Chapter 28: CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

“I don’t normally do walk-ins, but it has been such a long time since I’ve seen you, that I made an exception.” Dr. Scott smiled at Savannah as he entered his office.

Granted, every time she sat in that office, she felt that she was being observed and studied and it made her uncomfortable. But he was the only one that she had left who would be able to help her. “Sorry for barging in on you like this.”

“No worries. I’m sure you have a good reason.” He sat down in the loveseat near the small couch she was sitting on. “I’m listening whenever you are ready.”

“I have cancer.”

“Yes. We addressed that.”

“I know. But as well as I’m responding to it, I’m afraid that I’m falling apart.”

“What makes you think that?” He reached for the small notebook and pen that were lying on the coffee table in front of his chair.

“I have never needed therapy before. I cry all night. I’m so worried about my children that I watch them sleep. I’m pulling away from everyone who loves me.” The tears threatened at the rim of her eyelids.

“Let’s explore that. Why do you think you are turning away from them?”

“I don’t like them seeing me like this.” Savannah swallowed. The lump in her throat was getting bigger.

“Like what? Sick?”

“Not just sick. Because I catch colds and get the flu. I’m talking about being weak and wasting away. My son is afraid because he thinks I’m dying. I look like I’m dying.”

“Cancer is a very invasive and devastating condition. I’m sure that those around you are willing to make allowances for you.”

“Yes. But what I mean is I hate having to rely on other people. Makes me feel like a burden. I mean, Kim has already spent most of her younger years taking care of me because our mother passed. I can see my condition is already taking a toll on her. She has her own family to deal with.” Savannah leaned back in the chair. She was already regretting this surprise visit to Dr. Scott.

“What makes you feel like a burden?”

“I’ve been needing her and Kenneth to keep the boys more. Besides being winded from the treatment, I get depressed and cannot get out of bed. Also, she has been helping me keep my house clean and taking me to run errands as well as to my appointments. When I get sick, she has to clean that up.” The tears that had been threatening were running down her face. She reached forward and snatched a tissue from the box.

“Have you and Kim always had a good relationship?” He took a sip from his water bottle.

“Yeah. I mean, besides the sister stuff. She raised me. So overall, yes.”

“Would it be correct for me to assume that she offered to help you during this time?”

“She did.”

“So, it would be one thing if you had asked her. But Kim asked. Why do you think she asked?”

“I know why. Because she loves me. But you have to admit that sometimes people take on more than they can handle. The extra load begins to take a toll on that person, and they begin to resent the situation and the person. I don’t want that to be us.”

Savannah stood up and paced the floor. She needed to move. The pressure building up inside of her was becoming too much to bear.

“Based on what you have told me about your sister, she has always stepped up when you needed her to. Does she complain about you?”

“No.”

“Does she complain about your boys? Anything that she’s doing for you?”

“No.”

“I want you to think about why that could be.” He took another sip of water.

“Could be that she doesn’t want to complain to me because I’m sick.”

“Do you think Kim would do that?

“No.”

“I want you to keep thinking on that.” He paused to look over his notes. “I happened to notice that you did not mention Dwight.”

“No. I did not.” The answer was quick.

“Why is that?” His eyebrows jumped.

“We broke up.” Another quick answer.

“Would you like to talk about it?”

“I gave him an out and he took it.” She fumbled with her fingers.

Dr. Scott scribbled in his notebook. “Could you explain that further.”

“I told him that with everything going on, it may be too much to try to keep a relationship going. I told him that it would probably be better if he focused on taking care of Isabella. And not me. And he took it.”

“How does that make you feel?”

“I don’t know. Abandoned. Angry. Sad.” She pressed the tissue to her eyes. “I miss him.”

“Are the decisions you’re making due to the fact that you have an illness?”

“Yes.”

“It seems to me that you plan on dying.”

Savannah straightened and stared at Dr. Scott. “What makes you say that?”

“Well, you are pushing your friends and family away, regardless of the fact that they have agreed and are willing to help you. You ended a relationship with the pretense that it was for someone else, when in fact it was self-serving.”

Savannah stopped pacing and slid into the seat she had occupied before. She opened her mouth to speak but heard nothing.

“Listen Savannah, you are worthy to live. You have people who love you and want to be there for you. You have to let them.”

After another half an hour, Savannah walked from his office towards her car, dazed, the sounds around her dull and mumbled. Hiding her red eyes and the faint tears behind glasses, she slid into the driver’s seat and took off.

Dwight stood in the middle of his living room staring at the multitude of boxes. He was finally almost finished packing. It had taken longer because he had organized everything into categories. He rubbed his sweaty forehead onto the black tee shirt he was wearing. Izzy would be home soon. They had been camping out on the living room floor since his room had been one of the first ones that he had packed up.

Alex Dutes had called back with an even better offer than before. This offer came with a nanny to help look after Izzy until Dwight got the swing of things. Alex even agreed to absorb the fee for the nanny.

Dwight had tried once more to reach Savannah. His letters had returned to him unopened. His phone calls went unanswered, his messages not responded to. With a heavy sigh and regret, he had called Alex to accept the job.

Dwight crossed the room that seemed much larger now that all of his possessions were in the box. He reached for the tape and started closing boxes. When he got to the third box he froze. Reaching inside he pulled out a frame. It was a portrait that they had all taken together. Despite his resolve to move on without her, he could not leave it behind. He tucked it back inside and turned up the small radio he used for company. Ironically, Jagged Edge’s “Goodbye” was just coming on. He closed his eyes, inhaled deeply and said goodbye to Savannah.

The jiggling of his doorknob caught his attention. “Who is it?” He called out.

“Khalil.”

Dwight quickly crossed the room and opened the door for his longtime friend. “I wasn’t sure if you were coming.”

“I said I’d be here and I’m here.” He walked past Dwight and held his hands up. “I bought beer and wings. The perfect moving grub if I say so myself.”

“Put your jacket on the couch. I’m finishing up in the living room.” Dwight paused. “Wait. Are you here as a friend or a shrink?”

“A friend. But if you need Dr. Scott, I can just put my blazer on.” Khalil smiled.

“I’m good.”

The two good friends rapidly taped up the boxes in the living room and after an hour, they had managed to move all the boxes into the dining room. The emptiness of his house struck Dwight silent. Not unnoticed either.

“You miss her?”

“Who?” Dwight looked up quickly.

“You know who.”

“Yes. Can’t pretend I don’t.” He took a sip of his beer and kicked his feet up on the coffee table.

“What happened?” Khalil chewed wildly on a buffalo wing.

“I don’t know. We were doing fine. One day while we were supposed to go out, she was getting ready. She got frustrated and told me to leave. Forced me to leave. Said she didn’t want me.”

“Really?” Khalil stopped eating.

“Yeah. Some weeks ago.” Dwight’s eyes narrowed. “What do you know?” He sat up.

“You know I can’t share patient information. They could take my license from me.”

“You talked to her, right? When?”

“Dwight.”

“Khalil, I’m not asking for her medical records. I just want to know when you saw her.”

“Yesterday.”

“How was she? How did she look?”

“Dwight.”

“Look, I’ve invested a lot of time into her. Now she won’t talk to me. At all. It’s like I don’t exist to her. I just want to make sure she’s okay.”

“I can’t. Any information I give you without her permission is a violation. I’m sorry. You know if there was any other way, I’d do it in a heartbeat.” Khalil clapped his hand down on his friend’s shoulder, which had slumped even more.

“Yeah. I know.”

“Have you heard anything more from Sandra?”

“We have a court date coming up. She filed for sole custody.”

“I’m sorry man. I’m sure that’s tough.”

“Yeah.” Dwight stood up and grabbed the beer can and empty wing container. “The thing is, I’ve been dealing with Sandra for such a long time that things don’t bother me anymore. I’ve been dragged to court so many times I should pay rent.”

“Right. So, when do you leave?”

“I fly out tomorrow. Get everything settled. My uncle agreed to keep Izzy. Make sure she makes it to school and that the system has the transfer papers. I have to stock up and get her registered in Seattle. Register my car. Get my license changed. It’s a lot.”

Khalil followed Dwight to the kitchen where he dumped the empty cans and wing boxes. “I want to say congrats, but I feel like it’s bittersweet.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll keep in touch. On those nights when I cry myself to sleep.”

“I’ll be on standby.” The two men hugged. “Take care of yourself Dwight.”

“Yeah. You too.” He watched his good friend get into his car before locking up the house. Dwight took another beer from the pack, turned the light off and stretched across the couch.