Chapter 92: 92. Hopelessness

92. Hopelessness

- Natalie -

Next day when I went to school with Dad. We planned to keep the trip short. But the paperwork took a little longer. By the time we got out of the admin office, it was lunchtime.

Everyone threw glances at me. Worst part was some students passed comments even when Dad was walking beside me. Cowards took advantage of the crowd and whistled and threw some remarks.

“I wonder if she will stick with him now.”

“Or maybe both…”

“Or more..”

Then they laughed.

“Keep your mouth shut or I will punch you right now.” Dad warned a student.

I grabbed my dad’s arm in horror and pulled him out of the school. I didn’t want him to do anything. He would have been arrested. Teenagers know adults can't hit them. This is why they can be loud mouths sometimes.

Everything played out just the way it happened last year after that party. It’s not that bad. I told myself. Still, by the time we sat in the car I was shaking.

But what happened next I had never imagined.

“I fucking hope you keep your distance from boys now!” Dad burst out at me in anger.

I flinched at the way his voice rose.

“Or do you want something worse to happen before learning your lesson?”

“It’s not my fault!” I answered him in anger.

“Of course not! But tell me why it’s always you!“ He asked, and I wanted to melt in my seat.

“Amy is a year younger than you. She never faced any of this shit! Do you know why?”

I swallowed hard and looked out of the window.

Because she is a better person.

“You do not know how to tell if a boy is good or bad for you.”

I blinked, and tears slipped out of my eyes.

“That boy West! I am sure he has something to do with all this. but you still defended him, saying he has nothing to do with it.”

I wanted to tell him my reasoning, but words didn’t come out of my mouth. My heart broke that Dad was disappointed with me.

“And on Friday night you went to attend his birthday party! I can’t believe you Natalie… A boy can treat you like sh-t and you can still be friends with him!”

It made me cry. Because he was right.

“Even though Jacob has dumped you and insulted you… I dread the idea that you will probably still go back to him…” His voice broke.

It made me cry harder. He was right. I wanted to call Jacob. In my brain fog, I couldn’t remember why I wanted to call him. But I wanted to hear his voice. Patch up with him.

I handed him my phone and said, “Delete their numbers and block their contacts…” I sob and tell him, “block their email and everything… I promise I won’t get in touch with them again Dad… I will never get into boy’s trouble anymore.”

“I will get you a new number, Natalie. To make sure they can not contact you.” He took my phone away then drove me home.

“Did you ever see me mistreat your mom?” He asked as we reached home.

No…

“Take a break from dating Natalie…” He told me softly. “With fresh eyes and at a new place, maybe you will find someone better. But for now, take a break. It breaks my heart to see you miserable… And same things keep happening with you again and again… “

I nodded.

“Come here, give me a hug.”

Then I hugged him and cried for a long time.

.

- Jacob -

.

Almost a month has already passed and my feelings about Natalie have changed from anger to confusion to utter disappointment and finally I am creeping towards anguish. With each day passing, my hope is fading away.

I probably hurt her way too much. This is why she didn’t contact me.

I am confused, If I should give up too?

…..

That day when I realized I had made a mistake, I went to see her.

“She doesn’t want to see you,” her father had told me.

I didn’t believe him for a second. I knew she must be angry, because I remembered how I had lashed out at her. I felt guilty and ashamed. I ended up doing exactly what Ira had warned me against.

I didn’t trust her and used harsh words.

“Let me talk to her once. There is some misunderstanding….” I plead.

He shaked his head and tried to close the door on my face.

I blocked the door and called her out in desperation, “Natalie!”

I knew her father never liked me, but in that moment I saw how much he hated me. He pushed me hard in anger. I stumbled back and fell down the door-steps.

“You cannot shame her, then demand to meet her.” He spat.

I didn’t know! I wanted to yell back at him. I was wrong the way I talked to her. But I didn’t know a damn thing!

I wish I hadn’t let the stupid insecurities take over… All she had to do was yell in my face that the pics are old. I would have listened to her.

I swear to God I would have believed her.

I was too heartbroken to realize anything. I wish I could change it.

“How dare you push my son, Relish!” My dad roared and came towards us striding.

“Keep your Goddamn son at your place and don’t you even place a foot on my property!” Her father spat back.

“Stop showing your strengths at a minor you-!”

“Dad!” I stopped him and pulled him towards our home.

On any other day, I would have felt happy that for once dad took a stand beside me. But at this moment, I couldn’t feel anything. My mind couldn’t shake the fact that I couldn’t see her. Deep inside, I was really afraid that she really didn’t want to see me.

Will she ever forgive me?

….

Another day at school ends and I wait in my car. Finally, Riley rushes towards my car and gets in quickly. I have been picking and dropping her home for the last two weeks. I noticed West was stalking her. She didn’t say anything to me but I could see her turn wary whenever he approached her or took the same bus as hers.

When I offered her help, she agreed easily. So I guess West is indeed bothering her.

And Yes… Now everyone thinks I am dating her to get even with West.

She wears her seat belt and says breathlessly, “Let’s go…”

“You okay, Riley?” I ask her. Sometimes she seems too restless and fidgety.

She nods, too quickly. I take a quick glance at her arms and start the car.

No bruises.

…..

“Any news from Natalie…” she asks after a while.

“No…” I feel the dread as I choke the words out of my mouth. “I don’t think she wants to get in touch.”

I don’t even know where she is. That day when her father didn’t let me meet her… I thought I would talk to her whenever I spot her outside her house. It didn’t take me long to realize she had left for good.

Riley stays quiet for a moment then says in a breaking voice, “I wish… I wish I had talked to her on the bus that day… I was too heartbroken and hurt to even talk to her…”

She takes a pause then adds, “If I knew she would cut us off for good I would have talked to her… Apologized to her… for not understanding the obvious that West had mistreated her… betrayed her.”

I swallow hard. Riley had explained it to me once. What she gathered from the images and her own memories from a year ago. Although West said they were just fooling around, Riley seemed sure that wasn’t the case.

And this is why she broke up with him.

…..

As I drop her in front of her house, she says, “She had a friend… childhood friend..”

“Ira?”

“Yeah! Ira.. yeah… Do you think we could talk to her?”

I sigh. “She isn’t picking my calls either…”

I think for a moment and say, “I will visit her today.”

Again.

I have visited her twice and just like Amy; she wasn’t ready to talk to me. Even if Natalie doesn’t want me back, I want to apologize to her. Probably pushing myself into her life isn’t the right way to apologize. But I was wronged too.

She didn’t tell me the truth.

She owes me for that!