispers in my ear. “I miss it too. If only things were the way they were before.”

My heart flips into overdrive, and I close my eyes to stop the tears springing up. I’m afraid to ask what he means. The words sound so final that I don’t want to know.

Afraid he’ll say something I don’t want to hear, I change the subject. “How long do we stay here?” I ask.

“Until morning. By that time our clothes should be dry enough. And hopefully the rain will have stopped. We’ll pack whatever supplies we can carry, radio Kip, and have her people meet us. The trucks should be able to meet us halfway to the farm, meaning our people won’t have to walk all the way at least. One tiny thing in our favor.”

I stay quiet for a bit, mulling over the idea in my head. Finally, I say it out loud. “I think we should ask Morley and his people to go with us. We’re already bombarding Kip with dozens of our own people, I don’t think seven or eight more will make a difference. It’s the least we can do in exchange for their help.”

His chin scrapes against the top of my head. “I agree. I’ll make the offer, but the decision is entirely up to them. Some people don’t like the idea of being cooped up behind walls.” He sighs, and I know that sigh all too well. He’s about to say something I’m not going to like. “Once we get to the farm, we need to inform Kip about Sam and Amy. We can’t leave anything out. It’s not fair to bring our troubles to them with no warning. We will make a decision together, and you’ll have to abide by that decision, whichever way it goes. Can you do that, Bix?”

I don’t reply since I really don’t know the answer. Could I choose Sam over the rest? Would I? My mind feels like it’s being ripped in a thousand different directions. Trying to shut the damn thing down, I snuggle deeper against Luke, allowing his warmth to soothe me.

“Let’s get some sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a long day.”