Chapter 18

Getting married over the anvil was a quick process, and Maddy was all right with that. She supposed when she was younger, she must’ve entertained the idea of being married and imagined her perfect wedding, but she retained no memories of that now.

From the time she was around eleven, and she realized the disturbing way Stefan looked at her, followed by the first disgusting letter he had sent when she was just twelve, she had quickly outgrown girlish fantasies of finding true love and had learned the harsh lesson that men couldn’t be trusted. Perhaps not all men were untrustworthy, but certainly her stepbrother was.

Now, sitting across from her husband as they returned at a more sedate pace to Coventry Park, she wondered if there was more good or bad in the man she had just married. He was certainly preferable to Stefan, but he had taken her choices just as firmly as her stepbrother.

How could she resign herself to that and find happiness with him while knowing he was of a similar bent? She told herself thoughts of future happiness were fleeting and unimportant when compared to the current moment. Now that she was married, she would have full access to her inheritance.

She had no idea how much Stefan had burned through in the intervening years, but surely, there would be enough left to fund a new life. She wanted to travel and see the continent, but she also considered the idea of disappearing to America. That had been her plan before meeting Colin, knowing she had to distance herself from London as soon as she could after being able to take control of her own inheritance.

Now, that would mean running away from a husband as well, pretending she was someone else entirely, and never being able to legally marry if she met someone she could love. It seemed highly unlikely, though she was no longer so staunchly convinced love was a made-up emotion.

Sometimes, she feared she was starting to fall in love with Colin, though she always assured herself it was simply a reaction to all the physical pleasures they shared. It was natural to form some kind of bond with all the intimacies between them, but that didn’t mean she was in love with him, and it certainly didn’t mean she couldn’t walk away as soon as she had the chance. A divorce would be impossible to obtain, but a new life was a shining promise, and she clung to it.

They were back at Coventry Park a short time later, and he insisted on carrying her over the threshold. When they entered, she heard Mariah’s cry of dismay, and Colin’s arms tightened around her reflexively to keep from dropping her. He set her down a moment later, and he turned to face his mother.

“It is true then. You have forced her to marry you.” The older woman sounded unbearably saddened by the news. “I suppose I still clung to the slight hope that maybe you were better than your father.”

“Mrs. Nash, I agreed to marry him. Colin is protecting me from something far worse than marriage to him.” She kept her tone gentle, appreciating the other woman’s concern for her.

Mrs. Nash looked shocked for a moment, but then she straightened her shoulders. “If it is your choice, no matter how meager, then you must be supported in it. Congratulations.” She nodded to both of them before turning and leaving the room.

Maddy thought maybe they should go check on her, but apparently, the thought didn’t occur to Colin at all, because he put his arm around her waist and steered her up the stairs, once more lifting her to carry her over the threshold into the bedchamber they’d been sharing for the past weeks. He showed no signs of releasing her until he laid her on the bed, and he joined her shortly thereafter.

He stripped her tenderly, and his touches and kisses were almost reverent as he brought her to a fever pitch before entering her to consummate the marriage. She clung to him, confused by her feelings, but finding it easy enough to lose herself in the passion of the moment that she could stop contemplating what it all meant for the time being.

Instead, she melded with her husband, and as he came inside her, triggering her own orgasm, at that moment, she was optimistic that maybe the future wouldn’t be as bad as she expected. Maybe she could even find true happiness with Colin.

***

They returned to London the next day, and en route, she said, “I would like to invite your mother to London. She needs to get away from the estate for a while.”

He frowned at her. “It would be unwise to allow a madwoman in London.”

She rolled her eyes. “Your mother is not crazy. How can you not see that? She told me your father used to give her something that would make her have convulsions and physical outbursts. He punished her for not being able to love the tyrant he was by making her seem crazy and locking her away. How can you fail to see that?”

“Because it is exactly the sort of mad tale a crazy woman would spin,” he said impatiently. “My mother is insane. I have accepted it, and believe me, I watch for signs of it in myself, but fortunately, I seem not to have inherited her tendencies.”

“Perhaps it would have been better if you’d inherited more of your mother’s tendencies than your father’s,” she said sharply before she could think better of it.

He frowned at her. “Whatever she has said about my father, you mustn’t let it poison you. She is unwell and disturbed. You must regard whatever she says with a degree of skepticism.”

“And you must continue to dismiss her because it is comfortable for you to do so. If you dared contemplate the idea that perhaps your father had lied to you, convinced you to willingly separate from your own mother and view her as a danger, and that you are perpetuating his crime by continuing her enslavement at the country estate, it would put you in a difficult position. You might have to examine all the actions you have undertaken and realize you are not quite the hero you believe yourself to be.”

He was glaring openly now, but his reply was surprisingly moderate. “I do not believe I am a hero, Maddy. I am quite capable of seeing I am a villain, especially through your eyes. I promise I will consider the idea of maybe allowing her to visit us in London.” He put up his hand before she could protest. “If not, we shall return to Coventry Park for Christmas and spend the holiday with her. Will that suit you?”

After a moment, she nodded and smiled at him, recognizing the small gesture for what it was. If he was open to exploring the idea he had been misled, she had to encourage each tiny increment along the journey.

If and when he accepted his father had lied to him and controlled Mariah’s fate because she couldn’t give him the love he’d thought he deserved, it would necessarily be a crushing blow. He would have to reevaluate all his interactions with his mother over the years and accept his part in continuing her imprisonment after his father’s death.

It might also force him to examine his interactions with Maddy as well. Surely, if he accepted the truth of his father’s actions, he couldn’t fail to find the parallels between their behavior. She feared it was likely to make him cling stronger to his father’s narrative rather than be openminded enough to accept his mother’s version of the truth.

She firmly believed Mariah was being honest in everything, but she hadn’t been tainted or poisoned by knowing Colin III. The previous Lord Kressley must’ve left some kind of impression on his son, though he didn’t sound like he had been a very involved or warm parent.

She admitted it pained her on Colin’s behalf to have been denied a close relationship with his mother during his formative years because of his father’s cruelty. If she could help him see the injustice done to both of them, she would consider it a worthy endeavor.