Chapter 39: Dark Thoughts
Chapter 39: Dark Thoughts
Kade POV
I saw them, and my blood boiled. I watched from the shadows as Ronan and Sasha walked along the back path. Holding hands. Whispering sweet words. I didn’t call out to them. The truth is that it hurt in a way that I couldn’t even explain. But I tried to tell myself that it didn’t matter. Alpha first. Pack first. Feelings never. But the truth was simple: their connection was meant to be mine. Sasha was meant to be mine. Jealousy raged inside of me, and I hurried back to the packhouse in a blinded rage. Valen’s attack had left me feeling vulnerable, and now seeing Ronan and Sasha together made me feel crazy.
“Did you just get back?” Delia questioned. “You should rest, you look exhausted,”
“I’m fine,” I lied. Delia scoffed, and she didn’t seem to pick up on the anger that bubbled beneath the surface. I made a move to leave, but her hand shot out and she stopped me.
“What’s going on?” she asked. I had been mistaken. She had picked up on it. I growled low, and she took my hand in hers. “Come, I know exactly what you need,” she said. I didn’t argue as I let her lead me upstairs. When she opened my bedroom door, I frowned. But when she shut and locked the door behind me, my rage, my jealousy fizzled into something else.
“Delia,” I whispered. My voice was harsh and deep, but she didn’t say anything. I watched as she stripped out of her clothing until she stood before me completely naked. I gulped loudly as my cock hardened without consent. I didn’t love her. I didn’t even want her. But I had chosen her, and that meant my body reacted to her. Not just sexually. I tried to fight it, but Delia stepped closer.
“I know what this is, Kade. Take what you need,” she said. I shook my head as she reached out and pressed her hand against my chest. “You chose me, Kade. So let me be enough. At least for tonight,” I should have pushed her hand away. I should have told her the truth. But her touch was warm against the cold ache in me, and my body betrayed me. She rose on her toes and kissed me. It wasn’t soft, and she didn’t hesitate. Her mouth was insistent, hungry, like she was daring me to prove her wrong. I gave in. I kissed her back hard enough to taste iron, my hand sliding into her hair, dragging her closer until our teeth clashed. She gasped into me, fingers curling into my shirt, tugging me down to her. Her scent filled my head, different from Sasha’s, sharper, sweeter. It wasn’t what I wanted, but it was something, and I needed something. Delia pressed her body against mine, every curve fitting into me as though she had been carved to. Her hands explored, down my back, over my shoulders, slipping beneath the edge of my shirt. Her nails scraped skin, pulling a low sound from me I didn’t mean to give.
“Fuck,” I whispered as I caught her waist and pushed her backward until she hit the bed. She let herself fall onto it, pulling me down with her, her lips chasing mine before I could even think. Her mouth was fire, her tongue insistent, tasting, claiming. I kissed her back, rough and unrelenting, my hands roaming over her sides, down to her hips. She arched into me, answering every touch with her own, her fingers sliding beneath the fabric at my waist. It was desperate, unplanned, a rhythm neither of us controlled. She helped me to remove my clothing, and I sighed softly in relief. Her skin was warm against mine, smooth where my hands found it, trembling where my mouth brushed her neck. She tilted her head, giving me more, breathing hard, her voice catching when my lips traced along her collarbone.
“Kade,” she mewled in pleasure. It wasn’t gentle. It wasn’t careful. We were colliding, bruising, burning. My hands mapped her body as she pulled me closer until there was no distance left to erase. The anger in me turned molten, and she met it with fire of her own. Her gasps mixed with my growls, each kiss deeper, rougher, exploring and demanding in equal measure. When I pushed into her, I roared in absolute pleasure. Delia wrapped her legs around me, and that was all I needed.
“Delia,” I growled out her name. Maybe it was to remind myself that she wasn’t Sasha. Not that it mattered. I chased my orgasm, and when she tightened around me and cried out in ecstasy, I spilled into her. By the time we stilled, both of us were shaking, breathless, skin slick with heat. The silence after was thick, and weighted. Delia curled into my chest, fingers tracing slow lines over me like she was memorizing proof that she had been chosen. Her body fit easily against mine, soft and warm, like she belonged there. But even with her pressed close, the ache inside me didn’t fade. Because no matter how much I had touched her, kissed her, taken from her, my heart was still somewhere else. With someone else. And that truth cut sharper than any hunger. But I also couldn’t deny the passion we had just shared. It wasn’t love, but it wasn’t nothing either. Something was brewing between us. Delia rolled onto her side, head propped on her hand, watching me.
“Better?” she asked.
“No,” I said, because I was too tired to lie again. She smiled like she knew that already.
“It will be. We just have to cut out the noise,”
“What noise?” I asked, confused.
“Ronan. Sasha,” she stated simply, and I scoffed.
“You think it’s that easy?”
“Of course,” she said. I glanced at her.
“He is my brother,”
“No. He is a problem. He always has been…and so is she,” I closed my eyes. Memory came fast when I didn’t want it: Ronan standing between me and a fight I couldn’t win; Ronan taking blame that wasn’t his; Ronan walking away from the only home we had because the elders demanded a sacrifice, and he made sure it was him. I hated him for it. Delia traced a finger over the scar on my shoulder. “You could end this,” she murmured.
“How?”
“You know how,”
“That’s not an answer,”
“It is,” she said. “You just don’t like it,” she leaned in and kissed my cheek before she rolled out of bed. I watched as she grabbed her clothes from the floor and leave my bedroom. When I was alone with the quiet, I couldn’t help but face the thought in my mind.
Could I kill him?
I couldn’t believe it, but I truly considered it. All I had to do was kill him, and that would eliminate one of my biggest problems. No more jealousy. No more anger. No more comparison between the man I was and the man I was supposed to be.
Could I kill him?