Chapter 13: First soul kiss
Of course not, my madness doesn't reach that point - I said dryly.
You're not crazy, Anastasia. You're just in a melancholic state and it's questionable to dismiss any depressive episode, which fortunately you don't have. Now… let's move on to the root of the conflict of not being able to be sexually intimate with Cristina.
Oh, my god! Has Melisa told you about that? - I asked scandalized, covering my mouth.
Let me remind you, Anastasia, that Melisa and I are friends, okay? She is also going through a problem of being in love with you and not being reciprocated as she desires - she explained, smiling. Her eyes filled with a mischievous shimmer. I stayed silent as the doctor observed me with inquisitive eyes. Despite my resistance to say something about the matter, the doctor continued speaking - Alright, currently, your sexual need is very linked to your melancholic state and you are repressing it because of those latent emotions. That's why you cry every time you're about to have sex. But we'll work on that in the next session - she said firmly. But after what I saw that afternoon, I wouldn't go to another session with her. Having so much mentally to work on made me think that I could really lose control of my mind.
To think that Melisa had a problem being in a relationship with me saddened me. I didn't want it to be like that, I was the one who tried to have the first sexual encounters with Melisa. However, I couldn't go any further, I wished to know why I pushed her away, why I desperately wanted to distance myself from her or stop kissing her before crying in her mouth. When I have relationships, I never resign myself to thinking that I can only shine with beings of another race, shooting stars like Paola and me. My skin sparkled when I was with Melisa, she enjoys it and doesn't even notice my glow as something supernatural. However, I had created a new tense atmosphere between Melisa and me, now that we had more trust, she desired intimacy and I rejected it. Melisa wanted to possess me, for my glow to belong to her completely, I gave in to her, but I realized that I was bored, every gesture, every orgasm and moan. So I decided to stop it before I had to get bored or worse, hurt her feelings. On the other hand, maybe Melisa had sought guidance in therapy to calm herself down, perhaps suspecting that it was because of Paola, but without fully believing that I hadn't been able to forget her. I was sure I wouldn't return to sessions with Dr. Mercedes, but I couldn't blame Melisa for talking about our sex life with the doctor without addressing the root of the problem: the pleasure that she didn't awaken in me. A distant pleasure, forgotten, abandoned, that couldn't emerge with synchrony, beauty, or anything that was beneath the lightness of the soul.Of course not, my madness doesn't reach that point - I said dryly.
You're not crazy, Anastasia. You're just in a melancholic state and it's questionable to dismiss any depressive episode, which fortunately you don't have. Now… let's move on to the root of the conflict of not being able to be sexually intimate with Cristina.
Oh, my god! Has Melisa told you about that? - I asked scandalized, covering my mouth.
Let me remind you, Anastasia, that Melisa and I are friends, okay? She is also going through a problem of being in love with you and not being reciprocated as she desires - she explained, smiling. Her eyes filled with a mischievous shimmer. I stayed silent as the doctor observed me with inquisitive eyes. Despite my resistance to say something about the matter, the doctor continued speaking - Alright, currently, your sexual need is very linked to your melancholic state and you are repressing it because of those latent emotions. That's why you cry every time you're about to have sex. But we'll work on that in the next session - she said firmly. But after what I saw that afternoon, I wouldn't go to another session with her. Having so much mentally to work on made me think that I could really lose control of my mind.
To think that Melisa had a problem being in a relationship with me saddened me. I didn't want it to be like that, I was the one who tried to have the first sexual encounters with Melisa. However, I couldn't go any further, I wished to know why I pushed her away, why I desperately wanted to distance myself from her or stop kissing her before crying in her mouth. When I have relationships, I never resign myself to thinking that I can only shine with beings of another race, shooting stars like Paola and me. My skin sparkled when I was with Melisa, she enjoys it and doesn't even notice my glow as something supernatural. However, I had created a new tense atmosphere between Melisa and me, now that we had more trust, she desired intimacy and I rejected it. Melisa wanted to possess me, for my glow to belong to her completely, I gave in to her, but I realized that I was bored, every gesture, every orgasm and moan. So I decided to stop it before I had to get bored or worse, hurt her feelings. On the other hand, maybe Melisa had sought guidance in therapy to calm herself down, perhaps suspecting that it was because of Paola, but without fully believing that I hadn't been able to forget her. I was sure I wouldn't return to sessions with Dr. Mercedes, but I couldn't blame Melisa for talking about our sex life with the doctor without addressing the root of the problem: the pleasure that she didn't awaken in me. A distant pleasure, forgotten, abandoned, that couldn't emerge with synchrony, beauty, or anything that was beneath the lightness of the soul.A distant pleasure, forgotten, abandoned, that couldn't emerge with synchrony, beauty, or anything that was beneath the lightness of the soul.