Chapter 34: IN MY MIND

I scream. Fucking scream because... what the hell? This is the very last thing I expected this text to say. Shit, I didn't expect to hear from Rain at all until I texted him on Friday to tell him the hotel I wanted to go to. What the hell am I supposed to say back? It feels like my mind has completely emptied as my thumbs hover over the screen, trying to figure out what to type.

"Oh God." I groan as I finally begin responding.

Me:We're in the same boat, then. What have you been thinking about?

As soon as I send it, I regret it. How fucking cheesy.

"Get a God damn grip," I admonish myself.

It's not like he's about to text me back that he misses me or something. This isn't a relationship. If anything, he's probably going to text back that he's been thinking about sex, not actually me.

Rain:I've been hoping that you would call or text.

My eyes just about pop out of my head. He's been hoping for a text from me while I've been wanting one from him?

"No, no, no." I shake my head at myself, at my stupid heart. "Don't you dare feel anything for him. Don't do it."

It doesn't listen. It warms, it expands, it reaches for him. And I hate it for doing that when I know it'll only end with my heart getting broken. And it'll be all my fault for not being able to shut down every emotion rushing through me right now. And the phone vibrating in my hand again definitely doesn't help. Especially when I look down to confirm it is another text from Rain.

Rain:Were you going to?

I go back and forth with myself, trying to decide whether I should lie or not. But even though we're out of the hotel room, away from where Rain's rules apply, I still cannot defy him.

Me:I think I would have. I don't think I could have held myself back from texting you for too much longer.

Rain:What would you have said?

Me:I have absolutely no idea. That's probably been the sole thing keeping me in check.

Rain:Still nervous with me, Katy?

Me:Hell yes. And then at times, hell no. Since you were hoping I would text you, what were you hoping I would say?

I am glued to my spot on the couch, the remote forgotten, as I await text after text. I still cannot believe this is happening. If this is a dream, I will scream when I wake up.

Rain:I was hoping you would ask if I wanted to meet before Saturday.

A sharp breath leaves me. He wants to see me... again? Even if it's more like he wants to fuck me again, a thrill still goes through me at the thought.

Me:And if I had asked, what would you have said?

Rain:I would have told you to meet me at the Concord in an hour. Room 1004.

Me:I'll be there.

I wait for a response, but don't get one. What else would there be to say anyway? Then I'm off the couch, rushing toward the shower. When I get out, I hurry to the closet, knowing I need to pick an outfit quickly. Concord is at least twenty minutes from my apartment. I pick out a black dress, with a slit up the side.

After getting dressed, I slip into beige heels and gather my hair into a low ponytail. Then I'm out of the apartment, hurrying into the car. I arrive at Concord with a few minutes to spare. I go into the hotel, to the tenth floor, to room 1004. It's not until I go to knock on the door that I realize how different this time feels. It's not a Saturday. This is earlier than we've ever met. He's picked the hotel. And he texted me first. Will everything be the same though when I enter this room?

I don't even get the chance to knock on the door. It opens as I stand there trying to get my thoughts, and emotions, together. Rain isn't in boxer briefs this time. He has on a full suit, a white button-down shirt beneath a dark gray jacket, and tucked into pants of the same color. He even has on black shoes.

"How long were you going to stand out here?" Rain asks.

I tilt my head and inquire, "How did you know I was out here?"

"I asked you first."

"I don't know. I was thinking of all the things that feel different tonight."

"A good different?"

"I think so. Now, your turn."

"I could... feel when you got here. So I looked through the peephole and there you were."

Feel? I open my mouth to ask what he means, even though I think a part of me already knows, but he steps aside. The door opens wider, and every thought leaves my mind as I get my first glimpse into the room. Definitely different tonight.

On the table are trays of food, with candles placed between them. Two full glasses sit next to the plates, and a bottle is chilling in ice on a cart beside the table. I walk into the room in a stunned silence. The door closes behind me, but I don't turn to look at Rain, don't ask the questions that are racing through my mind. He walks around me, pulls out a chair and motions for me to sit in it.

"This is... unexpected," I slowly say while placing my purse on the floor beside me.

He smirks as he takes off his jacket and puts it on the back of the chair before sitting across from me. "I don't like being predictable. Are you telling me I am?"

"That's probably the last thing I would call you." I chuckle, reaching for one of the trays.

"What would you call me?"

I raise my eyes from the plate of baked chicken, potatoes gratin, and green beans to look at Rain.

"I would call you intense, demanding, domineering, intriguing..." My eyes go over him, his frame sitting lazily in the chair, comfortable under my gaze, smirking when I meet his eyes again. "Sexy, calculating, confident bordering on cocky."

Cocky?" He chuckles. "Hardly." I arch a brow and he continues, "Maybe a little arrogant. Not cocky, though."

"The difference being?"

"Arrogant means I think highly of myself. Cocky means I'm a dick."

"And you're not?"

"I would sure as hell hope not."

He begins eating his own food and there's silence between us, the sound of forks hitting plates the only sound. But in my head, my thoughts are screaming with their many questions. I'm so confused; what does this mean, why is he doing all of this, what changed between our last Saturday together and now?

"Stop thinking so much," he says.

"I can't really help it. What is this?"

"What do you want it to be?"

"You have a real habit of answering questions with questions."

"I know." Then he arches a brow, waiting for my answer.

"I don't know what I want this to be, because I never thought of anything beyond our Saturdays together. I mean, I've thought about it, but not in any real way."

His brows furrow. "Not in any real way. What does that mean?"

God, why is he asking me all of this? I don't know how to answer without giving too much of myself away. And I don't feel like it's safe to give any of myself away. These candles and this dinner don't negate the very real fact that I've been paid by Rain for three months of my time, of my body. That hasn't changed, so I have to believe anything I want beyond that is nothing but a fantasy in my mind. Something that will never be real. Otherwise, I'll end up getting my heart broken in three months.

"It means I'm your whore, and I can't really see beyond that," I finally answer.