Chapter 66

Julie was sitting up in bed. Her hair was brushed and she was wearing a clean, white hospital gown.

Luc thought she looked beautiful.

“Hello.” He stopped in the doorway.

She held out a hand.

“I’ve been trying to reach you. Your cell isn’t working.”

“Guess I forgot to charge it. I’ve had a few things on my mind.”

“Mark and a policeman were just here. He says Clarice is dead, that she tried to—”

“Damn. I hope he broke it to you gently.” He caught her hand. “It was a terrible, terrible accident, Julie.”

“That poor, deluded woman.” Her words, that should have been ironic, sounded sincere.

That surprised Luc, considering how vicious Clarice had been to Julie. He was too busy thanking God she wasn’t asking him if he’d pushed Clarice down the stairs to question that, however.

“What about the baby?”

“We’ll have to wait and see.”

His words sounded brusque but that was the only way Luc could keep from showing how he felt about the infant no one seemed to want…while being again grateful to God that his own child was all right. My own child? Michel-Clair may be mine, too. How fair is that? That I love one but nobody, not even I, wants the other.

“He’s premature, so he’s in critical condition right now. Michel wants DNA tests done.”

She gave him a startled look.

“I agreed, but that’ll come later, if the baby lives.”

Her fingers tightened around his. He knew she was thinking of Gabriel and how they might’ve lost him, too.

“Julie, I’ve something to tell you. I was going to wait but now, with all this…” He avoided her gaze a moment, then blurted out, “I’m going back to Dallas.”

“That’s what I want, too,” she agreed, not understanding. “Though I won’t be able to travel for a while. As soon as I’m able, the children and I’ll join you.”

“I’m going to Dallas alone, Julie. You and the kids are staying here. At San Souci.”

“You’re leaving me?” The reproach in her eyes made him want to cry. “I tell you I won’t leave you, so you turn the tables and leave me? Is that it?”

She looked away.

“You said you love me.”

It was an accusation.

“I do love you, and I always will. Don’t ever doubt that.” He squeezed her hands so she’d look back at him. “Do you remember what I said our first night together? About gossamer?”

“What’s that have to do with anything?”

“It has to do with everything. You’ve bound my heart, Julie, wrapped tight. Forever. So don’t believe I’m abandoning you, or that you’ve done anything wrong. It’s not you, it’s me.”

He laughed slightly, hearing the irony in those words.

“I know that’s a cliché and the standard catch-all excuse, but… I’ve got to get away from here. Away from all the memories. Away from this.” He waved a hand vaguely at the door and everything outside it. “I’m almost thirty years old, but I have the emotional disposition of a six-year-old. A very obnoxious six-year-old. So…”

He gave a shaky laugh.

“I’m now going to prove it by running run away from home.”

“And it definitely does,” she retorted.

“And while I’m at it, I’m going to grow up, and get professional help because I need it. I’m going to learn to control my temper, and when I come back, I’ll be the best damned husband a woman could want and the most loving father a child could wish for.”

“When is this miraculous transformation start taking place?” She attempted to sound as if she didn’t care, then spoiled it by asking, tearfully, “When will you be going?”

If she starts crying, I’ll cancel the whole thing, chuck all my plans. I’ll stay…

“As soon as you and Gran’père are home. After Clarice’s funeral.”

Will Michel want me there? Would that be hypocrisy?

“If you’re going through counseling… From all I’ve heard, you’ll need your family. For encouragement.” She was trying to sound practical, unknowingly echoing Mark’s argument.

“Not this time,” he answered, firmly. “I have to do it alone. You can see that, can’t you? No one to fall back on with ready-made excuses. No one to blame but myself. It’s my fight and for once, I’m the one who has to fight it.”

Releasing her hands, he stood and walked over to the window.

He could see into the west parking lot. It was remarkably empty for this time of day. The trees planted in the medians were stark and bare, their leafless branches swaying in the December wind. The sky was turning gray. A winter storm was coming in.

“Don’t think this is easy for me, Julie. I’ll be gone during the most important time of my son’s life. I’m going to be cheating myself of some precious memories, but later, it’ll make Gabriel know he has a father who loves him.”

Shaking her head, she held out her hand. Luc walked back to the bed.

“Please tell me I’m doing the right thing.”

One word. That’s all it would take to make him forget his plan and stay with her, but it would be the wrong word.

“You are,” she whispered, her eyes bright and damp. “You said it yourself.”

“Then why don’t I feel like it?”

He caught her hands, kissing her fingers.

“I wonder if Lucifer felt this way when he turned his back on Heaven,” Luc muttered.

“Lucifer knew he’d never go back again,” Julie told him. “But this Lucifer will. You’re coming back, Luc Deveraux. To me and Merry and Gabriel.”

Luc leaned forward and kissed her.

In the warmth of Julie’s lips, he felt the promise of a new life, where the happiness he’d long sought would be the one constant…and his only goal.

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