Chapter 6: Out of My League

I thought it was embarrassingly humorous that I was nominated and voted as the class's muse. I saw an ordinary-looking girl with unremarkable wavy hair when I looked in the mirror. My appearance was nothing out of the usual. I'm not sure why, but some people found me appealing. They needed eyeglasses. But I'm delighted I didn't win. Desiree was more deserving of the position than I was. Her fascinating eyes and flawless complexion made her look stunning. Anyway, that's enough about the muse thing. I'll tell you about Alex.

I discovered that his family was prosperous since his parents were financially secure and could supply whatever their children desired and required. Alex was a lucky guy.

I was glad because he and I shared a lot of interests. We both enjoyed the same types of music and share similar hobbies and interests. And it was quite thoughtful of him to offer to accompany me to gigs and concerts. He was really sweet and concerned about my safety. I find those traits admirable. I was happy because I've finally found someone with whom I could hang out at these types of events.

I noticed he was perplexed as to why I didn't dress femininely and instead opted for baggy clothing. I just couldn't bring myself to expose my skin. I was too frail and awkward for my own good. I didn't feel like I looked well in feminine clothing. Wearing such things requires a lot of self-confidence. And, as I've heard from others, what good would wearing great clothes be if you couldn't carry them well?

It's ridiculous, and it's a waste of money. Furthermore, many males take advantage of women who dress in attractive and revealing clothing. I don't want weird men to take advantage of me, of course. I don't want to be harassed on the street. It's unjust, but that's how the world's patriarchal system works. We, as women, must adapt.

I was often mistaken for a boy because I wore big pants and a sweatshirt. As a result, no one exploited me. Another reason I look like this is since I was too lazy to put on a good outfit. I simply dressed in clothes that I could see in my closet. I was simply being pragmatic and astute.

I was surprised because I had suddenly become popular when my friend Hannah selected me as the muse. Hannah, along with Alex, was one of my classmates. Hannah regarded me in the same way as Alex did. Hannah felt I was attractive and intelligent. To be honest, I thought of myself as average in terms of appearance and academics. She kept telling me that I needed to change the way I styled my hair. But I was far too lazy to do so. I'd either put it in a ponytail or let it hang loose. I didn't see the sense in trying to make myself appealing. There was no one to impress.

I enjoyed spending time with Hannah. She was kind and pleasant to be around. We didn't share the same musical tastes, but we both enjoyed reading. I had a good time conversing with her. She was a knowledgeable girl.

When my peers teased me with Alex, I felt embarrassed. I was aware that Alex simply saw me as a friend and nothing more. I also placed a high value on our friendship. I couldn't see myself dating him. It's simply not doable.

While I was a plain Jane, he was attractive. He was wealthy, and I was not. He was exceptionally bright, and I was mediocre. I was a klutz, whereas he was sporty.

I had a great time hanging out with him. He was dreamy. However, I encountered a number of girls in school who were scary and perplexing. When I was with Alex, other girls looked at me enviously and aggressively. Some girls treated him and me as though we were a couple or a loveteam. I wish they'd quit acting strange and embrace Alex and me as friends. I wished the teasing, shipping, and angry stares would stop.

They kept my hopes up high even though guys like Alex were unreachable. To be honest, I was out of his league. Even though my friends told me I was lovely every day, and that I didn’t see my own beauty because I didn't like to comb my hair or dress up. Even if they dressed me up in a lovely and expensive gown, I would never appear classy or wealthy. And the odor of poverty would remain in my body for the rest of my life. Some of you might think I was being too tough on myself, but everything I said was true. On this, I've got to be realistic. I'd never be able to have Alex all to myself.

Alex had dated a number of girls in the past, according to other students, and he had also dumped a lot of them. There were a lot of gorgeous girls at school, and I'm sure he'd dated at least half of them. There were some girls who were even more attractive than I was. As a result, I came to the conclusion that Alex would never be interested in me. Why on earth would he choose to date me if they could date them (and I truly believed he could). Out of pity? Out of curiosity? That's insane.

Oh, how I wish my classmates would quit teasing me about him and saying things like "oh, you two look cute together." I couldn't stand it because he was too good for me.

It's a shame because I liked him and cherished our connection. I didn't want to jeopardize our relationship. My ideas were leading me astray.

My subconscious would entertain ideas of being romantically involved with him, dating him, and even kissing him. Especially in my nighttime visions and fantasies. But I quickly dismissed those notions.

My subconscious was chastised by me. "Please stop thinking those foolish and unrealistic things!" I usually tell her, and I'm embarrassed whenever I imagine the two of us going on a picnic and spending our time together in the park. Or after attending a Sunday mass together, eating fish balls.

Oh, my gosh, my dear subconscious! Please, don't do this to me! This isn't amusing at all.

When Alex and I went for a walk in a beautiful forest, I was happy. So I invited him there so he might experience the beauty of the place before seeing my ugly and old house. Because the vista was so stunning, I made it a point to make sure we watched the sunset together. Hannah laughed and said, "I see you're falling in love with Alex," when I told her this anecdote.

Her remark had perplexed me. "How do you know that?" I asked.

“Mostly, couples watch the sunset together.

It’s one of the romantic things to do.” She was smiling and her voice was high when she said that.

“Pft. You definitely watch too much television." I told her.

"But it's true," Hannah stated confidently. "It's not often that my best friends and I watch the sunset together. We may either photograph it or ignore it."

And I pondered why Hannah couldn't appreciate the simple pleasures of life. I had never considered it in that light. I never thought to myself, "Oh, I'd show Alex the sunset because it's such a romantic thing to do and I want him to fall in love with me." All I wanted was for us to share a great experience that was also free! I hope that more people could appreciate the simple pleasures in life, such as nature and sunsets.

Hannah was surprised when I told her that I nearly fell due to a slick surface in the forest and that Alex was kind enough to catch me; Hannah was even more surprised when I told her about this incident. She let out a gasp.

"Did you discover you're attracted to each other after staring into one other's eyes?" She asked, her eyes gleaming.

"I mean, it's natural for us to stare because I was laying on his arms because he caught me to protect me from slipping and hurting my head,"

I responded.

“Ahhh!" She yelled like a girl in love.

“Shh! Please be quiet! " I said to her.

"I had a feeling you've fallen in love! " She exclaimed; her voice hushed. She made every effort to keep her excitement in check.

I was glad I didn't include the part where I felt like my cheeks were burning when Alex glanced at me since it would have given Hannah more romantic fantasies.

Hannah was correct in her assertion. Alex was really easy to fall in love with. He was attractive, intelligent, gentlemanly, and courteous. Who wouldn't be smitten by him? He was flawless, and if there was ever a perfect person, it was him.

"You really should consider the idea that Alex is in love with you," Hannah said, as if reading my mind. “You've spent a lot of time together recently. And the two of you look great together! You are attractive, pleasant, and intelligent. Oh, I can only imagine how your future children would be!”

"Oh, please, don't say anything!" I said, a smile creeping across my face, in an inadvertently high-pitched tone.

"Oh, look at you, you're smiling!" She uttered. Then she said in a sing-song voice, "She's in love, she's in love!"

At last, Alex paid a visit to my home. He insisted on walking me home every time. We had arrived at our destination. I was completely ashamed. His face was filled with disappointment. This was my greatest fear. He may be unable to meet and become friends with me because he had already seen my filthy and dilapidated home.

Because of the exterior of my residence, his perception of me would change. He frequently complimented me on my appearance. That may be true, but beauty is a subjective concept. My house, on the other hand, was the polar opposite. Because our house was ancient and the foundation was shaky, no matter how often my siblings, mother, and I cleaned, it remained filthy. There were still plenty of dusts and termites to fight with. It was really embarrassing and revolting to look at.

Our home could cause claustrophobia to other people. It would be a prison for the wealthy and the middle class. My family and I had become accustomed to our claustrophobic, run-down home. However, when Alex arrived, it was clear that he was concerned about our predicament, particularly mine. I didn't appreciate it when others pity me. But what could I do, I was a resident of this house? It's possible that I'd never be able to modify my fate.

I would remain poor. Unless a miracle occurs and we were showered with numerous blessings from the heavens above. Our teachers told us that if you work hard enough, you will inevitably get wealthy. It's a fabrication. My parents worked hard, but they were not wealthy. We were not wealthy. My parents did not finish their education. We, their children, would find a way to improve our circumstances or leave this house in order to live in a clean, moderately spacious, and comfortable home.

I had never imagined myself living in such a lovely and spacious home. For me, a good house was good enough. In fact, there were several houses that were even worse. Some homes are without roofs. Other residences lack a sturdy roof. Not to be content, but this was one of the many things I should thank God for on a daily basis. We were still alive and well. Every day, we ate three meals.

It's dangerous to be content since being content might lead to stagnation. Especially the impoverished, such as ourselves, should not be satisfied with our situation. It's difficult, but you must make an effort to work hard. Because how can you live with yourself if you're already poor and still lazy? How are you going to eat? How are you going to study? If you are poor and stupid, it will be difficult. With their power, evil people will take advantage of you. Cunning and nasty people will eat you alive.

They plunder you without your knowledge because you put too much faith in their lies. Money, power, and celebrity are at the center of the universe. Unfortunately, you will need money to survive because every action you take will have a price. Even when peeing in public restrooms, you may be required to pay. My only ambition was to provide a good life for my family, not to get wealthy. One of the things I wished for was for my friends to accept me despite my poverty. And it was on this day that I realized, Alex truly accepted me.