Chapter 10: Troubled Paradise

A troubled paradise some may call it, but I could hardly say my current position is warranted for such a title when it is anything but a paradise.

It was more like an enduring hell; one that did not see any light at the end of the tunnel for such darkness has clouded over a ray of hope supposed to come. In other words, I wasn’t destined to have any allies in this field of work.

After such an embarrassing attempt at defending Cedric, I was reduced to nothing but a footnote in their leisure as I was subjected to sitting on a separate table from them. Mr. Richardson seemed to have quieted down after I was sent to my own table where I could barely see them due to the other customers buzzing about. I liked it that way, though. Not that I wanted to see them after I was humiliated. Even now, I refused to acknowledge the pasta settled on my table, waiting to be eaten along with a Cola. Hunger disappears with every solemn second that passes by. The fresh events reeling my mind into a depressing stupor.

I shouldn’t have tried to defend him. What was going on in my mind when I thought of doing so? Cedric isn’t a person who is easily discouraged and doesn’t seem human for he rarely expresses any real sadness. I, on the other hand…

“Are you all right, Miss?”

I shouldn’t have stood up. What was the point of it? At the end of the day, he would rather throw me under the bus rather than upset a client, even if the client is rude to him. I know this, even before I agreed to be his private secretary. But why won’t my heart stop aching? Why does it bother me so much?

Because you love him.

Love? I love him?

“Miss?”

A waiter stopped by my table; concern written all over his face as he stared at me. I just realized I had tears glossing over my eyes when he gestured at my sorrowful face, to which I quickly dappled away with a napkin. Nodding pathetically to seem fine, I attempted to smile at him in hopes of not rousing any more concern. I should not be sad over such a little bump on the road. This should be expected.

“Y-yeah. Something flew into my eyes, that’s all.” I reasoned with a tiny laugh. Then, the waiter nodded in understanding before gesturing to my pasta. I nodded back, lifting my fork to start mixing it on the plate. Even when the aroma of spices and mouth-watering sauce tempted my nostrils, my stomach refused to welcome it. Yet, I couldn’t just sit there and wait for him to leave. “It’s delicious…” I complimented after shoving some pasta into my mouth, grinning all the same.

The waiter was finally convinced as he gave me a thumbs up, then left to attend to the other customers. As soon as he left, I grabbed the glass filled with Cola to wash the taste down. For my tastebuds have also lost their merriment and decided to torture me by making me want to puke.

What a way to spend lunchtime…

Making a mental note not to accompany Cedric during lunch with any of his clients or anyone for that matter again, I grabbed my wallet and placed the exact bills down. Without looking whether they were still busy, I left my table and went straight to the parking lot where Cedric’s driver, Gerard, was waiting. He definitely was surprised to see me outside without our employer because that was the first thing he asked.

“He’s still inside,” I answered immediately, not wanting to worry him. “I’ll be back as soon as he’s finished. I have…something important to do.” There was no guarantee that I’ll be able to come back right on time, but it was better to spend the rest of lunchtime somewhere else than to stay back there, all alone. “If Mr. Dixon asks you, tell him I went to buy some supplies. For the office.”

Gerard merely nodded, not saying another word. Appreciating his silence, I went off and headed for the nearest café in the area. My fatigued body needed a shot of espresso to wake me up from the delusion of Cedric and the thoughts of loving him. To be honest, it scared me how the immediate thought that came up was because I had certain feelings for a man I barely know. It was as if it wasn’t me…

Keep it together, Reese. Those are just silly thoughts! It would probably make sense…if he truly were my boyfriend in the past and for me to love him. However, how can I continue loving a man wiped out from my memory? My feelings can’t possibly stay the same when all those memories we may have spent together are long gone.

Taking in deep breaths, my legs carried me to a quaint café where their interior design was all pink and other hues of pastel. The customers ranged from teenagers to women wearing similarly cute outfits while taking photos of themselves holding the beverage of their choice. I, on the other hand, looked out of place in the adorably designed establishment with my business attire and melancholic disposition. I don’t even know why I decided to choose this place instead of the other ones available—one where I wouldn’t get stared at just by walking in.

I am so pathetic…

“Hello, good afternoon! How may I help you?” The barista behind the cashier greeted me with excitement, waiting for my order. Whether she was enthusiastic and not because it was her job to deliver excellent service, my heart squeezed at the forlorn thought of having friends at work or outside of it even. Someone to talk to after a long day…

“I’ll have a…” Trailing off, I gasped silently when the tears I held back began streaming down my face. This stunned the barista, who quickly asked if I was all right. Ashamed, I chuckled humorlessly while nodding multiple times. “I-I’m okay. I’ll have an espresso—oh wait, I’ll just have a frappuccino instead.”

“Are you sure, Ma’am?”

How pathetic could I get? Crying in a café with cartoonish cute aesthetics wearing a solemn business suit…This is the worst. And well, it’s a good thing I went out of there. I would have looked even more idiotic if I broke down at the restaurant in front of Cedric and that jerk.

“Yeah…I’m good—”

“McKenzie, I didn’t know you fancied these types of establishments. Yet, I guess there is an adorable side to you.”

Closing my eyes at the sound of Cedric’s amused tone, I sighed in exhaustion before smiling at the barista observing us. Not bothering to face the cocky bastard who happened to find me. It wouldn’t be such a surprise if he reveals he placed a tracking device on me…How else could he be able to find me in such a huge city? “Frappuccino, to go please.”

“Right away. May I know your name—”

“It’s Reese, darling.” Cedric interrupted unabashedly, fishing for something in the pockets of his suit. He then presented a black card at the barista with a cheeky smirk. I rolled my eyes at the display. “And on the double, please. My secretary and I are in a hurry.”

“Sure.”

Taking a seat on the cushioned chairs where its colors matched the rainbow painted on the walls of the café, I raised a brow at the man sitting across me, who looked out of place too. A couple of dark clouds raining on the parade of those pure and happy around them. Nevertheless, he and I were never the same as soon as we stepped out of this café. There are so many more people out there who would suit such a peculiar man. That, and I was not going to give him the satisfaction of believing that he and I are a mirror to one another. “Shouldn’t you be back in the restaurant, eating pasta with the Richardsons, Sir?”

Why are you here?

Cedric’s smug grin never faded as he gestured at me. “Shouldn’t I be worried about you? You’re far more important to me than the couple I sent away. Besides, it’s your duty to be by my side…Yet you run as soon as you get the chance of freedom.” The emotion he was conveying and the telltale sign he sent was simple…

I own you, Reese.

However, what astonished me was how he came here and sent the Richardsons away. A laugh slipped past my lips, shaking my head at the impossible man. “Worried? You? Why would you be worried about a woman in her twenties? I can take care of myself. Plus, your friend wanted me to leave so I did just that so he’s comfortable. Maybe it isn’t too late to call them back and ask for forgiveness.”

“I didn’t say you had to leave the restaurant. And why should I apologize? He was very rude to me and my employee.”

Furrowing my eyebrows, I regarded him with a glare. “Sir, don’t be dense. Even if he were rude, shouldn’t it be best to have a good relationship with him rather than to make an enemy out of him? Plus, it’s currently my break time so I can do whatever I want.” At my words, his cocky attitude grew faint and morphed into frustration.

“Wait…Are you mad at me because I talked down to you?”

Clenching my fists, I forcibly shook my head.

How right you are…

“No, I am not mad.”

Cedric narrowed his eyes.

“No, you are.”

“Wow…” I clicked my tongue, chin on my propped hand. “Who are you to say about what I feel or not? And if I am, why should you care?”

He sighed. “Because I am your superior and your boyfriend. If you didn’t stand up to defend me, we wouldn’t be discussing this at all. If only you understood why I did it—”

“Humiliating me as your employee is almost forgivable. I know I may have said that I don’t believe we were ever lovers, but for you to do that to me, whom you claim to love, doesn’t seem right.” Fisting the hem of my suit jacket, I murmured. “I wished you handled it with more care than to reprimand me as if I were your pet.”

“Reese? A frappuccino for Reese!”

Leaving my table to take my order, I sensed Cedric following behind me like a lost puppy. “McKenzie, I didn’t mean to offend you earlier. George was being…George. I didn’t want him to rear his horns at you when he seemed to have a stick up his ass. I had to do it because he would have destroyed you and your reputation—”

“Spare me the explanation, Sir.” Smiling at the barista, I thanked her as I took my drink. Facing my superior once more, I raised my chin at him. “If you don’t regret what you did earlier and that it is for a good cause, you shouldn’t be apologizing.”

Cedric appeared to be confused, standing there with a lost expression. “But you’re literally in a bad mood. I don’t understand what I should do…”

Walking past him, I began the trek back to where the car is with my superior in tow. Frappuccino in hand. “It’s unavoidable, Sir. Anyone who had to listen to what he said earlier would be. I wouldn’t blame anyone who wants to skin that man alive.”

At this moment, I even want to punch the man and pull his hair close to looking like a cheap wig. Maybe even use his gaudy leather shoes to smack him squarely on the head.

Taking me by the wrist, Cedric stopped me in my tracks. The pedestrian traffic light turned red. Cars racing to be the first on the lane when they would all meet at some point due to traffic downtown. “I understand, which is why I’m trying to make things better. I can’t have you working with me in such a foul mood. Didn’t I promise you a comfortable work experience? You haven’t forgotten about that, have you?”

“I haven’t,” I admitted softly, prying his hand off my wrist. “You just do a bad job at it.”

The light went green after a few moments, prompting us to cross the street. Sipping the frappuccino, the taste of coffee, milk, and whipped cream danced across my taste buds in a flurry. Ignoring the man chasing me from behind, still offering excuses. Seeing the car parked ahead with the driver waiting, I paused on my steps to stare at Cedric. He instantly did the same so he wouldn’t bump me.

“Reese…”

“Stop,” I whispered; exhaustion evident in my voice. “Let’s just forget it and go. What’s done is done…And it’s not like you can take back the words you said earlier.”

In the car, everyone was silent, including me. I didn’t have anything else to say nor wanted a point to get across. But as soon as we arrived, Cedric was instantly close to me once his driver stepped out to open his side of the door.

“I’m sorry you had to go through an unpleasant encounter earlier. And I’m sorry…about what I did.” Came Cedric’s soothing voice, filling the car space. “I didn’t know George was in such a bad mood. Next time, I’ll make sure he’s all gleeful before I take him out to lunch again.”

“You don’t have to…”

“Reese, please listen.”

Biting my lower lip, I gave him a tired glance. “Sir, I’m sorry…but I don’t feel well enough to continue working today. May I go home?”

Eyes widening, Cedric sighed deeply as he scratched his head sheepishly. “You know, I have other important things to do back in the office that require your assistance. I know you’re only new to this, but you can’t go home yet—”

“Cedric.”

He blinked at his name, then smiled sadly. I almost felt sorry for putting him on the spot. But I just couldn’t work so closely with him today. Not when I’m feeling conflicted and frustrated about what happened earlier. Whether to accept his apology or to brood over it until I forget. “That’s the first time you said my name since meeting me…And yet, it does not sound happy.”

What are you doing?

Why are you hurting Cedric?

“Sorry, but I just don’t like going back right now,” I mumbled more to myself, grazing the heel of my shoe against the car’s rough carpeted floor. “I know you did it to calm things down. But you embarrassed me in front of strangers and it angered me. After you did that, I wanted to hurt you. But I can’t do that…I want to be far away from you before I do something I might regret later on.”

Don’t be difficult.

“Reese—”

You love him!

“Shut up.”

“What?” Flinching at the harsh word that escaped my lips, Cedric leaned back against the car seat. My eyes were wide at how it went out unconsciously, followed by a stream of apologies to which he accepted with a nod. “It’s all right. I understand what happened earlier must have stunned you. And I’ll repeat this again…I didn’t do it to insult or offend you. I just didn’t have a choice.”

“Okay…”

Silence.

“You have your things with you?”

“Huh?”

“Did you leave anything important up in the office?”

“No.”

As soon as I confirmed his thoughts, he got out of the car and spoke to his driver for a few moments. The next thing I knew, he was behind the wheel and began driving away from the building. Anxious, I leaned forward to address my concern.

“Sir, where are we going?”

“I’m taking you home. You wanted to go home, correct?”

All I did was nod.

Time flew past like a flower wilting under the bright sun. We arrived in front of my house without a murmur between us, even as I got out of the vehicle. I didn’t have to turn to see he was following behind me. And at that moment, it came to me akin to lightning striking a tree.

Is he…keeping me with him because he feels it’s his duty as my boyfriend? Is that why he is bent on having me around and be his private secretary when I’m not cut out to be one?

He can’t let me go?

Without further ado, I faced him.

“Thank you for driving me home, Sir. It wasn’t necessary, but thanks.” When he didn’t respond, I continued. “I don’t mean to be harsh…But I think it is important if I tell you this now. Whatever we were in the past, forget about it and let me go.”

At the request, it came to me with no surprise to see him huff at how mad it may have sounded to him.

“What are you trying to say, Reese? Are you this tired to be spouting nonsense?”

Standing on my ground, I stated carefully. “You and I may have been lovers…But not now. I’ve forgotten, while you are here...suffering. This, whatever you have created, isn’t going to work out. I am never going to be that girlfriend again and a good secretary. You’re...”

You’re better off finding someone better.

“You think I’m suffering?” Cedric chuckled, crossing his arms across his chest. Seeming big and unafraid. “Is this what’s bothering you? Let me repeat what you said earlier then. Who are you to say about what I feel or not? But you are my girlfriend, having amnesia or none. I want you around me. I must say, seeing you care for me so much is making my heart warm.”

“No, you shouldn’t be happy at all!” I almost screamed, fisting my hands in fury at how lighthearted he took my words. “You should be taking this seriously! Why are you so nonchalant? Are you not angry that the person you love doesn’t feel the same way anymore?”

Cedric made a face. “Angry? Why would I be angry at you? You haven’t done anything to warrant my anger. It isn’t your fault you lost your memories. I am angry at George, though.” He laughed, chest rumbling. “I am so angry at him that I want to bring down his company. Down to the dirt he will be eating as soon as I’m finished with him.”

“Stop laughing. Stop!” Grabbing him by the collar of his shirt, I pulled him down to stare into his eyes. Voice wavering as I spoke to him in a quiet tone, scared anyone nearby could hear. “You don’t know how scary it is to lose your memories. I wake up every day, scared that I may come across a person I may have hurt and don’t know what to do. Scared that I may come across a friend, but it is only them who still thinks so. Scared that I may wake up and find out that I am not who I think I am…But you can never understand what it feels like to be afraid, waking up and finding out everything around you is an unknown void while everything familiar has left this earth. And here you are, someone I’m afraid of encountering…Someone who was my boyfriend in the past, chained to my former self. And do you know what scares me?”

“What?”

“That I may not be able to reciprocate that love you claim to have for me when I barely know you at all…”

And Cedric grinned confidently.

“I’m not afraid, Reese. Even if you lose all your memories, I know deep down you harbor a strong love for me. So strong and so dauntless that it even scares me sometimes. Maybe if you still have your memories, you wouldn’t be sputtering such fears for you never had it. You never had doubts, to begin with. I’m not afraid of you not reciprocating because I know that you will.”