Chapter 58: She hates it

*Nick*

It is an odd thing to find myself at a ball, not flirting with young single she-wolves, not making matronly ones blush, not arranging trysts in the garden although I have thought numerous times about slipping Julia out for a rendezvous among the roses.

I dance with her because it is my favorite thing to do at a ball, dance with Minerva out of politeness and curiosity. She seems to have no suspicions regarding my true identity. I listen to a couple of lords debating some political question; I speak to one lord about the changes in agriculture. I introduce a young swell to an even younger Luna, which leaves me feeling as though I am matchmaking. Strangely, I enjoy it all. I don’t miss the marriageable women batting their eyelashes and fans at me. I don’t miss the flirtation or sneaking out for a forbidden encounter behind an ivy-covered trellis.

I am content in my new role of Alpha and mate.

But that doesn’t mean I am completely satisfied with the activities in the ballroom. I am in need of a drink and a hand at cards. Just one.

*Julia*

After Ashe leaves me, I skirt the edge of the ballroom, greets one person, then another, avoids lingering. I can’t quite settle in. Recalling my earlier thoughts regarding refreshments and the benefits of champagne, I decide a trip to the refreshment room is in order. I am halfway there when the Alpha of Lovingpaw approaches me. “My Alpha.”

“Luna Greystorm, I understand congratulations are in order. I spoke with your husband earlier. One would think he thought he was the only man to ever have a daughter.” He says warmly.

I smile. Nick couldn’t love Noa more if he had fathered her. His feelings toward her are honest and true. “He is rather fond of little Noella.”

“Can’t say I blame him. Daughters tend to wrap themselves around our hearts so easily. I mentioned to Greystorm a bill I’m working on that is designed to better protect infants. He made some rather good observations, and I have the impression he is willing to work on it with me. Perhaps sometime soon we could get together for dinner. I won’t talk politics during the meal, but I’m not adverse to getting a man’s opinion over port.”

Nick told me things had gone well in Parliament but he didn’t share any specifics. For him to be working on a bill with one of the most powerful men in the country is certainly worth mentioning, would elevate his status and good opinion among our peers. Not that the Alpha of Greystorm requires any elevating, but after listening to those silly she-wolves earlier, I want him to stand out on his own, to stand apart from the title, even though no one would realize he is Nick. I feel as though I am spinning in circles, that I can’t quite grasp what is and what should be.

What I do become incredibly aware of, however, is that he is waiting for an acknowledgment to his earlier comment. One does not require Alphas to wait while they sort out their thoughts. “We would be most delighted to dine with you and your Luna.”

“You will no doubt receive an invitation in the next few days. Protecting children is a passion of ours. I’m looking forward to working with Greystorm. Through our combined efforts, I have no doubt we can make an incredible difference. Please forgive my rudeness in not immediately offering my condolences on the death of Beta Nick. The loss of one so young is always a tragedy.”

“Thank you, My Alpha. I appreciate your kindness.”

“Now if you will excuse me, I must find my mate. I believe her next dance belongs to me.”

As he walks away, I can’t help but think that it will be Nick helping him to make an incredible difference, but he will receive no credit for it because people think he is in a grave. He has settled for a life of never being recognized, in order to have me as his mate.

As much as I wish it so, as easy as it had been to live this life while we were in residence in the country, here I am finding it extremely difficult to hold onto the illusion that I am his Luna. Here there are constant reminders that I alone might be the only person who knows the true worth of the present Alpha of Greystorm. One of the few who knows that the seventh Alpha has died and the eighth actually now holds the title.

In the refreshment room, a table is spread out with an assortment of dishes, yet none of the offerings appeal to me. The champagne doesn’t satisfy as it once did. As soon as we return home, I will have a brandy. I stand by the window looking for a moment of quiet reflection, instead seeing my own reflection in the glass, not certain I even recognize myself any longer, when Luna Newcomb arrives in a swath of pink taffeta and the cloying fragrance of lavender left too long in a bottle.

“Luna Greystorm, I’m so glad to see you came to Blackrock city for the mating Season. What with Beta Nick passing and all I wasn’t certain if you would make your way here. An accident out in the wilds, wasn’t it?”

I would wager my monthly allowance that the she-wolf knows exactly how he died, but Luna Newcomb tends to fancy her own cleverness at saying one thing while conveying something else. Simple condolences are all that are required, not dredging up the unfortunate circumstances of one’s death. “Yes, unfortunately, untamed beasts are not to be trusted.”

“Ever so glad it wasn’t Greystorm.”

“I would have preferred it not be either brother.”

“Of course, of course, but you must be thanking your lucky stars that it wasn’t your mate. I daresay that man is an absolute godsend to the she-wolf population, the most upstanding of those hellions, setting an example for them. How fortunate you were to snag him.”

Only it had been my mate, and I have to stand here and talk with this she-wolf as though it hadn’t been. “I’ve always considered myself blessed.”

“I know one isn’t supposed to speak ill of the dead, but if one of the brothers had to go, the right one did.”

Her words are a punch to the gut. I can barely draw in a breath. I want to shake the she-wolf. “Why would you say such a horrid thing?”

“My dear, I’m merely speaking what so many are thinking. I daresay many a mama is quite relieved that she doesn’t have to keep quite as close an eye on her daughter this mating Season. It was only a matter of time before he ruined one of them.”

“Nick didn’t take advantage of proper she-wolves, so I don’t see how he could have ruined one. But if he did give in to temptation, he would have done right by her.”

“Oh, I don’t think so. He was all about the chase, not the capture. I dealt with many a such scoundrel in my youth.”

“You’re mistaken. He was a good, honorable man.”

Luna Newcomb shakes her head, her jowls quivering. “Well, the argument can hardly be proven one way or the other now. He was a man who failed to leave a mark. A sad state of affairs was his life. Even his obituary said so. If you will excuse me.”

It is all I can do not to stick out my foot and trip the beastly she-wolf. How dare Luna Newcomb assume to know Nick at all! How dare the she-wolves be gossiping so unkindly about him? I hate it, hate what people say, thinking that circumstances are different than they are, thinking they are talking about a dead brother when they are, in fact, talking about one who is very much alive.

Fresh air. I require fresh air. Opening the doors to the terrace, I step out, walk to the railing, and close my gloved hands around it. I draw in a deep breath, striving to clear my mind of all the unkind thoughts that have been voiced tonight. I have an insane need to recall the words of his obituary. I had barely given it a passing glance. What was the wording?

Failed to accomplish anything of note…

Why do those who write obituaries feel compelled to point out perceived shortcomings? I recall a notable poet’s obituary a few years back mentioning that the world would have been better served if the man had never taken pen to paper. They try to be so damned clever. And they are wrong.

I have enjoyed the poet’s works. And Nick has not failed to accomplish anything of note. He has traveled the world, scaled mountains, explored remote regions. He has led expeditions, seen things, experienced things that few people do. He has shared his adventures, entertaining people with his tales. He has separated himself from his brother in order to ensure that he does not interfere with the relationship that exists between myself and Noah. He’s been a loving brother, and in retrospect a loving brother-by-marriage, even if he has gone about his endeavors in a rather unfortunate way, with drinking, carousing, obnoxiousness. But his intentions have been well-intentioned.

At great cost to himself, Nick has honored a vow he made to his brother. He has helped me bring my daughter into the world. He is caring for that child with all the love her father would have given her. He is going to work with a Alpha to bring about changes in the law. That is only the beginning of what he might accomplish. Who knows how far he might go as Noah, the Alpha of Greystorm?

It isn’t right. It isn’t fair. And I know with every fiber of my being that we have made a terrible mistake.