Chapter 51: chapter fifty one

Adam's POV

"Forget that we had sex." Her skin becomes darker, and it's noticeable even in the dim light. She clears her throat. "And uhm... also forget what happened after."

I don't have to ask her what she means, understanding that she is referring to her loss of consciousness. I don't think it's something she should be ashamed of, though. But I don't tell her this, knowing that she wouldn't care to hear it. After all, she just demanded I forget everything, like it didn't mean anything to her.

"Why?" I ask her.

If I'm to do as she says - although it is impossible - I would have to get a good reason. It isn't just her experience; it is mine too. And it's like she's taking away my right to feel happy about being with my mate.

She turns, her lips pressed into a thin line. "Why do you need an explanation?"

I stand, like the seat suddenly became too hot for me. "Don't you think I deserve one? After all, you are my-" I stop myself, the word "mate" catching in my throat. I know that she despises the word, and using it would only worsen things. "It happened between us, Tammy. Me and you. So, how can you just ask me to forget?"

She rises, her movements sharp. "It's not that difficult. Just act like it didn't happen. Can't you do that?"

"No, I can't. Why do you expect me to act like my first time with you meant nothing? Like I hadn't been waiting for that moment since I found out you were my mate?"

"Don't call me that word," she hisses, her teeth gritted.

"What? Mate?"

"Yes. Don't call me that."

I step closer. "Why does it bother you so much? You don't want to believe it, that's fine with me. But what you don't get to do, is come here and demand that I pretend this isn't real," Realizing I was speaking with a raised voice, I inhale, trying to calm myself. "You don't have that right. I've not made you make decisions you didn't want to, and you shouldn't make me do that, either."

"Coming from someone who tricked me into coming here," she mutters, her voice barely audible. I hear it anyway.

Usually, I would let it slide. But tonight, I am drained. Tired of this cycle we keep repeating.

As much as I hate to say this; for the first time, I wished my mate wasn't human. I'm sick of always having to explain everything, of holding back my feelings because I'm afraid she'll leave. And most importantly, I'm absolutely fucking tired of her being here only on conditions. Why does it have to always feel like my being with her has been put on a countdown?

I clench and unclench my fists, trying to dissipate the sudden surge of anger I feel. I want to tear at her, and not in a good way.

I try to keep my voice low and controlled, as I reply. "Did I keep you here? Did I force you to stay?" Unable to hold my gaze, she turns her eyes to the ground. "You left after finding out the truth, didn't you? So, why did you easily agree to return when I went after you?"

She remains silent.

"Exactly. Don't fucking make it sound like you didn't have a choice. You did, and you chose what you wanted. Don't put it on me." I turn, needing to get away before I do something I regret.

"Adam... please. I need you to do this for me." The desperation in her voice calls out to me, making me pause.

I almost scoff at that. Like I hadn't already been holding myself back. Just. For. Her. What has she done for me, that would make me consider listening to her right now?

My rational side tugs at me, pushing through the cloud of anger, and I face her. It's not like me pretending would change anything. She doesn't like me. Attracted, yes, but that's just it. I don't get why she's making a big deal of it.

"Why is it so important? Why do you want me to pretend so badly?"

"Because..." she breathes.

I arch a brow. "Because?"

Tammy sighs, shrinking into herself. "You know what? You're right. I can't ask you to pretend just because I am uncomfortable. You can do what you want."

I pinch the bridge of my nose, my anger rising. "What makes you think you can just change your mind like that?"

She clicks her teeth. "I agreed, shouldn't you be satisfied?"

"Fucking hell, Tammy." I kick the floor and she flinches. "Don't do this. You demanded something of me, I asked why, and now you're suddenly agreeing? What are you hiding?"

I take two steps closer, and she takes one back, so I move again. With each step I take closer to her, she takes one away from me until she's pressed against a tree. I cage her between my arms.

She doesn't look at me, so I lift her chin to me with my finger. "What are you hiding, Tammy?" I whisper.

Her eyes dart around my face, never meeting mine. Then she folds her arms across her chest. "I'm not hiding anything from you. And even if I am, it's none of your business." She attempts to portray confidence, but her voice easily betrays her. I know she's affected by my presence.

I lean in, taking in her flowery scent I love so much. It tempers my anger a bit. It's like a reminder that she is still my mate, no matter how much she doesn't want it.

Her eyes flutter closed, and she turns her face away from me, her breath heavy. "Do I affect you that much, Tammy? Is it because you don't want to accept that you might actually like me?"

My words seem to snap her out of her daze. Her brows furrow, and she tries to push me away, but I don't budge. "You don't affect me in any way, Adam. I don't like you calling me mate. And I don't like-"

I silence her with a kiss. For someone who was just saying she didn't like me, she immediately leans into me, wrapping her hands around my neck. I hold her by her waist, pulling her flush against my body. She gasps, giving me a chance to deepen the kiss.

Kissing her like this seems to be what I needed to completely quell my anger.

When her hands begin to go down my arms, I pull away. She pants, trying to catch her breath.

I don't hide the smug smirk that makes its way to my lips. "Tell me you didn't feel anything."

She glares at me, but there's no heat behind the stare. "I hate you."

My smile widens. "I know, mate."

The corners of her mouth twitch.

Seeing her riled up sends blood flowing from the head on my neck, to the other head in the lower region of my body.

"And I did not feel anything from that kiss," she wipes her mouth, as if trying to make her words more believable. "Forget we've ever been together. I'll leave in a few days, and everything will go back to normal."

I now understand what she's afraid of; that she'd be leaving. She doesn't want a reason to stay, and I won't give her one.

I nod, my lips thinning. "Fine then. Good night, Miss Tammy."

I shove my hands in my pockets and walk away, her gaze burning into my back.

There's a nagging in my chest, and I can't help but wonder if things would remain like this till she leaves.