Chapter 24: Beyond Sex

Silvia Point of View

I was surprised but happy at Gerard's change of heart. Not only did he want to keep seeing me, but he seemed to want to see how far things would go, beyond a sexual relationship. It's not like we were meant to be happy forever, because I knew that part hadn't changed for him, and of course I had my own goals I wanted to achieve.

Before, when we met up, we would be in bed or wherever having sex within minutes of arriving, but now we would have dinner or talk, and even after sex, we would talk a little more. Sometimes we even spent the night. Waking up in Gerard's arms was the most wonderful thing in the world.

Although he had talked about the possibility of us going out in public and acting like a formal couple, in the end we both agreed that it might not be a good idea, especially after the gossip that had come out about us. I still didn't want to be seen as a woman getting ahead by dating a multimillionaire. And Gerard did not want his name to appear in gossip related to his relationship life. In fact, he seemed to have a real phobia of appearing in the media. He was curious to know where that came from, but he had never been brave enough to ask. We talked a lot about various things, but nothing that was too deep. In a way, I wish I could ask him about his strongest fears or his biggest dreams, but, even though he had let me in a little, the walls were still there. I didn't expect to be able to get past them, and that meant that, although I was happy with the state of our relationship, I had to be careful because, at some point, it would end.

A week after Gerard revealed his interest in continuing to see me, I arrived at work ready to put the finishing touches on the graphic material for the European campaign. On my table there was an envelope with my name on it and, out of curiosity, I opened it. I took out the magazine in which they had interviewed me.

Vertigo surged inside me. I knew for a fact that this article would not only add to the salacious gossip that had come out a few weeks ago, but would completely put an end to the idea that the only reason I had a gallery show was because I was fucking Gerard. It would prove that I was an artist out of pity.

I looked up my profile in the index. Page sixty-seven. I flipped through the magazine until I got to the correct page and then spread it on my desk reading the title Silvia Kennedy's artistic career was built thanks to the Hush Foundation.

I began reading eagerly, anticipating how they had woven my words and my art into the article. The first paragraph made me think. Although she complemented my work, there was an underlying tone that suggested she was not up to the task of being a viable artist.

As I read, things got worse. The article became a cautionary tale about the influence of great fortunes on art and suggested that my success was due solely to Gerard. And, like the gossip from several weeks ago, it implied that the exhibition of my art was more because Gerard had pleased me than because I had discovered a new talent. The article even talked about other artists that he had helped launch and who were better than me, implying that he had made the decision to exhibit my work simply because he and I were sleeping.

Unable to read any further, I looked at the photos, hoping there would be examples of my work to prove the writer wrong, but most of the photos were of me leaving or entering a hotel with Gerard. The only exception was the sketch I had drawn of Gerard that had been in my studio the day the interviewer had come. Instead of highlighting my skill, the sketch seemed to demonstrate the interviewer's theory that this was all just Gerard spoiling me and me using Gerard to get ahead.

He couldn't decide if he wanted to scream or cry. I wanted to do both, but neither seemed to finish blooming. I sat in the chair somewhat numb as I felt my career slipping away from me.

Before I could do anything, my door burst open and Gerard flew in. His eyes were dark and filled with hate. He threw the magazine on my desk.

"What the hell is this?"

I guess I shouldn't have been surprised that he was angry. I was too. And I couldn't be surprised that, again, he was only thinking about how this would affect him. What surprised me was that all that heat and anger was directed at me, as if I had done this. As if this were my fault.

"I do not know what it is. This is not the interview I gave."

"Don't lie to me, Silvia. Is this what you've been waiting for all along? Have you been using me to advance your career and gain access to money? and the name of the Hush? To make a fool of myself?"

In a way, I was glad he attacked me because it fueled my anger and drove away my despair. There would be time to cry about all this later. I wasn't going to do it here at work, and I certainly wasn't going to do it in front of Gerard Hush.

I stood up and glared at him.

"The world does not revolve around you, Gerard Hush. And you're an idiot if you think for a minute that I would give this kind of interview. It completely dismisses my artwork and makes me look like a gold digger.

He put his hands on his hips, his intense eyes staring at me.

"If the shoe fits, darling..."

I was not a violent woman, but at that moment I would have loved to slap Gerard. Not only because his words were so offensive, but because they hurt me deeply. I could feel tears coming to my eyes.

"You're an immature. Do you really think this article is going to hurt you? If you're so against people thinking you're a womanizer, maybe you should stop being a womanizer. Everyone knows that you use your club as a means to stalk women. Everyone knows that you are the king of one night stands. If you look stupid, it's your problem, not mine."

I didn't want to continue talking to him. I didn't want to work anymore. I didn't want to do anything anymore. I grabbed my bag and walked past him on the way to the door.

"I quit."

When I got home, I looked at my art studio and, for the first time in my life, I didn't feel inspired to create anything. In fact, there was a part of me that wanted to throw a tantrum and throw everything on the floor and stomp on it to get rid of it all. From now on, if I felt the need to create again, it would be just for me or maybe for Katy. I didn't even want to paint anything for the new baby. The baby was still several months away, and perhaps by then the desire to paint or create would resurface. Right now, the only thing I could do was go to bed.

I don't know how long I was lying there before there was a knock on the door. I bolted out of bed and ran to the door, flinging it open, but was disappointed when I saw that Gerard wasn't standing on the other side, ready to crawl in and take back whatever he'd said. In her place was Katy, and from the look on her face, I knew she had read the article.

"Silvia. “she came in and put her arms around me. One of the good things about being around my older sister was that she understood things without me having to tell her.

She hugged me for a long time and finally pulled back, putting her hands on my shoulders and giving me a gentle shake.

"I know you think this is the end of the world, but I promise you Silvia, you'll get over it. People will see that you are a talented artist. You can't let this stop you.

I looked away.

"I don't even want to paint anymore. She gave me another shake.”

"It's because all this madness weighs on you. You'll see how you come back. "She guided me through the apartment and sat me on the couch. "Can I get you some tea or something?""

"I guess some tea would be nice."

Katy went to the kitchen and I could hear her rummaging through the cupboards. She hadn't moved anything since she'd married Ronny, so she knew she'd find everything. I wondered how she would take it when I told her that she had left the job she so wanted her to take.

She returned a few minutes later, handing me the tea and sitting on the other end of the couch with her own tea, looking at me with sympathetic eyes.

"So, this matter with Gerard…

"It's over. This time for real. Oh, and you should know that I've quit work."

Katy looked at her cup of tea, turning the bag over. Then she looked up.

"What was happening between you and Gerard?

It was my turn to look away.

"I guess it was like you and Ronny. Something like friends with benefits. Although, perhaps, friends is not the word. We just have this wild attraction that we thought we could get rid of, but we couldn't.

"Do you have feelings for him?"

Her words made the crack in my heart grow larger.

"Right now, my feelings towards him are anger. He blames me for this. He thinks I went out and did this to catch him, or to get money from him or something. Don't know. He is so selfish and self-centered…. He only thinks about himself." Katy nodded, but she didn't seem to completely agree with me. "This ruins my career. Why would I do this?"

Katy gave me another sympathetic look.

"I think people like Gerard and his brothers are worried that women are interested in them only for their money. So they tend to keep their guard up.

"I am not so. I don't give a shit about his money."

Katy smiled.

"Now it's not you. And I suspect Gerard will notice.

"Whether he realizes it or not, it doesn't matter. I've finished. I'm done at Hush Incorporated. I'm done dealing with him. And, because of all this, I am finished as an artist."

Katy reached out her hand, putting it on my arm and giving it a squeeze.

"Don't give up your career, Silvia.” As I said, these things are forgotten. A lot of people have bought your art and people will see it. They will see that you are legitimate.

I wanted to believe her, but I was sure she was just saying those words to make me feel better.

We talked for a while and I thought he was getting ready to leave, when there was a knock on my door again.

"I'm coming," she said, getting up from the couch. She opened the door. Andi?

Andi walked into my apartment like she was ready to burn down the city.