CHAPTER FORTY-ONE

February 27, 1993.

On Saturday, Tom and I pick up Colin, and the three of us go to the 5K. Their families will join us at the finish line.

It is unseasonably cold; at nine o’clock, the wind chill is four below zero. Weaker, smarter people stayed home.

I consider using this moment for conversation, but decide against it. The three of us run side-by-side, and each time one of us runs slightly faster, the other two catch up. It’s nice to have people on either side of me pushing me to do my best.

A quarter mile from the finish line, Colin bolts. Usually, I’d stick with Tom’s pace, but seeing Colin sprint makes me want it too, and I put everything I have into the last few yards.

I beat my best time by almost two minutes. “Hell yeah!”

“Look at you,” Javier says, apparently finishing long before me. “Very nice.”

Ra’Shelle gives me a high five before giving one to Tom. “Javier was just telling us about the adventures of being your plus one at the gala.”

My breathing stops for a split second, and I think about everything that happened that night. “What did he tell you?”

Ra’Shelle rolls her eyes. “Sounds like that woman is just as nuts as always. I can’t believe she tried to use Layne like that.”

“Oh, right, that. Yeah, it was quite a night. It’s good that I had Javier as a buffer.”

“Loved the recounting of your feigned memory loss,” Ra’Shelle says with a smirk.

“You always did appreciate my humor.” I point to Javier and her. “You two know each other from BSU?”

“We knew of him,” Colin says, “but we dodged taking his classes. We heard he was tougher than the other guy.”

“Let’s just do it all around,” I say, pointing. “Javier, this is Tom, Kari, Colin, Ra’Shelle, Darren, Timothy, Tina, and Alex. Everyone, this is Javier, my social buffer.”

Everyone shakes hands or makes other small gestures, but I feel like they’re all thinking the same thing: He’s great, but he’s not Layne.

Or is that just what I’m thinking?

“Sam, can I talk to you for a sec?” Javier asks.

We walk a few yards from the group as the event organizers count donations.

“What’s up?”

“You really thought I’d tell your secrets?” he asks, lowering his voice. “I saw the fear on your face. You thought I was going to tell them about the panic attack?”

“I don’t know… Maybe you’d assume they already knew.”

“They should know. Those are your people. Why the hell wouldn’t you tell them?”

“I don’t want them to worry.”

“Maybe they should be worried.”

“Are you?”

“A little.”

“And that’s why I don’t tell things.”

He sighs heavily. “Then let me clarify. What happens between you and me stays between us. Your secrets are your own to tell.”

“Thank you.”

He smirks. “Your social buffer, huh?”

I chuckle and rub my forehead. “I don’t know what to call you.”

“I’m fine with that label.”

The main organizer’s voice crackles over the megaphone. “I’m thrilled to announce that with pledges and cash donations, we raised $16,482.26. Thank you so much, everyone! This is a new record for us, and I’m so amazed by all of you!”

Javier looks around. “That amount seems unlikely considering the low turnout.” He’s eyeing me evenly, waiting.

I clear my throat. “Maybe someone went to the bank yesterday and made a cash withdrawal of ten grand and added it to the collection early this morning. Maybe that person separated and crinkled the bills to make it look like it came from different people rather than a single donation.”

He grins. “That person might be my hero.”

“Careful with those pedestals.”

Tom and his crew leave, and they take Alex with them for a play date with Tina. Javier, Colin, and Ra’Shelle hang with me for a while, and we chat like no one close to us died five weeks ago.

“What the hell?” Ra’Shelle says when we mosey onto the parking lot.

Paul.

Fucking Paul is strolling towards us, and he looks pissed.

Javier whispers, “What do you want? My defense or to let you be Badass Sam?”

“I–I don’t know.”

Colin steps in front of the group. “Paul, what are you doing here?”

“I came to apologize,” he says, looking toward me. “I overreacted after the gala, and I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry.”

“How did you know I was here?” I ask.

“I took a shot. Thought you might be running the 5K.”

I’m not sure I believe that.

“I’m sorry, Sam,” he says again.

“Thank you.”

“Will you come home now?”

“I’m happy at my new place.”

“You’re staying with Ra’Shelle?”

“Why would you think that?”

He looks at Ra’Shelle. “She’s your closest friend. Just makes sense.”

Again, I’m not sure that I believe that. The more he knows, the more I wonder if I have a new stalker.

“It doesn’t matter where I’m staying,” I say. “I’m not coming back to your place.”

“Because I lost my cool one time?” he asks, throwing his hands up. “That’s ridiculous.”

“She gave you her answer,” Javier says. “You should go.”

“Who are you?” Paul snaps. “Her fucking boyfriend?!”

“Just a guy she trusts,” Javier says.

Colin steps between Paul and me. “You have kids to think about now, Paul. Javier’s right. You need to leave.”

Ra’Shelle stands beside me. “I’d hate to call Joan and tell her about this.”

“Fucking tell her,” Paul says, then looks at Javier. “Are you fucking her?”

The adrenaline takes over, and I jog around Colin. Glaring, I stand face-to-face with Paul. “You want to come at me, here I fucking am!”

He points at Javier but screams at me, “How dare you insult Layne by fucking some other–”

My fist punches Paul’s stomach with alarming force, and he immediately crumples onto the asphalt.

I’ve never punched someone before, and I’m surprised at my own strength–and how badly my hand hurts.

“Send me the hospital bill,” I tell him. “And if I find out you’re following me, I’ll get a restraining order. Leave me the fuck alone!”

He groans as he peels himself from the pavement and walks back to his car. “Fuck you!” he screams before speeding away.

“Okay then,” I say, pretending that my heart isn’t thundering in my ears.

Javier knocks his shoulder against mine. “Badass Sam it is.”

“Are you okay?” Ra’Shelle and Colin ask in unison as they hug me.

I love Ra’Shelle and Colin deeply, and I know that this is their way of showing support. But Javier’s right; if I need someone who isn’t going to coddle me, he’s my guy.

“I’m fine. Glad it’s over.”

“Ready to go home?” Ra’Shelle asks.

“I’ll take her,” Javier says. “Assuming that’s okay, Sam?”

“Yeah.” I clear my throat. “I’ll see you two shortly.”

Ra’Shelle looks between us, then nods. “All right. We’ll see you soon.”

I climb into Javier’s truck and lean back. “What would you have done if I hadn’t punched him?”

“Probably given him a black eye… How do you feel?”

“I was hoping the endorphins from the run would last longer.”

“That’s not an answer.”

“I feel fine… but I’m not sure it’ll last.”

“That’s what I thought.”

I rub my face. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

“He triggered you. It happens.”

“Think he’ll press charges?”

“Nope.” He shrugs. “If he does, Veronica can argue that the situation was escalating anyway. I wouldn’t worry about it.”

I furrow my brow. “Wait, what? How do you know Veronica? How do you know that I know Veronica?”

He clears his throat. “I don’t think I should tell you that yet.”

“Yet?”

“Yet. Can you trust me and wait a little longer?”

I nod.

“How are the voices?”

“For having just run a 5K? Not great.”

“What can I do?”

I groan. “Not sure.”

“I have an idea, but we both need a shower first. Trust me enough to come back to my place and shower? Call Ra’Shelle and let her know that you’re with me for the day?”

“I don’t have clothes at your place.”

“I have that handled.”

My leg shakes as I contemplate this offer. “You’re not going to try to fuck me?”

“I told you before that I’ll never initiate sex. That’s all on you.”

I click my tongue.

“Just a friendly outing with a social buffer… I think it’ll help the voices.”

I take a deep breath. “Let’s do it.”

***

I’m surprised by how organized and clean his house is. He leads me into the guest bedroom which has its own bath.

He opens the closet and flips on the light. “Take a look.”

Three blouses, sweatshirts, pairs of jeans, skirts, slacks, pairs of socks, and sets of pajamas.

“Why three of everything?” I ask.

“I had to guess your sizes.”

I run my hands over the clothes and see the tags. “These are all new.”

“That way you’d know they weren’t worn by someone else.”

“You bought these for me?”

“Hope that’s not too weird.”

“When?”

He clears his throat. “After what happened at the gala, I thought there might be a time when you’d need to come back to my place, and I wanted you to be comfortable.”

“Javier, this is one of the nicest things anyone has done for me in a long time.”

He hesitates then points toward the bathroom. “Shower. Clean towels. Help yourself. Come find me when you’re ready.”

He shuts the door behind him when he leaves.

I look at the clothes more closely. They’re all things I would buy for myself–and they’re almost all LFI brand.

Damn this dude’s good.

I take a shower and change into a sweatshirt and jeans.

He’s sitting on the couch and reading Gloria Steinem’s “Revolution from Within”. He adds a bookmark and closes the book when he sees me. “Ready to go?”

“You’re a feminist?”

“Or maybe I just read it for the historical perspective because I’m a history professor.”

“Uh huh.”

He smirks. “Fine, I read Steinem. That a problem?”

“No problem.”

“Looks like the clothes fit.”

“Thanks for the LFI loyalty. Let me call Ra’Shelle, and then we’ll leave. Want to tell me where we’re going?”

“Can you trust me enough to be surprised?” he asks, and I realize he is entirely focused on me and my reactions.

“You’re asking for a lot of trust today.”

“And you’re giving it. That’s not lost on me, Sam.”

I don’t know why that sentence gives me butterflies, but it does. “Really think you can quiet the voices?”

“I wouldn’t kidnap you for the day if I believed otherwise.”

“Then I’m all yours.”