Chapter 23: Frozen

I've never felt this frozen before.

There are a million little unformed thoughts running inside my head, but I cannot single out any.

Is she lying? Is she really my mother? And how?!

The woman notices my distress, so she speaks. "I should've guessed Patrick never told you the truth."

"My mother is dead," was all I managed to utter.

She smiles mirthfully. "I guess you are right in a way. I did die. I just didn't stop existing..."

I swallow hard. She is lying. "So, what are you saying? I know you couldn't turn! A vampire's bite kills werewolves, it doesn't turn them into one!"

She nods. "I wasn't bitten," she says simply. "Lily... if you want to know my story, I have to tell it from the beginning."

I stare at the seemingly unaggressive vampire and shrug. "It's not like I don't have the time to hear it."

The woman takes a seat opposite of me, at a safe distance. "When Patrick and I joined in a ceremony, we were... very much in love." I notice a small smile playing on her lips, but she doesn't let it form fully. "You see, neither he nor I had mates. But we were very fond of each other. And it was enough. More than enough," her eyes met mine. "For a few years."

I listened intently. I feel like I know what is coming next.

Her eyes wandered away and her focus focused on a branch on the ground. "But then she appeared. Valerie. A beautiful girl from the city, who came to our habitat only to spend her summer vacation," she scoffs and focuses on me again. "She wasn't even a werewolf.... But one thing she was. Your father's mate."

My throat stiffens. I suddenly realized the woman, my mother, was telling the truth.

"We...fought so much. I couldn't bear to see him looking at her lustfully, passionately, lovingly even, without never having spoken a word with her. But, he knew. He knew right away," she shifts on her cut tree, "And so did I."

"I remember the fights you had," I whispered uncertainly, memories slowly coming to the surface. "At first... you were the one angry... and then... it was him. Did he want you to leave so he could be with her?"

My mother shuts her eyes and quickly shakes her head. "Your father is not that way," she smiles fondly at his memory, "he would never leave me. He swore. And I knew he meant it."

I try to imagine myself constraining myself to be away from Darius. It would be close to impossible. "But he couldn't stay away, could he?"

My mother's eyes fill with water. "He tried his best, I know," she says with a strained voice, "but it is I who couldn't stand seeing him so...utterly unhappy by my side. A man whom I'd given everything...who loved me to pieces...suddenly just stopped. For no other reason than the Moon Goddess bestowed him on a mate of his own."

A tear goes down her cheek now and she continues. "In a meaningless second, when Valerie stood before us, everything we had fell apart. And I was so angry, Lily."

I feel like she is trying to justify herself for something that is coming. "I understand," I encourage her to go on. "I know exactly how it goes when these things happen."

She narrows her eyes in curiosity. "Why, that is right," her lips curl. "You have found yourself a mate of your own. None other than Alpha Darius Carter..."

I swallowed hard, unwilling to delve into my problems before I'd heard her story. "Yes, that's why I will not judge you for whatever it is you did," I nodded. "Please finish your story."

She laughs. "Don't make promises you can't keep," she arches an eyebrow. "Your father made that mistake, too. Well, actually what he promised was that he wouldn't leave me. Technically, he never swore he wouldn't touch her. Which he did, of course," she scoffs. "And silly little Valerie was not bothered that Patrick was a married man with three children of his own. No... she just... willingly participated in the affair that destroyed our marriage... and she thought she would face no consequences... when all I wanted was for her to go away and for us to be happy again."

Suddenly a shocking thought goes through my mind. "You killed her," I say. "That's why I've never heard of her, that's why...father is still single up to this day..."

"Don't be silly," she cuts me off. "I wanted your father to love me again. Do you think he could love a person who ended the life of his mate?" I realize she's right. She continues. "Besides...I couldn't have murdered an innocent human girl and got away with it. No," her eyes wander away. "When one wants to commit a crime of such lengths...one has to be smart about it," she purses her lips. "And I thought I was being smart. If there wasn't an unlucky twist of fate... I could've gotten away with it."

"What did you do?" I insisted. I can't wait to hear the end of this story anymore.

She takes a deep breath. "When Patrick admitted to having cheated on me, I- didn't take it well," she stands up, unable to sit still as haunting memories consume her.

"I decided to have my revenge, to hurt him as much as I could without hurting my children in the process. And I knew he'd feel the most pain if Valeria died. But I wasn't willing to risk my freedom, of course," she rubs her hands, "so I devised a plan."

"A plan where I wouldn't be seen as a possible suspect." She is still in one place now and pierces my eyes with hers. "You see, when you want to cause someone harm and put the blame on someone else...there has to be a plausible motive behind your scapegoat. And the thing with your father was...he had no enemies. So I had no other choice... I resolved to be the common enemy of all werewolves. A vampire."

My mother scares me. Being angry at my father, I really wanted to like her, but this story doesn't feel like it's going in a good direction. "You told a vampire to kill Valeria?"

She nods. "But no one told me I shouldn't make deals with the devil."

I took a heavy breath. "What happened?"

"The vampire I approached was called Lavron. He was sort of a leader of his group. I knew him from before, because he was a human living close to our habitat. He was turned into a vampire by a bite that happened only recently back then. What I hadn't known... was that he knew Patrick as well. Your father and his pack defeated his group of vampires, weakening his power by a large number. That's why he was willing to help me."

I frowned. "But how didn't you suspect there was a hidden agenda behind his help? I mean, it's not like a vampire will simply lend a hand to a werewolf? Even if it means food for them, they're still putting themselves in danger..."

She laughs sadly, almost as if laughing at herself. "The reason I didn't suspect it, Lily, is because he had already asked for something in return."

I narrowed my eyes. "What?"

She looks down at herself. "My body. It didn't come as a surprise, though. He used to be in love with me when he was still human..."

"That's how you knew he'd help you."

She shuts her eyes again. "He did kill Valeria. And no one suspected someone was behind it. It seemed like a casual case of a vampire murder. Then Lavron came to claim his reward to keep his mouth shut," she twists her lips. "When I sold my body to him, I didn't know I was able to get pregnant with a vampire. But... I did."

My hands ran to my mouth. "Oh my God..." my stillborn sibling... Everything falls into place now.

"You know the rest of the story," she shrugs. "When I gave birth to that child...it was dead, of course. Because his werewolf was half poisoned by the vampire's venom. And...he turned me into a vampire in the process," she scoffs. "When I turned, your father knew then and there... that I was the one behind Valeria's murder."

"Of course..." I whispered. "That's why he was so angry..." the memory of that day has become clear in front of my eyes now. And the reason why the vampire woman, my mother, called for me to join her in the woods. The reasons my dad didn't want me to go alone.... he feared this woman would kill me. But... is he right? How far is she willing to go for revenge?

I stare at her with caution, ready to shift the second she attacks.

But all she does is continue her story.

"He told me to run and never look back. I begged him to kill me... Instead, he condemned me to a life of hiding in the trees, watching my children only from afar..."

This woman seems hurt. She doesn't want to hurt me.

"I'm so angry right now," I whispered.

"I'm sorry."

"Not at you," I said. "At Dad." He acted... just like Darius does - like he knows better. Entitled to make choices for me. And he just kept my Mother from me all these years. Scaring me with the woods. I know what he'd say if I challenged him.

'I did it for you, Lila. I thought she would hurt you.'

Of course he'd say that. But he was wrong. And what now? I should just forgive him and apologize for being right - for going behind his back because I knew better?

Fuck that. That isn't right.

"I know you must hate me, Lila. I hate myself, for crying out loud! But... I couldn't leave this world... without telling my story to one of my children at least. And... asking for your understanding..." her eyes filled with tears again. "Do you? Do you understand me, Lila?" She almost begged.

I swallow hard. I know exactly what to say. I am a psychologist for crying out loud!

"Better than that," I smiled subtly. "I forgive you."

A single long drop of tear sheds from each of her eyes. "What is happening now?" she looks in front of her. "What will you do?"

"I don't know," I shook my head, an uninvited smile stretching my lips. "And that's the beauty of it," I looked at her. "I have a choice. We're free. We both are."