Chapter 36: Book 2 Chapter 10

Jenna

I knew Tommy was strange, but obsessed with me? Benjamin and Jeff became my official bodyguards. Apparently, Chloe was protective of me too. I only wanted to go get my notebook. It was like my journal. I wrote personal things in it. Things I could never tell anyone. It was my dirty little secret. I held it to my chest as we stepped back into Benjamin and Chloe’s home. All the memories me and Colton shared was bound in this notebook.

“Jenna, what’s in the notebook?” Chloe asked.

I shook my head, “Memories.”

“Of my brother?”

“Yes.” I said, my cheeks heating up.

“Oh, I’m sorry about being nosy, but I just—you know what, it’s nothing. I’m so stupid.”

“What?”

“Me and my brother has always been distant. I just wanted to see a different side of him. I understand—it’s private.”

“Chloe, maybe one day I can let you read some. Just not the more private things.”

“Really?” Chloe asked as her eyes lit up with excitement.

“I’m going to go to my room.” I said, gesturing to the book.

I sat on the bed and traced the cover of the notebook. So many memories were in here. I opened the notebook and smiled down to the first entry.

*June 3, 2017

Colton came over tonight. He brought pizza and beer and I provided Netflix. As soon as I opened the door, he rushed inside. He set the food and beer down in the kitchen and buried his face in my chest. He acted like it would be the last time he was going to hold me in his arms. Colton kissed me like there was no tomorrow. I asked him what was wrong, but he assured me everything was fine. I know it’s not. He just didn’t want me to worry. He’s my best friend, and I feel powerless when he acts like this. Maybe something happened.

We’ve been messing around for weeks and I only fall deeper and deeper in love with him. I can’t tell him I love him, because it would only drive him away. We’re only best friends with benefits. Nothing more. So, no, I can never tell him the truth, because he’s my only friend. It would ruin us.

I closed the book and sighed. That was the day I realized I had fallen for him. Colton told me he was protecting me from his father after he was arrested.

Is that why he acted like that on June 3rd?

“Maybe this notebook has all the answers I need to uncover the truth—his truth.” I whispered to myself as I opened the notebook back up.

*

*June 15, 2017

Colton came over again, but this time he wasn’t worried. He was angry—raging mad. There weren’t any words spoken when he entered my house. Just him taking me to the bedroom. This time when he fucked me, it was rough. Dominating, hardcore sex. What happened to him to act this way. Maybe it was the alcohol I tasted on his breath making him go overboard. Or, maybe he was upset with his father. He didn’t think I knew about how his father treats him, but I do. I know every time he comes over with a fresh bruise on his face or a black eye. I just wish he would trust me enough to confide in me.

*

I slammed the book shut and realization washed over me. This whole time I knew—I could’ve stopped it. Could’ve stopped all the madness. It was right in front of my eyes the entire time, and I was too dumb to see—all because I was too wrapped up in Colton.

“Oh, no, how did I not see it before?” I whispered, wiping my tears.

“Jenna, are you okay?” Benjamin said, knocking on the door.

“I—I’m—” I tried my best to mask the pain, but it was no use. Instantly, burst into tears.

“Jenna!” Benjamin burst through the door and frowned.

“I’m sorry! I’m so, so sorry. If I had—” I cried out.

“What are you talking about?” Benjamin furrowed his eyebrows.

“It’s all my fault. I could’ve—could’ve stopped this and I didn’t. Don’t you fucking see?!”

“Jenna none of this is your fault. Why on earth would you think that?”

“Because I had my suspicions and did nothing. Not a fucking thing!” I said, throwing the notebook across the room.

“Jenna, listen to me. None of this is your fault. None. Of. It. This would’ve happened regardless.”

“Oh no, Chloe must hate me. I’m the worst friend in the world. You must hate me.” I cried, falling back on the bed. “Everyone must hate me.”

“Let me just go get Amber or Chloe. I’ll be right back.”

I covered my mouth and rushed to the trashcan, throwing up. This time, it wasn’t the morning sickness. It was because I felt so much guilt.

Chloe wrapped her arms around me and whispered, “What’s wrong? Is it the baby?”

“No,” I whispered, “I’m the worst friend. I knew, Chloe. I knew and I didn’t even know it, because I was too blinded by love.”

“Shh, you’re just upset. Remember, Dr. Alvarez said no stress.”

“How do you and Benjamin not hate me?”

“Because you were innocent in this, too. Please, don’t cry—Colton wouldn’t want to see you this way.”

“I’m a mess, Chloe. I’m sorry about breaking down. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Pregnancy hormones are a real bitch. Come on, get into bed and I’ll bring you a ginger ale to settle your stomach.”

“Thank you for being a friend. You know what?”

“What?”

“Colton was my only friend.”

“And now you have more. You’ve got me, Benjamin, Amber, and Jeff. You don’t have to be alone anymore.” She said as she hugged me.

“Thank you, for that. I really needed that.”

I don’t have to be alone.

Not now.

Not ever. 

*Dear Colton,

I wanted you so bad. I didn’t realize it until you commanded me like you used to. After our visit, I went home. Wet. Horny. Needing to feel your touch. I laid back on my bed and touched myself. First, I let my hands roam my body and closed my eyes. I imagined you were here with me. Undressing me as your lips kissed my neck. Getting me ready for you. Then, I let my hand travel south to my pussy. I circled my clit and moaned out your name. I moaned out to you as you explored my body. I silently cried out, “Please, Colton. Take me now.”

I kept circling my clit as my free hand took my nipple between my thumb and index finger. My breaths became shallow as I bring myself closer. I arched my back, curling my toes, feeling the excitement of my release right there, but still so far away. I remembered how you used to tell me to bring myself close to the edge, but hold it in. I imagined you whispering in my ear, “Don’t come until I tell you to, Princess.”

The moment I opened my eyes, I felt my stomach tighten and lost all control. I came all over my hand, knowing you would be pleased to know that I thought of you. The next time I come to visit you, I want you to command me like you did. Tell me to spread my legs for you. Make me slide my hand between my legs. Slip my finger inside and fuck myself. Maybe, next time, tell me to keep going. Watch me come all over my finger and when I’m done… lick the juices off my finger and taste me. Feel me.

Love,

Jenna

P.S.

I forgive you, and yes—I still love you. More than ever.

*