Chapter 28

Lydia's POV

Because of Claire's return, I had to walk away from Connor. My union with him was never a moral thing to begin with, and now it was time for the mistakes to stop and for everything to get back on track.

I know that once I admit to Connor that Ivan is my boyfriend, he will be heartbroken, but the long pain is better than the short one. I don't want to burden him with the crime of breaking ethics forever because of my mistake, my one thought.

Before anyone finds out, hurry up and cut off all his inappropriate thoughts and clear the relationship with him, even if he hates me now, I am willing to suffer. As long as he can understand this truth and return to a normal life, I can be hated by him and can disappear from his life.

When I said the word "yes" with difficulty, I saw the light in Connor's eyes disappear. Then, the insecure child in him seemed to be aroused by me again, and he became angry and jealous.

He hugged me forcefully and tried to kiss me, perhaps trying to prove from my body's reaction that I still loved him. I couldn't give him that chance, nor could I give him any hope.

I tried to push him away, but his hands were like steel around me, making it impossible for me to move. All I could do was duck my head and raise my knee hard and hit him hard in the stomach.

One, and then another, until my heart went numb with pain, and he let go of his hands.

I thought I was pardoned for that, but to my surprise he pushed me onto the couch and pounced on me with his whole body, his hands inside my shirt, trying to dominate me.

"Now that Claire is back safe and sound, not a hair missing, and the baby in my belly is still fine, will you let me go?" I cried and begged him, and added silently in my mind, "I'll let you go, really, please let me go too."

I don't know if it was a psychic sense or hearing Claire's name, but Connor slid off of me like a deflated ball.

He straightened his messy clothes and walked out of my house without looking back.

After Connor left, the house was empty, and my heart was as empty and aching as if a hole had been broken.

My body was so weak from the pregnancy that I cried and passed out. In the middle of the night, I woke up with pain in my heart and muscles. I wanted to forget everything that had happened tonight, but my body was reminding me all the time that it was really there.

After a night of muddling through, I don't know what time it was, but the phone rang and woke me up. It was not yet noon.

The call was from Claire, who asked me to come home with her. But could I call that home "home" for me? Not only did I not have loving parents, but I was left alone to face the verbal abuse and reprimand.

I used my health as a reason to decline Claire's invitation, but she was still buzzing like a mosquito on the other end of the phone, relentless.

"We haven't even had dinner together as a family since I got back."

Claire made a point of emphasizing "family" on the phone. I froze for a moment at the appearance of this word. If the Green family had a genealogy, Dad would have taken a pen and crossed my name out.

Just when I was debating what kind of reason I should find to refuse Claire, she simply took my silence as an acquiescence and hung up the phone.

Since I'm going to show up, let's go back in a relatively good shape and not let Claire look down on me like that.

Although my relationship with Connor had not been exposed in front of Claire, I could not help but think of her in my mind as my imaginary enemy. With this in mind I grabbed my makeup, hoping they would hide the haggardness of my face.

When I saw Claire, I saw the surprise in her eyes, was it because I didn't look like a person anymore? But I really didn't have the strength to smile anymore, and going out with makeup was the best I could do to get myself out of this haggard state.

I was not only a lost love, but also a condemned destroyer of the ethical order, and it was good enough that I was like this!

On the way, Claire kept trying to enlighten me and guide me to talk, but I didn't have the strength to pay attention to her anymore, just wanted to hurry back home and end this noisy road.

"No matter what happens, cheer up, let mom and dad see you like this, they will worry!" Such words suddenly came out of Claire's mouth.

Would mom and dad really be worried about me? I wanted to believe it, but I couldn't help but doubt it. I silently recalled everything my mom and dad had done for me since I was little, and after fighting with myself countless times, I finally lost out to my affection and started to believe what Claire said.

Maybe my mom and dad really loved me, but they just didn't know how to express it, they were just blinded by their anger lately.

Finally I convinced myself, perhaps confirming my parents' love, and with an undercurrent of love in my heart, I nourished another strength and began to gradually fight.

Claire finally stopped her constant opening and closing of her mouth, and we returned home.

She was as cheerful as a bird that hadn't returned to the nest in a long time, while I was behind her, hesitant to face my mom and dad. I watched her walk in quickly with a longing for home, but I was getting more and more hesitant about how I should face this home with what kind of mentality and what kind of expression.

Even though Claire is back now, and perhaps mom and dad are no longer blaming me, what happened with Connor, even though no one knows, cannot fool the gods, and cannot fool myself.

This incident is like a thorn in my heart, until I finish my confession it will never be pulled out of my heart, it prevents me from getting along with my family. My subconscious mind kept reminding me that I had done something to shame my parents.

Before I even walked into the house, I could see my mom and Claire's deep embrace from afar, and my heart longed for a mom's hug, so I walked in faster.

Suddenly, Mom looked up and saw me, and her face changed.

One minute she was heartbroken that Claire was still hugging her, the next minute the heartbroken look remained on her face, but her hand went up to me and caught me off guard and slapped me across the face.

She cursed me, called me shameless, called me cheap, and what I vaguely feared in my heart was about to happen? Was my mother already aware of Connor and I, but something was going on?

I didn't dare to respond to her anger, and I didn't know how to respond, because the fault was really mine, and I didn't have the face to explain anything.

Until Dad's appearance, a pile of photos fell hard on my face, I knew that the matter was likely to be exposed.

I picked up the scattered photos with shame and heartache, and there were scenes of me and Connor kissing, and even him and me having intercourse.

I really never thought to my dying breath that our every move would be captured on film.

The strong shock and shame mingled in my heart, and my heart gave out a burst of pain. My fragile body, burdened with two lives, couldn't take it anymore, and I fainted as my eyes went black.

When I woke up again, I was already lying in a hospital bed.

I opened my eyes helplessly, and all I could see was pale. Only a few blurred figures wavered in front of my eyes.

There was a sudden bellowing in my ears, like my father's voice: "What's the use of beating her when things are already like this!"

When my eyes were finally able to focus, I saw a chaotic scene, Mom seemed to want to rush up and hit me, but was stopped by Dad.

At this time, Mom was no longer as gentle as she used to be, she looked very tired, as if her body had been emptied by something.

Her sandpaper hard voice rang out again, and the object of her conversation seemed to be me?

"Whose child is this anyway ......"

Yes, mom was indeed talking to me. What I had hidden for so long was finally discovered, and the child I had tried to secretly give birth to, the flesh and blood of Connor and I, was finally presented for all to see.

I felt really ridiculous inside, trying hard to pull a smile to mock myself, but found I couldn't do it, the physical exhaustion and the intolerance of seeing this look on my mother's face prevented me from doing so.

Mom's eyes were so full of longing that rather than asking she was begging, she was begging me to tell her that the baby was not Connor's.

I could not bear to lie to my mother, nor did I have the courage to admit the truth about the child, so I could only look away and let myself escape for a moment by staring into the distance.

The look on my face provoked my mother's anger and she shook me, screaming at the top of her lungs for me to abort the baby.

Mom, mom, you're ridiculous, even if you spend all your life shaking, the baby can't just be shaken off me by you.

Lydia, Lydia, you are so ridiculous to want to have this one child that shouldn't be born.

Maybe we are the most ridiculous family in the world.

You can never wake someone who is pretending to be asleep, just like you can never pull someone in the moment she jumps off a cliff.

Now I am the fool who is willing to jump off the cliff for love. Even if I separate from Connor, I will leave this last trace of connection with him in my belly.

"The baby must stay." Despite the fact that I was about to become a joke, I opened my mouth firmly.

I had never been cared for or taken seriously in the family, but I never imagined that I would one day create a whirlwind in the family.

My words were like a torpedo thrown into the sea, and the waves swept up with a loud bang, blowing up a sea of fish carcasses.

My mother scolded me and the baby in my belly like crazy, and Claire begged me on her knees. Everyone in this room was forcing me to abort this child, forcing me to kill this little life that had not yet seen the first rays of the world.

"Why are you forcing me to do this?" I cried out in my heart, but I couldn't say a word.

Yes, it's my bad, I shouldn't have seduced my brother-in-law, shouldn't have let him leave his genes on me.

Yes, baby, it's mommy's fault for not being able to help you choose a normal daddy, but instead helping you choose someone who doesn't know whether to call him daddy or aunt and uncle.

I really don't want to stay here at all!

I built up strength in my heart and body and pushed hard, pushing away my mom who was holding my shoulders and Claire who was pulling my hand.

I didn't have time to put on my shoes, so I just ran out of the hospital barefoot.

The sun was so bright outside, everyone said the sun represented hope, but it was now so blinding that here I could see no hope and no road ahead.

I felt the warmth of the sun, but it was like walking in the dark without streetlights, neither seeing the way forward nor finding a way back.

Zee! Suddenly there was a piercing sound of brakes in my ears.

Just at the moment I thought my life and that of the baby was over, I landed in a familiar and warm embrace.

It was Connor ......