Chapter Nineteen ~ Past Lives-1

I wasn't the only one who was Penelope Aldgate's spy. "What's she got on you?" I asked in a hushed voice. I was terrified of the others overhearing. Of breaking down the fragile structure I'd built around me. Ella gave me a sad smile. "Would you answer that question if I asked it of you?" Touché. My mouth hung open as I grasped for something to say. How could she do this to Poppy? It was no secret that Poppy was crazy into Ella. But, then again, wasn't I doing the exact same thing to Felix? "I-I don't know what to do," I said in a whisper. "I don't know how to get out of this." Ella shrugged, her posture defeated too. "My bet's we don't. We just have to hope he does something terrible enough for her to dump his ass." "Or he needs to dump hers," I said. "The last thing I want is for this to end on his terms. If she's bitter, she's coming for us," Ella said quickly. "Anyway, there's no answer here, Josie. We've signed away our souls." For the rest of the night I kept wondering just how many spies Penelope had. Clearly, I wasn't her only puppet. Ella had dropped me back at Penelope's after we were done shopping. I hadn't had the chance to talk to her alone because Poppy was still in the car. Instead of Ubering back to mine, or even to Felix's, I let myself into Penelope's studio. I started opening drawers and cupboards, trying to find anything that might give me more information. I didn't know what exactly I was expecting to find, but any sort of documentation seemed like it might help. But, her house was practically set up as a show-home. Some of the storage spaces were even empty. Though her vanity was filled with make-up, from what I'd found she didn't even have a pen. I was starting to feel dirty looking through someone else's things—no matter how bad of a person they were—and so I soon found myself collapsed on her sofa, my heart pounding loud. What the fuck had I gotten myself into? All of a sudden there was a sharp knock on the door and I froze. I was holding my breath, waiting for it to burst open. "Penelope?" It was Cole's voice. Shit. "Are you in there? I know you told me you were in Berlin tonight, but I can see the light on..." I saw shadows move beneath the door frame. "You have to believe me. I haven't broken any promises. I'm still yours." My eyes were practically bulging from their sockets as I watched him rattle the door handle with horror. I heard a long sigh. "Well, whatever. Call me when you're ready to talk." Slowly, one by one, my muscles loosened as I heard his footsteps leave. When I was sure he was gone, I snuck out into the night, relieved when I didn't see his car lingering in the parking lot. Too scared to order a car directly from Penelope's complex, I walked a few streets over, shivering in the crisp night. My prom dress was folded into a vacuum-bag at the bottom of my closet. It was crinkled when I took it out and put it onto the hanger, but if I could get it steam cleaned before the weekend it might be do-able for Penelope's party. I ran a hand over the glitter with a sad smile. I'd been in love the moment I saw it. I was with my mom in some designer shop at the fancy end of the mall. As a coping mechanism I used frequently during those years, I focused on the glitz and glam my parents could offer me instead of the pressure they placed onto me. A fast car. A phenomenal ball gown. "The red," Mom said. "The red looks good on you." I remember hanging the dress on the back of my door and gazing at it every night leading up to prom. My mom didn't offer compliments easily, especially when it came to superficial things like appearance. I didn't have a prom date. Nic and I had broken up the week before, so I was supposed to go with my group of girlfriends, and we had a pre-conceived plan to dump a flask of rum in the punch bowl. I was completely free, for what felt like the first time in months. It was supposed to be perfect. But, by the time I'd strapped on my own corsage and stepped down our spiral stair case, my parents were waiting for me at the dining table with a stack of paperwork in front of them. "Sit," Dad said. Mom watched wordlessly, not a single comment on the effort I'd put into my hair and make-up. "We need you to sign these for us, Joselyn," Mom said. "For the sake of our family." "What are they?" I'd asked. I remember being too afraid to actually sit, instead fiddling with the huge ruby ring on my finger. I was still looking toward Mom, waiting for the smallest of compliments. "It doesn't matter what they are. What matters is that it's time to step up and defend our reputation." "I..." My voice trailed off, I couldn't form words. I already felt the pressure of tears building. Dad had been so angry the past week, hating that Mom had still taken me to get a dress when I'd done the one thing they'd forbade me to do. Let Nic go. "And to do that—" Mom looked at dad, then back to me. Maybe with the tiniest ghost of regret dancing in her deep brown eyes. "We need you to legally marry Nicholas Clemonte." So instead of going to senior prom, I got married. I went to Felix's on Friday afternoon. I sat on his sofa backwards, my chin on my folded hands as I watched him in the kitchen. "You're being very quiet," he said, kneading pizza dough. I watched the tiny muscles in his forearms flex and the way he flicked his hair out of his eyes. "Yeah," I said. "I guess it's just family stuff." I wish it were just family stuff. But now family stuff was interfering with Penelope which was interfering with him. The only aspect of my life that made me feel... safe. Even though it was anything but. "Want to talk?"