Chapter 78: CHAPTER SEVENTY-EIGHT

CYREL did not have the appetite for dinner. She spent her night on her bed, scribbling her feelings in her notebook while occasionally wiping her tears.

She was tired. She had been crying for the past few days after trying so hard to be strong. It was not easy. She was hurting, and she ended up hurting the people around her in the process.

She just wanted it to be over.

A tear fell on her notebook. She put her pen between the pages and closed it. She sighed in frustration as she harshly brushed another tear with the back of her hand.

She heard the door click. Cyrel quickly put the notebook on the nightstand and slipped under the quilt, pretending to be asleep. As she heard the door open and close and Ross’s footsteps, she felt her chest tighten.

How could she fall asleep in that case? She was sharing the bed with him, but he felt so distant. When she heard the shower flash in the bathroom, Cyrel got up.

She went to the kitchen. She found Malu. She was alone.

Malu noticed Cyrel at once. Concern flashed in her eyes when she stared at Cyrel’s face.

“What happened? Are you sick?” Malu asked.

Cyrel took a deep breath.

“Did you fight with Ross?”

“Can I call it a fight? He wasn’t even talking to me,” she said bitterly.

“Sit here. I’ll make your food. I’ll make this quick, hmm?”

Malu opened the huge refrigerator.

Cyrel sat quietly on the stool.

“I just needed someone to talk to right now. I feel like my head’s going to explode, Malu. I don’t know what to do anymore.”

“What was it this time?”

“I…” Cyrel sighed. “It just pains me to think that Ross had always been so supportive and considerate of me, yet I hurt him. I told him that we should take a break from each other.”

Malu paused and stared at her in disbelief.

“You’re breaking up with him?”

She shook her head.

“No, not break up with him. Not yet, at least.” She avoided Malu’s gaze. “As long as Ross and I are together, my family will not stop until I do something in their favor. I’m so tired of them trying to make me feel guilty for doing the right thing. I needed this break, Malu. Do you think I’m selfish for that?”

“And Ross didn’t understand.”

“He wants to go with me. And I refused because he had just started to make it up to his dad. He can’t leave him right now.”

Malu’s face softened.

“I can’t blame you. And that’s not selfish. But Ross’s feelings are valid. And I would hate to see you go, too. Everyone in this house loves you, Cyrel.”

Cyrel’s lips quivered.

“And why do you think it wasn’t easy making this decision?” she asked. “It’s because I love you, too. All of you. And if I go and Ross still wants me after that, I’ll come back. But if, in the process, he realizes what he really wants, I’ll accept it. Even if it means giving up his name because he wanted to give it to someone else.” Cyrel sniffled as pain sliced through her heart once again. No, it would be hard to accept. Who was she kidding? “I wish I would stop crying, Malu. I don’t think I have tears left anymore. I only end up hating myself.”

“No one should tell you how many tears you should shed. If you feel like crying because you have tears to cry, cry as much as you want. But don’t forget to rehydrate, of course.”

Cyrel giggled weakly.

“Yeah, that sounds fair.”

“If you’re really determined to go, go ahead. But come back sooner, please. I don’t want to forget your beautiful face.”

Cyrel bit her lip as she nodded.

“Thank you, Malu.”

Malu put the plate of tuna sandwiches in front of her. She rolled to Cyrel’s side and gave her a tight hug.

“You’re a good girl, Cyrel. Remember that. You deserve all the happiness in the world.”

WHEN Cyrel returned to their bedroom, Ross was already asleep. He was lying on his side.

She slowly walked up to him and studied his face through the dim light. She was used to seeing Ross’s face first thing in the morning and the last at nightfall. And to think that she would not be waking up and sleeping with Ross in the coming days was already killing her.

But she had to die in order to live.

Cyrel reached out a trembling hand to touch Ross’s face. No, she did not want to wake him up. She pulled her hand away and turned her back.

CYREL took a deep breath as she watched Ross fix his tie in front of the mirror. She had just returned after helping Malu in the kitchen.

Their gazes only locked for a second through the mirror. Ross’s face remained blank as he finished his tie.

“R-Ross,” she began and cleared her throat. “Remember what I told you about becoming strong on our own even if we’re not alone?”

“Will you do me a favor?” he asked as he turned to face her. “If you have made up your mind, just go and don’t say goodbye. You do not have to tell me when you’re leaving or where you’re going. I don’t want to make it hard for you. I don’t want to hold you back.” His tone was cold, and so was the look in his eyes.

Cyrel swallowed hard. She already missed his warm smile. But could she blame him?

“Yeah. Sure,” she replied in almost a whisper.

“And also,” he added, “you don’t have to apologize anymore.”

Ross faced the mirror once again. He untied and fixed his tie once again. But a few moments later, he pulled it impatiently and threw it on the bed. He walked past her and out of the room as Cyrel froze on the spot.

Cyrel could only stare at the door as tears blurred her eyes.