Chapter 73: Chapter XXXIV Day Three of Scandals-2

I header to the foyer of the palace and sat on the imperial staircase, my eyes trained on the large double doors that stood massive against the palace's exterior. I wished for Cornelius to step through those doors, completely uninjured. I sat there for an eternity, just wishing and hoping but no one ever came. Jasper came to seat himself on the staircase, a little ways away from me, but we didn't speak. I couldn't speak, not when something like this has happened. He didn't give me any comforts and I respected it. He knew I wouldn't accept any 'it's going to be okay' lies when it has progressed so far down the dark road. My brother was gone, and he might never return. Suddenly, the doors swung open. I rose my eyes full of hope, although I knew the chance was slim that he would be standing there. As soon as I spotted the violet hair, I sunk my head back into my knees again. I couldn't handle something like this right now, and I guess my actions must have informed her of that because she didn't try to speak. Instead she just moved towards me and I examined her for a second. Her hair looked to be caught full of wind and that was my indication that she had come from gymnastics, if the leotard and the simple pair of trousers didn't give it away. She walked up the stairs until she stood in front of me and bend onto the step right below mine. She took my face into her hands and gently lifted until I looked straight into her eyes, my tearstained giving away whatever Sarina wanted to know. She brought me closer until my head laid on her chest, holding me tight as a supporting structure. I clung onto her as if I was going to fall to my death, and considering the circumstances, one could never know. My stayed that way, silently. I was thankful for that as I knew my hoarse voice wouldn't be any help. Jasper had his eyes trained on us only for a second before realization passed over him. He silently left the scene, giving us our privacy. I sniffled, trying not to cry again as I clung onto Sarina even more. She ran her hand down my back, cooing into my ear. "It's going to be okay," she told me, but I couldn't handle a lie right now. "No. It won't," "Your pessimistic attitude won't bring him back. In order to bring him back, you need to be a strong support structure for your people in order to bring the people who did this to justice," I don't know what set me off about her words, but I suddenly retaliated. "You think he was kidnapped?" I had a bit of venom in my voice and she realized that, pulling back slightly. "Is that not what happened?" I grimaced and shook my head, looking down. "No. Cornelius wasn't kidnapped, he ran away. And it's all my fault," I broke down in furious tears, pulling at my hair until it hurt. Sarina looked concerned for me and seemed to be unsure of herself. "That's not true. Your brother loves you. It's not your fault," I released my hands from my hair, taking a few strands of ugly caramel along with it. I looked into her eyes straight on, my emotional state taking its toll. "You're wrong! You're so wrong! If I hadn't intervened, then maybe all of this would've gone smoother! Then Cornelius wouldn't have run away! I was the one who caused him to snap, because I couldn't keep my damn mouth shut because I had to protect my bloody pride! My selfish nature is what caused this, nothing else. Maybe my father was correct. Maybe it would be better if I just gave up my title, because there's no way someone like me would be suitable to run an entire country! The people are supposed to put their faith in me, but how can I expect them to do that when I've caused so much pain? There has been a manhunt called twice because of me! I injured Caleb because he didn't fit my ideals and misused my honour. I hurt Max's feelings simply because I didn't like how open his personality was. I caused Cornelius to breakdown and runaway and he's been gone for three day. Three days! So don't tell me it's not my fault, because the way I see it, there is no one else to blame! I am imperfection incarnated and I can never remove myself from that fact," somewhere through my vent I had stood up and paced around on the staircase, Sarina's hurt eyes following me as I moved. "You're being too hard on yourself-" I cut her off before she could continue. "No. You're not being hard enough on me! I don't even deserve you. After so much crap I've put you through, lying to you about who I was and not trusting you about Caleb. I threw you into the deep end of all of this," I said, spreading my arms to refer to the palace interior. "And expected you to bounce right back into action as if it's the way it's always been. I demand too much from people and look what has happened," I scoffed, shaking my head as I looked at my feet. Not hearing her say anything had me curious, thus I raised my head to meet her eyes. I was shell-shocked as soon as my eyes met with hers. They were cold, colder than I had ever seen on a person and definitely not on her. In this state she could commit a murder and not feel guilty about it. Just another thing I had caused without realising it. "Fine. You want me to be hard on you? You've got it," Sarina spoke lowly, her eyes glaring at my figure. "I thought I was your friend! I thought I gained your trust and you opted to never tell me a single thing about you! I always told you humiliating stories about myself to make you feel better about that lunatic boyfriend of yours! I warned you about everything he did but apparently I was just the rebound friend when he was starting to get onto your nerves. I've always been supportive of you, since day one. I wasted my time talking to you, telling you what I think just so you could turn around and ignore all of that! Then you found out about what that bastard actually did and you took actions against it, and landed yourself in a stupid hospital! How idiotic can you be? I had thought you were a normal, calming person! That was what you said you preferred, right? You don't like people who shine brightly, but maybe that's because you prefer to be in the spotlight. When I found out that you were the Princess I was deeply hurt because you never said a word of it to me! I thought that if you came to me with all your problems, then you at least trusted me enough to know something as big as your entire identity! I guess I was wrong. And then you just hop off towards another country, leaving me here as if I was a ragdoll to be thrown away. You cozied up to the Prince and that made me incredibly jealous. You know why? Because the friendship that we formed in two months apparently isn't as strong as the bond that you can form with him in two weeks! Did you not want to be friends with me? Is that what it was? I even coloured my hair for you! I changed my entire appearance, for you! And I hate it. And then you come back and suddenly you liked me as if it was always like that. Was that a lie? Do you actually even care for me or do you just feel the guilt? I thought it was all true, because my feelings were. But if you couldn't even tell me something as big as your brother going missing, then maybe I was wrong," and with that Sarina spun around and began to rush out of the palace, not turning her head back. "Sarina!" I called out, hoping the utter hurt in my voice didn't show. "Sarina!" but she did not return and instead left the palace grounds. "Gah!" I screamed, kicking my foot against the staircase railing. I immediately regretted it, feeling the pulsating pain growing in my foot. I shook my head, trying to shake off the anger. I headed back up eh stairs, completely conflicted with my emotions. I passed Jasper on the way, certain that he had heard anything. "What should I do?" I asked him, still freaked out from everything that had just happened. He had his eyes trained on my tense figure and slowly released a breath. "Princess, I'm sorry, but that was all your fault," I grimaced and pulled at my hair again, my scalp protesting. "I know that! But what do I do to fix it?" Jasper sighed at me, as if I was asking the stupidest question in the world. His eyes were conflicted, as if dealing with an eternal struggle. His expression reminded me of my own in some twisted way. "What else can you do but apologize?" but I knew that the simple task was far from easy. I had messed up, and now I needed to fix it.