Chapter 54: 54__Confessions

There was something incredibly gratifying about being wrapped in his arms with the pouring rain outside.

It was affecting the part of her that had nothing to do with sexual arousal. The dangerous part. The part Erin had to stay away from entirely unless she wanted to end up with her heart in pieces.

Her heart rate doubled making him smile. “Oh, relax. I just wanna hold you cause you’re cold. Your mom will kill me if you get sick.” He wouldn’t let himself even kiss her. The way things were right now and how tense they both were, the sexual tension would crush any resistance they had left and they wouldn’t be able to stop. The last thing he wanted was to wake up to a regretful Erin who wanted to undo every second they’d spent together. Braden didn’t think his self-esteem could take another blow.

“Okay…” Erin slowly felt herself relax in his arms, the butterflies in her stomach calming down a little.

He sighed and pulled her flush against his body. The butterflies lost their minds, rattling against the walls of her stomach as Erin held her breath.

“Braden, I’m… I’m warm now.” He had to let go before she forgot about all the risks they were taking.

Braden only allowed her an inch of space so he could meet her gaze but kept her in his arms.

She was staring at his chin like looking into his eyes would detonate a bomb. “You still feel a little cold.”

Her gaze darted to his and then away. “No, I’m good. Warm, comfy…”

“I don’t see why you’d leave the house with no coat on, but again, you getting a cold might let me win the island.”

He smiled maliciously and she gave him an empty smile. “Oh, how you care about me, I’m so touched.”

The dry sarcasm only heightened his amusement. “Yes, you’re welcome.” His fingers brushed back the loose strands at her temple. “Isn’t it nice when I care for you?”

His casual words gave her heart a jolt, but she successfully masked it. “No. It’s terrifying.”

“Terrifying? Really? Isn’t it better than… before?”

She scoffed. “Of course, it is! Anything’s better than before. I lived my life actively fighting the urge to stuff you in a box and ship you to Antarctica.”

Her humour didn’t seem to make his face light up the way she’d recently gotten addicted to seeing. Instead, his gaze lowered and his thumb stopped stroking her hair.

“I was… that bad, huh?”

Erin blinked. “Hm?”

Braden looked at her. “I’m talking about back then. Growing up, was I really that insufferable?”

He suddenly seemed quite serious and Erin found herself momentarily stumped. She hadn’t expected the conversation to take such a heavy turn. Smiling, she shrugged. “You weren’t an angel, let’s say. Up until a year ago, I would have gladly throttled you.”

She was making light of it. He wouldn’t be able to completely express everything he felt if she kept skirting around it so Braden decided to be a bit more direct. “Can I ask you something?”

“What?”

He paused for a moment, the sound of rain filling the silence. He looked at her then, lips pursed in determination. “What is… what’s the worst thing I’ve ever done or said to you?”

Blinking at that question, Erin raised her brows. “The worst thing…? Why are you asking that?”

“I’m sorry for asking, but please give me an answer. I feel a little out of touch with reality, maybe hearing just how bad I was will properly put things into perspective.”

With a soft hum, she pulled away from him.

The separation nearly gave Braden another slash of rejection, but then she simply sat up beside him, crossing her legs.

Following her cue, he also sat up, watching as she stared into space.

“I think…” Erin murmured, touching the index finger of her left hand like she would start counting.

Braden wasn’t wrong.

“Letting the whole school find out my mother used to be your family’s maid,” Erin said. She lowered one finger at a time. “Making the driver leave me at school the one time I had detention (which was because of your friends). It was a rainy day and I got soaked waiting for Stephanie to pick me up.” Braden winced but she wasn’t done. “There was the time you guys tricked me into going to the boy’s locker room and the principal phoned my mother to tell her I was being inappropriate at school, the other kids also started saying I was a pervert trying to see boys’ willies.”

Braden was so tense it felt like his back would shatter. He’d only asked for one thing. She was listing multiple. His ears turned pink.

“Of course,” Erin went on. “Can’t forget the time you let Jace lock me out on the roof of the art building, it was winter and Noah had taken my coat. If Jackson hadn’t found me, I’d have probably died of hypothermia!”

Braden looked shocked. He hadn’t told them to do that. Those bastards, he’d kill them.

“There was the time you told Prof. Nicholson, that witch, that I punched Jace on purpose and I got punished on the first day of our senior year!” She scoffed loudly, getting heated up by the memories.

“Erin—”

“I’m not finished!” Braden closed his mouth. “Like that wasn’t enough, you decided to bother me while I was serving my damn sentence and then—” She released a slow exhale, staring at him with an intensity he couldn’t pinpoint the source of. “You stole my first kiss like it belonged to you.”

His eyes widened, his lips parting in shock. “That was… your first kiss?”

“And you stole it! That’s probably one of the worst things you did to me, I wanted my first kiss to be with a dashing senior in my first varsity year, but you stole it! Give it back!”

She shoved her palm in front of his face and Braden blinked, looking down at her hand. “I’m… sorry?” No, he wasn’t. His shameless heart had the effrontery to be dancing about in his chest.

Scoffing, Erin continued counting. “And then there was—”

“Okay, Erin, wait.” He sighed. “Clearly, I’ve been the shittiest asshole you’ve ever met, I have no excuses.”

She smiled and nodded.

He grimaced at her cheerful agreement. “However… I asked for the worst thing. I know these things are all fucked up and really show what a rude prick I was, but I’d like to know what hurt you the most. I want to know how impossible it is for us to happen…”

She grew quiet, looking at him. When she lowered her gaze, he knew she wasn’t just thinking about it, she already knew what it was. Anxiously, he watched her, waiting.

She looked at him and smiled, but it was a little sad. “The worst thing?” She slowly nodded. ‘That would probably be… first, the comments about me and my mother being poor and then… that day you made me hear Trent Staley say he wanted to use me for sex.”

Braden’s heart rammed against his ribcage. Slowly his gaze lowered, his throat growing dry as his pulse pounded in his ears.

“That day was horrible,” she said softly. A quiet scoff parted her curving lips. “I was… very embarrassed. Me and Phoebe, in our silly girly brains, had been talking about double dating Trent and his friend. I was already working up a crush and then you crushed it. Excuse the pun. I think what made it worse was that it was in front of our friends. Yup. When you were moving out, I confronted you about it but you didn’t care. Apparently, you’d done me a favour.”

Her tone was light, but that didn’t do anything to soften the harsh reality of what she was saying. She’d been truly hurt and he’d done that to her. The other stuff might have just pissed her off, at best, but this…

He couldn’t look at her, his jaw clenching in anger. Anger against oneself was the hardest to express. It wasn’t like he could beat himself to a pulp the way he so desperately wanted to. A time machine would come in handy.

“Erin…” His eyes slowly rose and looked at her. “I’m sorry. I am so sorry, God, I…”

He shook his head like the words did not have a meaning deep enough to express his sentiments. “I was fucked up…”

She smiled sadly. “It’s okay.”

“It’s not okay! Don’t downplay it. I wish I could undo it, I… it makes me sick! What the fuck was I thinking?!”

He was getting worked up, so she quickly grasped his hands in hers. “Braden, it’s fine, really. We were all kids and we were dumb.” He shook his head and she tightened her grip on his hand. “Seriously! You were probably trying to show me what an ass Trent was, saved me the pain of finding out myself, really.”

“I wish. I didn’t have a single braincell that made me realize I was saving you from him,” he muttered. “I did it because I was jealous. I obviously knew the kind of shit Trent Stanley did, that’s why I knew the phone call would successfully break you away from him, but it didn’t do it because I had your best interests at heart or any other humane shit. I did it cause I was a jealous piece of shit and I didn’t want Trent to have you.”

“Okay…” She looked deeply confused. “Why the hell would you have been jealous of…”

“Isn’t it obvious?” he murmured. “I liked you, Erin. I was too dumb to know it then. It drove me nuts when Trent flirted with you, I even got jealous of Jackson because you were his best friend. I was a jealous little prick!”

She blinked. “You… you had a crush on me?”

Braden went from looking pissed to looking inconsolably remorseful and dragged her against him for a tight hug. “I’m sorry, Erin. I’m sorry, I won’t do it again.”

Erin’s arms were wrapped around him but her mouth was still hanging open in shock. “You had a crush on me?!”

“Can you focus? I’m trying to tell you how sorry I am. I’m sorry my issues fucked me up so bad I thought it was okay to take it out on you. You didn’t deserve that. I deserved every single punch you ever gave me, every bite—”

She laughed at the 'bite' part and Braden frowned. “You’re not taking me seriously.”

“I am!” Erin said. She was smiling this wide because she had zero grudges against Braden. She’d gotten of every grudge each time she secretly got back at him for his behaviour. The fact that he was now respectful towards her mother also helped a lot. “Okay, since we’re apologizing… I’m sorry too.”

He pulled back and frowned up at her. “What? What for?”

Erin smiled innocently. “You remember in sixth grade? When all the kids in class thought you had cooties?”

His expression went flat. “Yeah…?” She pressed her lips together. Braden gasped. “Erin!”

“You told them I was a servant in your house so I said ‘Yeah, that’s how I know he has cooties’! It was my vengeance!”

She was smiling so he failed to even get mad, only staring up at her in open-mouthed shock. “Okay, well… I—” She started laughing and he trailed off, smiling at her in defeat. “It’s not funny.”

“Of course, it is!” she laughed. “You didn’t even know about the rumours and scratched your head at recess. Made all the kids believe me more!”

She grabbed handfuls of his hoodie, shaking him as she laughed.

Braden was in disbelief but, still, the smile wouldn’t leave his face.

“But that’s not all,” Erin said.

“There’s more?!”

She nodded, already holding back laugher. “That one time in high school when you and your friends left your stuff unsupervised? You left your blazer on the stands at the football field…”

His eyes narrowed. “I hope you’re not talking about the day I was pestered by flies and bees all day—”

“I splashed expired apple juice on your blazer,” she confessed, her voice weak from laughter. “The sun dried it before you got back but the flies could still smell it from miles away!”

There were tears filling her eyes as she laughed and Braden just sat there, watching her.

“Erin, I swear…” She laughed uncontrollably and he had to catch her wrist so she’d stop slapping his shoulder. “You’re an evil mastermind. I demand an apology. I was so sorry for everything I did, meanwhile…”

She sighed in contentment, lying on the bed as her laughter died away. “There was so much more I did that you have no idea about. Growing up was fun. Some days, it was hell. We’ve both insulted each other, we hurt each other, I bit you a few times. A lot of us were messed up and childish and petty but… that’s the beauty of growing up.” She looked at him and her smile widened. “We change for the better. That’s all that matters to me. And forgiving each other is easy, but we should forgive ourselves too.”

"You don't seem very sorry."

"I'm not!" She covered her mouth, laughing.

He laughed with her, shaking his head.

Sitting there, staring down at her beautiful face, Braden felt the anxiety he’d been carrying around get gently put to rest by her calm reassurance.

He reached for her hand and she took his, holding it.

It wasn’t the first time she was doing this, this act of successfully sorting out the complicated feelings in his heart. It was like magic.

How had Erin developed the ability to give him peace?

There was a lingering suspicion in his gut that perhaps he’d underestimated the depth of his feelings for her, but Braden very carefully avoided exploring that suspicion. He didn’t have the energy to climb out of denial right now. That was vulnerability he wasn’t sure he could afford to reveal.

Leaning forward, he pressed his lips to her forehead in a gentle kiss.

When he looked at her, she was smiling.

“What?”

Her eyes sparkled with mischief. “So, in conclusion, you nearly kissed me in the car that day because you had a crush on me.”

He spun away. “Good night, Erin.”

Closing his eyes, Braden smiled at the sound of her laughter behind him, his smile growing when her arms wrapped around him.

The next morning, Braden woke up to the startling sound of Erin screaming.

Jumping out of bed, he looked around sleepily, his fluffy hair bouncing about. The room was empty, the scream had come from outside.

He raced across the room and burst out of the room, running towards the sound of her voice.

When Braden found Erin, he came to a sharp halt right behind her, standing in the doorway of another bedroom.

He was awake enough to know that Erin was unhurt, but still sleepy enough to wonder why she was screaming.

He didn’t know exactly what had happened but…

Braden looked over Erin’s shoulder.

Perhaps it had something to do with Jackson Pierce and Phoebe Lee being naked in a bed together.