Chapter 58: 60

One year later

As I waited in line for the prison search, my heart was racing and anxiety was taking over me. The environment was full of inmates and their families, a mixture of emotions filled the air. I was there, once again, to visit Ravi, my dear friend who took the blame for the crimes I committed.

The security agent called me, indicating that it was my turn. With shaky steps, I approached her, feeling the weight of expectations and worries about what might happen. The agent's gaze was serious and determined, reflecting the harsh reality of her work. She instructed me to squat over a mirror, making sure I wasn't carrying anything illegal inside me. It was a necessary but invasive procedure that only reinforced the sad reality of the situation.

As I went through the magazine, my anxious eyes scanned the place in search of Ravi. Among the inmates and their families, I longed to see him. Ravi was my angel, the one who took the blame to protect me, the burden I carried in his place. The thought of being separated from him, even if only for a few hours, was a constant pain in my chest.

Suddenly, before I even saw him, I felt a hug from behind, a gesture so familiar that it immediately took a smile from my lips. It was Ravi, my companion in suffering and hope. His arms wrapped around me with strength and comfort, as if we were protecting each other from the outside world. That hug was a reminder that we were not alone, that we had each other to face everything that life threw at us.

As we held each other in that challenging environment, my heart filled with gratitude for Ravi. He had sacrificed himself for me, giving up his freedom so I could have a second chance. Even in the face of difficulties and adversities, I found the strength to move forward, because Ravi was my support, my reason to believe in a better future.

There, at that moment, the prison and its restrictions disappeared for an instant. It was just me and Ravi, united in an embrace that transcended the bars and sadness of the outside world. Together, we found comfort and hope in that unbreakable connection that strengthened us with each visit.

- Every time I think you won't show up - he says in a playful tone with his hands on my waist - And every time you show up.

- I also take what I promise seriously. And if I remember, it was you who said you would rather spend the rest of your life than live with me - I smile without showing my teeth, tilting my head to the side. He rolls his eyes, finally smiling.

- It's better to try to protect yourself at all times, imagining different things that could happen to you.

I sigh, still not believing I was in front of him. I was counting the days until that moment.

- It would be better if you admitted that you loved me, it would be easier.

- I did this once and I regret it to this day, because you don't forget - Holding my breath, I hug him tightly, imagining how things would be if Ravi didn't want to be a hero.

As I close my eyes and let my imagination carry me away, I can envision a future with Ravi, even if he never shared the same feelings as me. It's a difficult exercise, because my heart has always wanted more than reality could offer me. But even so, I decided to allow myself to dream.

In my imagined future, our connection would remain strong despite the circumstances. I would love him unconditionally, without expecting anything in return. It would be a silent, discreet love, but as intense as the sun that shines on the horizon.

I would watch him move on with his life, building relationships with other people, while I would be there, always by his side like a faithful friend. I would celebrate your achievements, dry your tears in difficult moments and share laughter in moments of joy. She would be his confidant, his advisor and his rock when everything seemed to fall apart.

I would learn to appreciate the beauty of the little things life has to offer, finding joy in the moments shared and the memories we would make together. Maybe it was late conversations under a starry sky, unpretentious walks amid nature or simply the comforting feeling of knowing that, even without a "boyfriend" title, we were an important part of each other's lives.

There would be times when my heart would ache, when I was faced with the fact that he didn't feel the same deep love that I did. However, I would find the strength to overcome these moments of sadness by reminding myself that true love is not just about possessing someone, but about desiring another's happiness, even if that means not being by their side as romantic partners.

I would focus on growing as an individual, pursuing my own goals and passions. I would find my purpose and achieve personal action, knowing that even if Ravi wasn't my "orange half", I could be a better version of myself.

In this imagined future, I would choose gratitude over bitterness, understanding over disappointment. I would accept reality, but I would never abandon the hope that one day his love could transform and unite us in a deeper way.

This is the story I create in my mind, a future that could have been with Ravi, even if he didn't want a relationship with me. It's a dream, an exercise in imagination that allows me to explore possibilities and nurture a love that, although not reciprocated in the same way, remains within me.

- Are you managing the NGO? - He asks, while I'm still hugging him.

After everything that happened, the favela became my home, that place wasn't the same without Ravi, it was strange being there without him. It was strange at first and continued to be so.

At a certain point, my mind weighed having taken Rayane and Ryan's father away, I found myself deciding to go back home, just to make sure they were okay, but to my surprise, the house was empty, the neighbors said that one day they heard screams coming from there and a lot of noise, highlighting that on that day Samuel had not appeared, after that episode Rô was no longer seen, nor were the children.

The first thing I was sure of was that Antônia had something to do with this, however, there was no way to connect anything to her, other than the fact that she made it clear that she would do something.

For a week, I searched for them, eventually deciding after finding absolutely nothing.

In the midst of all this, I needed to focus on something and that's when I realized that there were children in the same state that Ravi was in one day and this made me want to take care of them in some way.

- It's my house.

- I know - He looks at me with a small smile on his face - Stay there taking care of others, but make sure he doesn't forget about you - A bell rings at the same moment, Ravi puts his hands on my arms, trying to cut off that physical contact. I knew it was always difficult to say goodbye, especially for him who would continue to be trapped there - Go. Get out. Before I tell them not to let you in again.

- Take care - I say when I walk away, taking a few steps back - And don't do anything I wouldn't do.

- As if I would do it - He grumbles, putting his hands in his pockets.

I left prison with a mixture of relief and apprehension. I cross the street with hesitant steps, still getting used to the freedom I so desired. I walked towards the parked car, feeling a mix of nervousness and curiosity.

As I approached the vehicle, I noticed Gael sitting in the driver's seat, watching me closely behind his sunglasses. His piercing gaze seemed to read my soul, but it also carried a trace of understanding and trust. I sighed deeply, aware that this meeting would be a crucial point in my journey of reintegration into society.

With a mix of hesitation and hope, I opened the car door and climbed into the passenger seat. Gael remained silent, but there was something in his expression that told me he was willing to help me. I knew I had a lot to prove, that I needed to show them and myself that I was capable of changing, of leaving my past behind.

Ever since Ravi came into my life, my feelings towards Gael have been a real emotional rollercoaster. It's difficult to admit, but my heart is divided between the two and this has left me distressed.

Gael and I have a long history together. We shared incredible moments, laughs and even a few tears. I used to think he was the love of my life, the only one who truly understood my essence. But then, Ravi appeared.

Ravi is an amazing, kind and caring person. He is able to make me smile in the most difficult times and offers me the emotional support I have always wanted. His presence in my life brought new light, awakening feelings I didn't know existed.

However, every time I'm with Ravi, a feeling of guilt settles in my chest. I feel like I'm cheating on Gael, even though I'm not in an official relationship with him. Still, I can't ignore the special connection I share with Ravi.

I've been trying to contain my feelings towards Gael because I feel like it wouldn't be fair to either of us. I don't want to be a source of confusion or pain for him, especially since he still means so much to me. At the same time, I also don't want to give up on Ravi, who has shown himself to be someone with whom I can build a happy future.

The truth is that I'm lost and scared of making a wrong decision. I can't move on without hurting someone I love. I'm in a moment of deep introspection, trying to understand my feelings and find the best way to deal with this complicated situation, while you I was in a relationship with one man, loving another.

I look at Gael and, for a brief moment, our eyes meet. There was a special connection there, a mutual understanding that transcended words. It was as if he knew my weaknesses and aspirations, and was willing to give me a chance at redemption.

As the car drove away from the prison, I felt a mix of gratitude and determination. I knew the path would continue to be arduous, full of challenges, but now I had an ally by my side.

- I hope she likes me - says Gael, as we walk towards a restaurant, where I had arranged to meet the only family I had left.

- Everyone likes you - I assure him, holding his hand, which was cold and damp from sweat. He smiles at my comment, walking side by side, we approach a table, where Antônia was sitting and who gets up at the same moment. Initially his eyes focus on Gael, I look at both of them, waiting for someone to say something. But no one says anything - This is Gael, aunt. Gael, this is my aunt Antônia - I say looking at each one separately.

Antônia just smiles at me, as she always did as she saw me, with her eyes shining. But like every time, I knew she was hiding something from me, maybe a part about her that I had no idea ever existed or still existed.