Wedding Day

Thanks to the rehearsal from the other day, standing next to the bride didn’t faze me. Although Fred was there, in the front row, close enough to touch, I was calm. We hadn’t touched since that kiss outside my door. It was getting easier to believe it hadn’t happened. That nothing had never happened.

Warmth spread through my chest at the sight of my best friend, sparkling with happiness. I wondered what it was like, to love someone openly, without shame or fear of being discovered.

After Nora and Jax said their vows, I could finally relax. Whatever else came next, I had done my part. Across the aisle from me, Mitchell winked. I smiled back. To my surprise, it was a genuine smile. Mitchell had been by my side these past few days, sharing the tedium and stress.

Nora was right about him. He was smart and funny. He was the kind of guy I enjoyed spending time with. Objectively speaking, he was handsome. I liked him. It was nothing like what I felt for Fred. The difference wasn’t just the crazy passion Fred inspired in me. I felt no shame about liking Mitchell.

A few minutes later, during his best man speech, I found myself laughing with everyone else. I wished I could fall for Mitchell or someone very much like him. For a soul-shattering moment, I wished I had never met Fred Mr. Fred

When I looked over to the father of the bride, I saw him watching me. Our gazes met and he didn’t flinch. I was the one who looked away first, ashamed. Guilty. I’d been the one forcing the limits of our relationship, and I was regretting it.

I sat on pins and needles waiting for my chance to get away from the company of all these people I didn’t like. Mitchell was the only one who didn’t annoy me, but he wasn’t enough to offset the irritation caused by the bridesmaids.

When everyone’s attention was focused on the bride and groom’s first dance, I made my way stealthily toward my parents’ table. Being in charge of the wedding details, I had asked the hotel staff to put an extra chair at their table. To my relief, no one had taken it away, and I sat next to my mother.

“I told you it’s for her,” my dad told my mom.

“Of course it’s for me,” I said. “I promised I’d stay with you after the ceremony.”

“You should be there with your friends,” mom said. “Go. Dance. Have fun.”

Those things didn’t go together. I didn’t feel like dancing with anyone and I certainly wasn’t going to have fun watching Melanie dance with Fred. I was sure she was going to make a move, if she hadn’t already made her move the night before.

“They’re not my friends,” I said sulkily.

More and more people had joined the happy couple on the floor. When the second song started, my father stood up and looked at me pointedly.

“Come on,” he said and jerked his head toward the dancefloor.

“But daaaaad, I don’t want to dance.”

“No whining. Let’s go.”

I huffed, but I followed him.

“Are you ok?” he asked when we started dancing.

“Sure. Just tired.”

“You know, you’re allowed to have fun even if you’re not in Paris.”

“Ha-ha,” I said. “Just don’t leave me stranded here or I’m never talking to you again.”

“What can you possibly mean?”

“Like I can’t smell entrapment a mile away. You got me here because you want someone to cut in and I start ‘having fun’.”

“Would it be that bad?” he asked.

“Yeah, dad,” I said more seriously than I wished. “Tonight, it would be.”

He studied me with that intense lawyer stare, trying to guess what I wasn’t telling him. Since most of the people I knew were lawyers or preparing to be lawyers, I was used to that sort of examination. I didn’t betray anything, although I was aware of Fred dancing with his daughter a little way away.

“Ok, honey. Let’s go back.”

We walked back to our table before the song was over, not giving anyone the chance to cut in.

When we got back, Mia Fredwas sitting next to my mother. To my horror, I realized that they were talking about me. Actually, my mother was talking.

There had to be something about the wedding atmosphere. Or maybe my mother had forgotten her two-drinks limit. Whatever it was, I couldn’t believe that she was publicly complaining about me not bringing a date.

“In three years, she never brought anyone home. We met Christophe when we visited her last summer. He was such a sweet guy. Next time I asked about him, she was like ‘Christophe who?’”

Mia laughed good-naturedly.

“We’ll be at her wedding in no time, you’ll see.”

I smiled awkwardly at Mia.

“I have to check on something,” I said. “Thanks for the dance, dad.”

When I returned, I found my mother alone at the table, while my father was dancing with Mia.

“Sorry about earlier,” she said. “You don’t have to rush into something because someone else expects it of you.”

“Don’t worry, mom. I was brought up to make my own decisions.”

She nodded, pleased with my answer. They had raised me to think with my own head. Even when they didn’t like my decisions, they hadn’t forced me to do what they wanted.

I leaned my head on my mother’s shoulder. I didn’t even have the energy to pretend I was having fun.

When Nora looked over to us, my first instinct was to hide under the table. My mother wanted me to be happy, and she had the patience to let me find happiness. My best friend on the other hand, wanted me to be happy, and she wanted me to be happy ASAP.

Fortunately, someone intercepted the bride and I escaped a stern rebuke for not having an appropriate amount of fun at her wedding.