Chapter Two — I’m Trying to Heal

The hardest part about heartbreak is the part where you get stuck on the memories you both had. Those moments that became memories you cherish so much, slow down the process of healing. It’s been two weeks since the break up and I haven’t been able to get over Mark at all, the only good thing that has happened is coming to terms with the fact that all that happened is very real, and I didn’t deserve to be treated that way. It is a ‘good thing’ because the first step to healing is coming to terms with the fact that the person you trusted the most broke you, and as a matter of fact it actually really happened.

I sat on the floor in the kitchen, waiting for the frozen chicken I put in the microwave to defrost. It was my first attempt at cooking since the breakup. I’d been ordering takeout, which I usually ended up throwing in the bin because I always lost interest in eating after the first bite.

The beep of the microwave startled me, I had drifted off already, memories about Mark and I won’t stop flowing through my mind. I let out a deep sigh as I walked towards the microwave, the chicken hadn’t defrosted yet. I increased the timer and was heading back to my spot on the floor when I heard a loud noise outside. I rushed to living room, and the sound got clearer. It was a Sia song, and not just a song but my favorite: ‘Bird Set Free.’ I smiled, for the first time in two weeks, knowing someone else out there loved the song made me feel not so alone. I was heading back to the kitchen when I noticed the sound wasn’t stopping, I had thought it was a car passing by that was playing the song out loud, but somehow it still sounds loud and as close as ever, I turned back and rushed towards the window to peep and I saw a young man, packing groceries from his car into the house opposite mine. I thought the house was vacant. He seemed like that loud ‘party every Friday’ kind of neighbor and that was the last thing I wanted, not even now when I was trying to get over mark and needed silence. No matter how much I hate it, there’s just so little I could do, I just hope he minds his business and stays far away from me.

This is the third serving of sauced chicken and pasta I would be having. Maybe Gluttony was one of the symptoms of heartbreak recovery process. Now I remember Mark thought me how to make it, it was one of his favorites and turned out being mine as well. I let out a scoff through a mouth full of pasta.

“Bastard” I muttered. As I stood up with the dish of pasta and walked over to the kitchen to get the pot so I could turn everything into the bin. I hate him so much, and every single thing that has to do with him, how could someone be so wicked? What did I ever do to him? As these questions go through my mind they get accompanied by tears, I felt so helpless. I just sat down by the bin with the empty pot on the floor and cried to my heart’s content.

*****

“Who is it?” I muttered. If the bin was human it wouldn’t have heard because of how low my voice was.

I stayed still and continued lying on the floor, hoping the doorbell wouldn’t ring again, but it continued. I let out a deep sigh as I cussed under my breath, I wanted to be alone who on earth was it.

I opened the door to see a young man, my first guess was that he was the new neighbor, but I wasn’t sure, I didn’t see his face earlier, only his back view when he carried groceries in. I stayed by the door and didn’t say a word.

“Hi, I am your new neighbor,” he said with a smile, like he really wanted that neighbor friendship thing. I still didn’t say a word and just stared at him with a straight face. If he was wise he would not talk any further and just mind his business and go back to his house.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Mark Will. I live just opposi—” Before he could complete his sentence, I scoffed, cutting him off. How can his name be Mark? The audacity! I scoffed again and shook my head. My whole life seemed like a movie at this point.

I cleared my throat “erm, let this be the last time you do this, I don’t care if you live here or in the clouds, just stay out of my business” I said angrily. I saw the smile he had on his face fade. I couldn’t care less and stormed back inside.

As I made my way in I fell on the floor, now resting my back on the door and hugging my knees. Why did life have to be unfair sometimes, I could hear a tiny voice in my head tell me life wasn’t unfair to me and I was doing just fine, but I ignored it. The guy I loved and trusted so much, hurt me, how could I ever trust anyone again?

*****

I tilted my head to the side, hoping the noise would stop. Its midnight and I’ve only just started to really sleep after several failed attempts and images of Mark in my head. I opened eyes and tried listening closely, now that I have gotten out of the unconscious state, I could hear clearly. The music playing was loud enough to burst people’s eardrum. My first guess was my new neighbor Mark… sorry Will, and I was right he turned out to be the one when I checked through the blinds in the living room. People were going in and out of his house. My instincts were right about him being the lousy, party every Friday type of neighbor. What is wrong with him, why would he be disrupting other people’s peace just for some vain party that would only give temporary pleasure?

I decided to go over and ask him to turn down the volume of the music or end the party because he wasn’t the only one in the neighborhood. I didn’t bother changing my outfit, it was just plain white shorts and a blue crop hoodie.

“Hello, I would like to talk to the owner of this house” I said angrily to the first person I saw sitting at the entrance.

“I think I last saw him by the” he goes off and starts looking at me. He was obviously drunk and maybe even high.

“Uhm, Hello, you were saying?” I waved my hands.

“Kitchen, kitchen” he said this time, as he stood up and walked back in. I followed, thinking he was taking me to where Will was, but he slumped on the couch in the living room, on two lovers, who screamed and cussed at his unconscious body as they pushed him off themselves.

I walked to the kitchen to search for Will, I was getting angrier by the minute and couldn’t take it anymore, I felt like walking to the speaker and smashing it. I sat on a table by the kitchen trying to stay calm and also look out for him, just then I spotted one of my Mark’s favorite drink on the shelf, I don’t know why but this strangely sent shivers down my spine and a tear dropped from my eyes, that’s pretty much all I could remember, I found myself lying on a mat along with strange faces in the living room the following morning.

‘What am I doing here’ I thought to myself as rubbed my face to clear my eyes. I am really in my neighbor’s house. I can remember how I got in but how did I end up here, on the floor lying beside strangers in his living room. I tried so hard to remember something but I couldn’t. I felt like something huge happened but I just couldn’t remember. I sat up, resting on one hand.

“No, ewww,” I muttered as the young man that was lying beside me placed one of his hands on my back. He muttered a few indistinguishable words, and when I hit his hand off me, he placed it on the other lady lying beside him, who was still sleeping as well.

I stood up immediately and looked around to see if I could spot the guy I came here to see anywhere but he wasn’t anywhere around. Now that I could take a good look at his house, it is way more spacious than mine. I mean what did I expect, his house was a big duplex, and mine was just a bungalow.

After looking around and admiring how spacious and fine the house is, I decided to head back to my house. I thought about looking for him and going up stairs but that wouldn’t make any sense I would seem like a really crazy neighbor.

I got to my apartment feeling really thirsty, with a sharp pain in my head. I obviously got drunk but how? I head to the fridge immediately. I let out a gasp as I finished the second cup of water. Just then I get flashing images of me being in Will’s face and shouting.

“Oh, no” I exclaimed. I tried to remember what really happened but everything was blank. Now I wouldn’t stop panicking. What if I said something I wasn’t supposed to or did something I shouldn’t have?

I spent the next two hours trying to think about what really happened and calm my anxious nerve. Just then I start to remember all that happened. I could feel my heart racing against my chest. I decided to head to his house and apologize immediately.