Chapter 25: Forgiven

"I think it would be nice if I'll be out first." Asher said and walking towards the door. He slowly slam it, and now only the five of us are here. It's like a deja vu but in a different place.

Parang nasa hot seat silang apat, habang ako naman iyong taga tanong sakanila.

"It's been awhile." I started.

It's been awhile since I last talk to them, I am not that cold to them back then. Now I am hoping that our conversation went well.

"Neah I don't know where to start." Chance speak up. Same as me, I don't know we're to start. I'm out of words to say.

Bumuntong hininga ako.

"Let me speak first," I glance at them.

Hindi sila nagsalita, bagkus tumango lang sila. I don't know where to start, I don't feel the same way like before now. Still I want to hear their explanations and reasons. Let's see what will happened next.

"You know how hurt it could be for me after you lied. I have many what ifs in my mind, what if I shouldn't treat Chance as my best friend, what if I refused to be Viena's room mate. What if I didn't met Eli in mortal world and treat her as a friend of mine, what if I didn't take for granted Enoch's kindness. Damn what if's guys," Reminist the moment they lied to me and now I am facing them again to hear their explanations.

"I told myself I shouldn't be affected on you, you're the one who betrayed me. Kaso hindi ko kaya tuwing makikita ko kayo bigla kong naalala ang kataksilang ginawa niyo. Napapaisip nga ako kung tinuring niyo ba talaga akong kaibigan or maybe you're just using me to make your plans go well." I feel my cheeks watered. Tangina naiyak ako sa harapan nila.

"Yung pagligtas sa'kin ni Chance noon, yung pakikipag kaibigan ni Eli sa'kin. Viena being my roommate and Enoch being kind. I can't disregard the fact that you're just using me, but you knew what I felt towards you guys? You're more than friends to me not a best friend but a sisters and brothers to me. Kaya ganon nalang ka sakit ng malaman kong traydor kayo," I didn't bother to wipe my tears. I want them to see how hurt I was when they betrayed me. I want them to see how vulnerable I am when it comes to friendship.

"It's been a weeks, many people told me that I should listen your explanations. Even the Goddess. It's been a weeks so I guess that's enough for me to think. I want to save our friendship and I hope I'll able to," Doon ko na pinahid ang mga luha ko.

"Huwag niyong isipin na nagalit ako sainyo, nilabas ko lang ang sama ng loob ko. Oo nagtampo siguro ako sainyo, kasi bakit hindi niyo sinabi sa'kin. We're friends right?" I muttered. Chance speak after me.

"May mga sikretong dapat hindi binubunyag Neah. We're sorry for that." Yumuko siya.

Ngumiti lang ako. "Ayos lang, I'll be called hypocrite if pipilitin ko kayong sabihin sa'kin lahat ng sikreto niyo. Kasi ako may sikreto din akong hindi sinasabi sainyo. That's why it was called secret," I said.

"Now are you guys ready to tell your reasons and explanations behind choosing to be a traitors in us." I asked.

Agad silang tumango. "We are Neah." Sabay nilang aniya.

"I am an Ordus," Chance started. I felt my feet trembling when I saw his eyes turned into red one, but it's back in his brownish colored immediately.

"I am one of them but I am not like them." He continue. Sinikap kong hindi kabahan, all this time yung tinuring kong best friend ay isa palang Ordus. I can't hate him, ito ang gusto ko diba? Ang malaman ang explanations at dahilan nila.

"Noong pinanganak ako dito ay agad akong dinala ni mama at papa sa mortal world. Namuhay kami nang mapayapa doon kasama ang kapatid ko. We live like a normal people but I can't disregard the fact that I am beyond normal. Kaya napagpasyahan nina mama at papa na i trained kami, sinabi nila sa'min ang totoo naming pagkatao. As a kid I am happy that I have a power, pero hindi ako kumbinsido dahil wala namang sign na may power ako, pati na rin ang kapatid ko." He paused. Nakatingin lang ako sakanya.

"My mom and dad are both Ordus. Ayaw ni mama at papa sa mga Ordus dahil sa kasamaan at kasakiman nila. Nakilala niya si papa at tinulungan siya nito. Balik tayo noong nga bata kami, did you remember Neah when I saved you on those people who bullied you?" He asked me, napatango ako. I clearly remember that time. Kailan ko ba iyon makakalimutan? Mukhang hindi eh. I answered "Yes." to him.

"Bigla kong naramdaman na parang ang init init kahit hindi naman mainit yung panahon. Kaya lumabas at nagpahangin ako, then there I saw you being bullied. Ang ginawa ko ay nilapitan ko ang mga batang nambully sa'yo at pinagdilatan sila ng mata. Bigla silang natakot, because they saw my eyes into red and my hand form into a fire. Nalaman ko iyon dahil pinatawag pala sina mama at papa noon. That's the time that we became friends until we became best friends until we're young,"

"Isang araw may mga Ordus na lumusob sa bahay namin, ang bilis ng pangyayari. Pinatay nila ang nga magulang ko ng walang kaawa-awa, I saw it in my two eyes. Nakita ko kung paano nila pinatay si mama at papa, nakita ko kung paano maligo sa sariling dugo an mga magulang ko. They tried to kill my sister too but they refused. They're using my sister against me, iyon ang dahilan ng pagiging traydor ko dahil kailangan kong iligtas ang katapid ko sa kamay ng mga demonyong iyon. Kapalit ng pagtra traydor ko sa inyo ang buhay ng kapatid ko. They're using an ace against me so I don't have a choice Neah." Nakita ko kung paano tumulo ang mga luha ni Chance sa mata niya.

Shit! Ang sakit pala ng pinagdaanan niya mula sa kamay ng mga hayop na iyon. Tapos ganon nalang kung sumbatan ko sila.

"Totoo lahat ng pinapakita at nararamdaman ko sa'yo noon Neah. I didn't used you, I treat you more than best friends Neah. I hope you'll forgive me for the mistake I cause and did to you." He wiped his tears using his hand.

Agad akong lumapit sa best friend ko at niyakap siya. Ramdam ko ang sakit na pinagdaanan niya sa mga iyon. Hindi ko alam kung kaya ko pa bang makinig sa tatlo. It's more like na napakas sakit din para sa kanila ang mga nangyari sa nakaraan.

I shouldn't judge them.

"Hindi ko alam kung paano ko mapapagaan ang loob mo Chance but always remember that I am a one called away friend Chance." I give him an assuring look.

"Neah," Napatingin ako kay Eli.

I think they have the same reason with Enoch.

"First, I want to say sorry for slapping you." Napayuko siya. No Eli I should be the one to felt sorry. I judge you guys without minding your explanations and reasons.

"You shouldn't be felt sorry." I murmured.

"Nadala lang ako sa emosyon ko Neah, you are not in our shoes so you're able to judge us easily. You aren't there when that time happens in our life," I know Eli, and I shouldn't tell those words towards you.

"Don't get me wrong, I didn't blame you Neah, but at least you did listen to us. Kaso nangyari na eh, at least now you did give us a chance to explain." Naintindihan ko.

"I know Eli, I know." I smiled at her.

"Like Chance napilitan din kami, they killed my father and they abducted my mom. Kung hindi kami susunod sakanila papatayin nila ang ina namin at bilang anak hindi namin iyon makakaya Neah. Tama na na pinatay nila si daddy pero iyong idamay iyong mommy namin? Tangina hindi namin makakaya!" I felt the pain she has right now. Nakita ko kung paano humagulhol si Eli sa harapan ko.

"Neah wala kaming nagawa noon, nasa school kami tapos pag-uwi namin, nakita namin ang nakahandusay na katawan ng ama namin. Ang note na nasa salamin ng bahay namin na mukhang dugo ng aming ama ang ginamit. It's creepy na hanggang ngayon ay hindi ko na gustong maalala." Gusto kong yakapin si Eli. Kaso hindi ako makagalaw sa kinatatayuan ko. Ang sakit ng dinanas nila sa kamay ng mga hayop na iyon.

"Neah tinuring kitang kaibigan nong nasa mortal world palang tayo. Ikaw lang ang kaisa-isa kong kaibigan doon, kaya huwag mong isipin na ginamit lang kita." Nakikita ko rin sa mga mata niya na nagsasabi siya ng totoo.

"Neah I'm sorry." Enoch muttered.

"I don't know how to make you okay guys, but don't hesitate to tell me if you've problems. I am a one call away." I don't know how to make the okay, but at least at my presence I can make them felt that they're not alone. That I can be their shoulder when they're needing me the most.

"Thank you Neah." Sabay akong niyakap ng magkatid. I hugged them back.

I saw Viena glance at me, kaya tumingin ako sakanya.

"Neah I'm very very sorry," akmang luluhod siya sa harapan ko pero pinigilan ko siya.

"No don't kneeled in front of me Viena. I am not a saint or whatsoever." I said to her.

"Neah let me, hindi ko alam kung paano mo ako mapapatawad." Nakita ko ang pagpatak ng mga butil na tubig na mukha niya. She's vulnerable when it comes to friendship just like me.

Viena

"No, hindi mo kailangang lumuhod Viena. Stand please." I beg at her. Ayaw ko ng sinasamba ng mga tao. I don't need that.

"I'm very sorry, I don't want to do this specially to you. Kasi alam kong masasaktan ka pero nakasalalay sa'kin ang buhay ng lola at pinsan ko," pinunasan niya ang luhang tumutulo sa mukha niya.

"Nakita ko kung paano nila saktanang lola ko dahil sa pagmamatigas ko noong una. Ang pinsan kong walang awa nilang hinalay, hindi sila nakuntento at ilang beses pa nila itong inulit. Hindi ko mapapatawad ang sarili ko ng dahil sa katigasan ko mangyari na naman ulit ang dinanas nila."

"Muntikan din nila akong halayin Neah dahil sa katigasan ng ulo ko, ayaw ko ng maalala ang pangyayaring iyon. Kung hindi dumating si Chance siguro na rape na ako ng mga iyon. Sila nalang ang meron ako Neah, kaya napilitan ako. Hindi ko man gustuhin pero kailangan, para ito sakanila. Para sa mga taong naging pamilya ko." This is the reason why she don't want to talk about Ordus.

Kasi ang sakit pala ng pinagdaanan niya, naaawa ako sa roommate ko. Bakit kailangang marananasan pa nila ang mga iyon. They don't deserve this kind of pain.

"Hindi ko pa alam na ikaw ang nagmamay-ari ng special power noon Neah. Alam mo ba na ikaw pa lang ang naging roommate ko, kaya gustong-gusto kitang maka close at maging kaibigan. Sobrang saya ko ng maramdaman kong tinuturing mo na akong kaibigan. Kaya nong malaman ko na ikaw pala ang nagmamay-ari ng special power sobrang nahirapan ako, hindi kita kayang ibigay sakanila." Talagang nanaig sakanila ang pagiging magkakaibigan namin.

They love me, and they treasured our friendship.

Niyakap ko si Viena, yakap na nagpaparamdam sakanya na may taong handang alalayan siya sa sitwasyong napakahirap.

"Always remember that I am here Vien, kaibigan mo ako at handa akong makinig at tumulong sa'yo. Don't hesitate to tell me." I pat her back.

Humiwalay ako ng yakap kay Viena at tumingin ako sakanilang apat. Nginitian ko sakanila. Iyong ngiti na palagi kong pinapakita sakanila noon.

"Sorry," I muttered.

"Sorry for not listening to your explanations and reasons. I didn't meant to hurt you by my words last time guys. Sorry kung ang taas ng pride ko, I am very sorry. Hindi ko alam kung paano ko mapapagaan ang mga loob niyo pagkatapos kong marinig ang mga dahilan niyo. Sinumbatan ko kayo, hindi ko kayo pinakinggan, inuna kong magalit kesa makinig sainyo," Nahihiya ako ngayon. Ang lakas ng loob kong manumbat sakanila ng hindi inaalam ang totoong dahilan.

"Yes you're right guys I am not in your shoes to judge, sobrang bobo ko ng mga panahon na iyon. I judge you easily without minding your reasons and that's absurd. Please forgive me, I am an hypocrite for judging you easily. Oo nagkamali kayo, pero ako din nagkamali ako sobrang laki ng pagkakamali ko dahil agad akong nanumbat. Pinatawad ko na kayo, sana patawarin niyo rin ako. I am very sorry." Lumapit ako sa kanilang apat. Uminit ang sulok ng mga mata ko, pero pinipigilan kong tumulo ang mga butil ng tubig na nanggagaling sa mga mata ko.

I slowly bend my knees but Chance stop me. "No Neah!" He shouted.

"Hindi mo kailangang lumuhod, pinatawad mo na kami at pinapatawad ka na rin namin. Forgive yourself too Neah, because like us were slowly forgiving ourselves too." Niyakap ko si Chance dahil sa sinabi niya.

I am thankful that I have a best friend like him. Lumapit sa'min ang tatlo st nagyakapan kami.

"Balik na tayo sa dati ha!" Sabi ni Eli.

"Balik na tayo sa dati." I said in assuring tone.

I learned a lesson in this heart to heart talk that we shouldn't judge other's without knowing their own point of view. We are not in their shoes, we don't know how hurt it could be for them. All of us have reasons while doing the things that we shouldn't.

I forgive them and they're now forgiven.

I am forgiven because they forgive me.

I will only say this once.

If you want to be forgiven, forgive first.