Chapter 98 Punchline
Chapter 98 Punchline
"You sound like a deranged conspiracy theorist. You know that, right?" I scoffed. "We literally lear about this in middle school. It was a massive historical fraud, and there is zero historical evidence that any so-called 'Pureblood' werewolf ever existed!"
Damon chuckled softly, shaking his head. "God. You were ironing our shirts, and you still managed to find the time to be a massive nerd. That’s genuinely impressive."
"Fuck off, Damon!" Cole growled, leaning forward over the console. "Save the bit for when we're in front of Ernest."
"I was just teasing her, relax," Damon replied, waving a hand dismissively.
"Well, stop it!" Cole said.
"Guys, we are completely losing the plot here," Nate interjected loudly over the hum of the engine.
"It's not my fault Prince Charming over here decided he needs to duel me to protect his precious little princess from a harmless joke," Damon sneered back.
"Oh, here we go again!" Cole threw his hands up. "Damon gets insecure, gets jealous, and acts like a massive prick to compensate. You know what, man? Maybe Iris would actually stand to be in the same room as you if you didn't act like a complete sociopath every five minutes!"
"Oh, right, because you're Mr. Sensitivity now?" Damon shot back, his voice dripping with venom. "Let's pretend you didn't pour an entire cup of hot coffee over her lap during junior year just because you caught her talking to some freshman guy in the hallway. Oh, wait! Or what about that time you took her bra and gave it to that mangy black barn cat of yours to use as a scratcher? Or that time—"
"How about you shut the fuck up, Damon?!" Cole roared, veins bulging along his neck.
"Guys, shut up, we need to—" Nate pleaded.
"All I'm saying," Damon shouted over Nate, "is that statistically speaking, out of the three of us, I was probably the one who messed up with Iris the least!"
"You know this isn't a fucking competition, right?!" Cole yelled.
I sat frozen between them, my head whipping back and forth as the chaos unfolded.
It was utterly surreal. Damon and Cole were practically ready to throw hands across the front seats, while Nate drove at eighty miles an hour desperately trying to play referee, and I was trapped in the back watching the most unhinged domestic dispute of my life.
They were literally screaming at each other over who had bullied me the least.
I pressed the heels of my hands against my eyes. A strange, bubbling pressure built in the center of my chest, rising up through my throat.
And then, I burst out laughing.
I didn't just chuckle. I didn't just smile. A loud, hysterical, breathless laugh tore out of my mouth, echoing wildly inside the enclosed car.
The shouting instantly died.
The silence that followed was absolute, broken only by the sound of my own unhinged laughter. Cole froze, staring at me with wide, bewildered eyes. Damon slowly turned around in his seat, looking at me like I had completely lost my mind, and I could see Nate glancing frantically in the rearview mirror every two seconds.
I couldn't stop. I doubled over, clutching my aching stomach, hot tears of sheer, absurd exhaustion streaming down my cheeks.
"God..." I gasped, wiping my face, my voice shaking with laughter. "I hate all of you so fucking much!"
I meant it, but in the most endearing way possible. I didn't hate them the way I hated Ernest. It was the complete opposite. Against all rational logic, against every survival instinct I possessed... I loved them. In different ways, in varying degrees of messiness, but I loved them. I was currently sacrificing myself and enduring horrific abuse from their father just to keep them safe.
And yet, they were still the same breathtakingly stupid, arrogant boys who had made my life a living nightmare. They were trying, somehow, to save me from my evil rapist stepfather, and they still managed to find the time to argue about who I was supposed to like the most.
It was hysterical. The fact that the universe had looked down at my miserable life and decided that these three handsome idiots were my fated mates was the ultimate punchline. It gets funnier when I remember they rejected me as well!
I took a deep, shuddering breath, pressing a hand against my ribs to steady my pulse.
"Please," I rasped, wiping away the last of the tears. "Explain to me how this stupid argument, this flash kidnapping, and the whole Pureblood thing are connected. I am dying to know, seriously."
Cole and Damon stared at each other, looking entirely thrown off, as if my laughter had completely short-circuited their brains.
"Right... We should get back to that," Cole muttered, clearing his throat awkwardly.
Nate gripped the steering wheel tighter, meeting my eyes in the mirror with a quiet, unsettling gravity.
"The thing is, Iris... Purebloods are real," Nate said, his tone dead, steady, and devoid of humor. "And you're one of them. Actually... You're the only one. There are no others. Just you. I don't really know why I used the plural."
A small, incredulous laugh escaped my throat. "Alright. I’m serious, Nate. No more jokes. Where are we actually going?"
I turned to Cole, expecting a smirk, but his jaw was set like stone.
I looked at Damon. He was staring out the windshield, dead serious.
They were all serious.
"This is a joke, right?" I whispered, my smile fading.
Cole looked directly into my eyes. "It's not a joke, Iris."