Chapter 168: Pain of the Past

Alice

Many Weeks Later…

“You’re doing very well,” Tiberius tells me as he turns the steering wheel to drive down yet another street full of humans.

“Thank you,” I tell him. “It hasn’t been difficult.”

This is just one of the many drives I’ve taken, sometimes with Rhys, sometimes with Tiberius or Dr. Lombardi. According to everything they know, I should be feeling ravenous and ready to jump out of the car to attack some of these people. There have been a few moments when I licked my lips, imagining the sweet metallic taste of human blood, but I’ve never felt the urge to act on it.

We’ve taken safety precautions, of course. I don’t want to frighten anyone, and I certainly don’t want to harm them. I drink my fill of blood before we leave Duskmoore. Even when I don’t really want anymore, I drink a few more sips regardless. Rhys tells me I’ve been drinking a bit more than other women vampires do, but perhaps that’s due to my pregnancy.

Also, the sedan doors are always locked with the childproof safety feature when we drive, just in case. I am strong enough to break through the door, but that makes it take a few seconds longer, and whoever is chaperoning me keeps careful watch.

At first, we only went out when at least two of them could come along. But as we made more trips to town, and my responses were negligible, it began to seem excessive. I feel secure knowing any one of them is with me.

I’ve reached the stage where I even open the windows as we pass by the crowds. It’s stunning, the depth of sensory information I receive with each scent. Some of the humans’ blood is too sweet for my tastes, and I can smell the difference, even riding in the car, provided there aren’t too many people standing around, when their scents to mingle. Rhys tells me it’s a matter of blood type, and I certainly have my preference.

Being out in the world again gives me a change of pace. I adore Duskmoore, but it’s all the more pleasant when I’ve had other experiences to pass the time. Besides the potent awareness of scent diversity when I’m outside, my vision is so sharp that I’m able to spot details I’ve never noticed before. Even ordinary buildings in town, ones I have passed many times with little notice, have become more vibrant and alive with stunning detail.

The world is a canvas, and everything in life is art. It inspires me in my music, and I’m even beginning to work on a few of my own original compositions. I hope to play them publicly one day, once enough time has passed that I can perform for a whole new audience without the burden of contracts. Rhys promised to arrange things for me then. I’m so excited for all the possibilities for our new life together.

I place my hand on my swelling belly, as I’ve been doing much more often as our son grows. It always brings me an easy smile. His frequent movements fill me with awe. I always wondered what it felt like to have a baby kick when pregnant. This little one seems to prefer sliding his tiny arms and legs around rather than kicking out, which feels odd sometimes.

But I’ll take it. I’ll take any sensation that reminds me he is alive... that we are alive. We are long past the point where the pregnancy would have been fatal for both of us had I remained a human. I will never regret my choice.

My mother was right. I don’t know how she was able to communicate with me in my dream, but I’m glad she did.

“Are you up to a walk in the park?” Tiberius asks.

“Do you think that’s safe?”

He shrugs. “I don’t see why not. It’s getting late, so there aren’t many humans around here anyway. We can try one for just a few minutes then come back to the car.”

“Yes,” I tell him, nodding enthusiastically.

He parks the car, and we take a stroll. The evening breeze has an icy chill, and the trees sway gently in its path. A human couple walks by us, heading in the other direction. I stiffen, still a bit worried something might happen when I’m this close to them. But although I catch the strong scent of their blood, it doesn’t seem to bother me.

Instead, my mind begins to wander. Something has been different with Rhys lately. He seems... distant, but it’s not all-encompassing. He is certainly there for me every moment I need him. But there seems to be something on the tip of his tongue every time we are together, yet he holds it back.

My life force simmers with a need to find out what that is. “Can we return to Duskmoore now?” I ask Tiberius.

“Of course.” He escorts me back to the car, and we pass a few humans on the way, still with no reaction from me, though I can sense that Tiberius is on guard.

“Thank you for taking me,” I tell him once we’re home, having hung our coats on the ornately carved hardwood coat rack.

“Anytime,” he insists. “It surprises me how quickly you’re acclimating to this. But that’s a good thing.”

“I think so as well.” I bid him farewell and hurry to the staircase, grasping the handrail to feel the familiar thrum of life in Duskmoore. It feels pleased that I have returned, as am I.

Rhys’s office door is cracked, so I rap on it lightly as I push it open. He stands the moment he sees me, leaving his work on the desk. A smile rises on his lips as he closes the distance between us.

His kisses are sweeter now that I’m a vampire, with every sensation elevated, and I close my eyes to savor it. He caresses my belly with his strong hand. “How is my family?” he asks.

“It went well,” I tell him. “We even took a short walk. I didn’t feel anything I couldn’t control.”

“Amazing,” he replies. “I suppose we’re correct about the pregnancy’s effect.”

“I believe so.” I turn to push the door closed, and it clicks into place. “I’d like to talk to you about something,” I add.

He raises a brow for a moment, then his eyes soften. “What is it?” he asks, pulling a chair over for me. He makes sure I’m comfortable and then slides over one for himself before his eyes meet mine.

“I’d like to know what’s been bothering you,” I tell him. “I feel like there’s something you’ve wanted to tell me but haven’t.”

He nods without breaking our gaze. “That is true,” he admits. “And I believe now is the best time to tell you.” He pauses. “It’s about my former wife, Alicia.”

A twinge of emotion I cannot place runs through me. “Go on.”

“Like you, she was once a human,” he explains. “As she began to realize she would age and eventually die, leaving me without her, she asked if I would turn her into a vampire.”

The similarity is surprising, but I let him continue without speaking.

“She transformed, and it was excruciating, as it was for you,” he says. “This is why I asked Gio if there was a way to make it less painful. And our idea worked, though only for the bite. The transformation seemed just as difficult.”

He breaks our gaze, and the distance in his eyes tells me that he is lost in memories. “But the aftermath with Alicia was quite different. I wasn’t expecting her ravenous nature. It was extreme. I tried to satiate her with blood supplies, but it was never enough. She escaped our home one night and ran toward a tavern where humans were gathered.”

“Oh, God!”

He nods. “It was quite... bloody. By the time I’d discovered she was missing and traced her steps, she had at least a dozen humans down. She was going after more of them, blocking their escape. There were men, women... all innocent and terrorized. She was about to lunge at a woman, and I moved on instinct, ripping apart a wooden chair and driving the stake into her.”

I cover my mouth with my fingers at the thought of Rhys having to slay his wife in such a way, the woman he loved. He’d cared for her enough to marry her. He’d made her into a vampire so they could be together forever.

In an instant, she was gone.

“I did not take her body,” he continues. “I had to escape from there, to relocate until so many years had passed that none remembered me.”

“How long ago was this?” I ask.

“Two hundred and thirty-six years,” he says solemnly.

I jump up from my chair and wrap my arms around him. “I’m so sorry,” I whisper into his ear.

We embrace for several moments. I imagine the horror of that night, for the humans, for Alicia... but mostly for Rhys, and the memories he has had to live with all these years.

He pulls back eventually. “So, you can understand why I didn’t share this with you at first,” he says. “Gio, Ti, and I.... we all set up precautions so this would not happen with you. But I can see that your case is different. I do believe it’s because of the pregnancy.” He meets my eyes. “Alice, I wish I could say you were my first love. But you are my only love now, my forever love.”

My life force warms, and I give him a smile. “I love you, Rhys.”

“I love you.”

As we kiss, our son gives me a gentle pat from inside to remind us that our love is so much bigger than the pain of the past.