Chapter 32: 32

Chapter 32 part 1 Avoid I sighed again for the nth time. It's annoying that there is no alcohol or even wine at all that I can empathize with how I feel. I never thought to bring. I didn't think I would need that here. I am now on the veranda of my room. Above me is the night sky embellished with luminous and splendid stars. Some were even twinkling. Below me is the deep and mysterious sea. The mixture of the sound of the gangis in the nearby forest and the violent crash of the waves on the shore fills my hearing. I looked up at the sky again. I weakly smiled. My heart hurts that despite the magnificent night sky, I don't wanna stargaze. Because I know he taught me to love such work. I admire myself for being able to still face him and talk to him casually after his conversation with Miara. We ate like nothing happened. He went back to the dining area casually and we talked casually, too. I feel so strong for that. But as soon as I reached my room, my legs started to tremble. My body became weak. Until now that an hour has already passed, my knees are still shaking. I didn't shed tears, though. No one went out. There seems to be a hollow in my heart. I feel a mixture of anger, irritation and pain. All those were directed to me. I'm mad at myself. I am irritated with myself. I am hurting for myself. Because, it's all my fault. Because of our dealings with each other these past few days, I secretly hope a little more is possible. I almost forgot that he's with someone else. I let myself enjoy his company and now, once again, I am in pain. This is what I got from breaking my principles. I want to torture myself for hoping like that. Why is it that my heart and my principles in life do not get along. Or maybe I just didn't make my brain work. That's what I need. And my brain says to stop my illusions. I will. I finally will. And I think, no matter what happens, that's and that's really what I have to do. 'Coz I have no choice. He will never be mine again. I just deviated a little from the path I was treading. I can still turn back on the right path as long as I am whole. I can still avoid him. I will do it now. Then I remembered our scene a while ago. We almost kissed! What was that? I don't want to think that Jared isn't faithful to her. He needs to be. I should avoid him even more because of that. I miserably smiled at the stars. Elders always connect these heavenly bodies to a person's fate. Fate. I wish to the stars to redirect the course of my life. To stop whatever feeling I have right now. It's funny to think that I've always just suppressed how I feel for Jared. Then until now, I couldn't fight him. A proof that from then up to now, I don't deserve him. I will never deserve him. My thoughts got interrupted when my phone rang. I picked it up on the coffee table behind me. "Dad," I introduction to the call. I lost a little of the weight of my heart. In my current situation, I can't deny I need someone to talk to. It's just that I don't have the courage to even call my friends. I know we'd just talk about what happened to me. I do not want. And at least if Dad, another matter. That will fade from my mind for a moment. "Hello, hija, how are you?" Dad's soothing voice made me smile and made my heart lighter. "I'm fine, Dad. You? Where's mommy?" "I'm fine too, hija. Your mom's already asleep. Tired of all day shopping," Dad laughed heartily. I smiled again. How I wish I can also laugh like that. How I wish I can shop right now without a heavy feeling like mommy. How I wish I have a man like my Dad who spoils my mom too much. "That's good to hear please," I sighed, unable to stop the escape of sadness and bitterness in my voice. "Oh? What's with the long sigh, hija?" He teased as he chuckled. I laughed too. At least, there's someone who's taking my problems lightly. Contagious. "Nothing, Dad. Why did you get called?" I lose the conversation. "Oh! Good thing you reminded me," My joy faded. I expected he'd say he's just randomly calling me because he misses me. It's really intentional. But whatever his reason is, at least he called me, right? I'm talking to someone today. "I bumped with this college friend of mine this afternoon …" He trailed off. I shifted. I suddenly became interested. Maybe it's for business? I'd love to talk about business right now. "We haven't seen each other for years so we decided to go for a coffee. We had a little catching up and you know what? I found out that he owns many GI pipe plants around the country and some of our stocks are indirectly from them! " Dad was ecstatic. "That's nice, Dad!" That is a good news. If it's Dad's friend, we might be able to ask for a big discount when they're the ones we pick up as suppliers. Suddenly I lost weight on my chest. He chuckled. "I know, hija. And you know, his unico hijo is just your age, too. He is the one who manages their business. A man like him who took over a very big responsibility at a young age is ideal for women. He will build up a good family, for sure. What do you think, Thalia? " My forehead creased and my smile faded. That was replaced by twitter. I hope he's just only bragging his friend's son and not of something else like my hunch … Chapter 32 part 2 "What do you mean, Dad?" I asked coldly and directly. He let out a deep breathe. "Hija, you're twenty-two now and still single. Your mom and I aren't getting younger by the time. Of course we want you and your sister to settle fast and ensure that you'll be in good hands .. . " Shit. Not again. Not this time! "You want me to marry your friend's son, Dad? Did you call me for that?" My voice turned vile. Dad laughed which made me even more irritated. Here I am, feeling bad and then something like this? What the hell? "I didn't say that, hija. I'm just saying that you should … try to consider his son. Date him. And if you click, why not?" I just closed my eyes tightly. I didn't see this coming. I thought I'm done with this. If I were a teenager and Dad told me this, I might have cried and rebelled like when they reconciled me. But now, I feel like I just want to laugh and go crazy. Fixing my marriage at the age of twenty-two to ensure a good life in the future? Seriously? I can have a good life without a partner! I can afford to get rich and live on my own! This is so funny. "So, what do you want me to do, Dad?" I said calmly as I pinched the bridge of my nose. "Hmm, perhaps a dinner with them? So that you get to know each other." "I'm in Zambales, Dad." I reminded him. "Don't worry, hija. We will set the date when you go back here. We're not in a hurry, anyway," I almost rolled my eyes. Not in a hurry, huh? "Okay," I said. "Okay?" I can almost see my father's eyes twinkling at my answer. "Just tell me where and when, I'll be there. I got to go now, Dad." "Okay, hija. Thank you for considering it. Have a good night …" I sighed when I ended the call. If I hadn't been going through anything now I might have been arguing until I was exhausted. But since I don't have the energy now for anything else, then fine. Yes, just to end the conversation. It's not a big deal to me now, anyway. I can say no if I want and they have no say on it. Or maybe … What if that's also my chance to love again? I will surely go! I just frowned. How desperate, Thalia. Chapter 32 part 3 The next morning Manang Tess knocked me in the bedroom for breakfast. "Ma'am Thalia, you're supposed to eat. Sir Jared is waiting for you downstairs." "Man, please tell him to come first. I can still sleep. I'm not going to the warehouse today," I made sure my voice sounded sleepy. "Oh? Is that so? All right, Ma'am …" "Thank you," I sigh after a while. I promised myself I will avoid him. This is my first step: refuse to eat breakfast with him. That's what I'm doing now. Second is pretending I'm not going to get into my job. When he leaves, I will bring our staff here. In the afternoon and evening, I would pretend to be busy with reports so I was just in the room. I don't want an intearction with him anymore. That ruined my plans, e. But I was just thinking my plans were already hurting my head. It would be nice if I just avoided him for a week but two months? The difficulty! But I could do nothing. I need that. What scared me was, since we were on the same roof, he would definitely notice me. So maybe there are chances I'll go with him. Maybe it's okay if I let him get close to me from time to time. It's just that he doesn't notice me. But he only thinks of me as a guest. I'm sure he won't notice if I am avoiding him. And if he does notice, he won't be bothered. Because I'm not Miara. My heart slightly hurt at that thought but that's what I need. What he didn't notice was my change. I jumped when there was another knock on my door. I stood up and without hesitation opened it thinking it was Manang Tess again and it would be rude if I talked to her behind the door again. But to my horror, Jared's serious eyes was the first thing I saw when I opened the door. My knees softened and my heartbeat quickened. "You're not going to the warehouse?" He inquired in a low voice. He's dressed to work now. I could smell his expensive men's perfume while I was in my pajamas and hadn't taken a bath! Damn! "H-No," I stuttered. "Why?" Didn't Manang Tess tell him the reason and he was still asking? It's weird, oh! "I'm still sleepy, e. N-I woke up last night from what … p-making reports about the inventory so … that." I lied. His brows shot up. His eyes weighed down as he stared at me. It's just a matter of judging that. I swallowed and averted my gaze. I hope I'm good at lying. He rested his hand on the doorjamb, above the top of my head, while the other one is on the other side. His stance made him look so authoritative. He licked his lower lip. "If that's the case, then you can sleep first. I'll wait for you till you feel satisfied so that you can go to work-" Just in the middle of his speech, my eyes rolled. I immediately shook. Will he wait for me to wake up so we can go in together? No! He frowned at my reaction. "I'm not really going in today, Jared. I'm treating this day as my rest day. After all, the deliveries at La Sirene will be two more …" The shock on his forehead disappeared and was replaced by a balance. "That's good, then," He said, convinced. I secretly sigh. If he still doesn't believe I just don't know! "So, I'll just pick you up here later for lunch-" "Huh? B-Why?" His forehead creased. "We'll eat lunch together then we'll go to the hotel like the usual, remember? And since you said it's your rest day, it's just right that you come with me. We'll even hang out if you want." Fuck. "Actually, I have things to do later for the firm. I need to stay here so I can do it." Phew. I didn't expect I would come up with a reason as fast as that! "I thought it's your rest day?" I was dazed there. "Well, y-yeah, but you know, I still don't want to be overwhelmed with things to do. It's just light, anyway. And I prefer to do it here, along with the view of the sea so I'd still feel relaxed despite the pressure, "I laughed a bit. He nodded and the frown disappeared. I deserve an award for this! "Just call me if you need anything, then." He said. "Sure, thanks." I prayed that the door would be closed because he had already backed away but he touched it again. I got nervous. "Why don't you eat first before you sleep?" He will chase. "Uh, just later, when I wake up. Maybe later I'll lose sleep, eh … " His brows shot up but later on, he nodded. "Then I'll just send your breakfast here-" "Oh, not anymore. I'll just come down later," I said softly. He sighed. "Okay. Just make sure you won't forget to eat your breakfast, huh. I'll check on you from time to time. I'll also send Manang Tess here later for your lunch," I smiled inwardly. Realization dawned on me. He is naturally thoughtful. Since then. And I took it wrongly, I gave a diffrent meaning to his nature. He didn't even know and he didn't even mean it but he hoped. "Okay," I smiled. His serious piercing eyes bore into mine intensely. It was as if they were reading my soul and the recesses of my mind. I averted my eyes because my chest was beating so hard. "Go back to sleep now, then …" He crooned. I nodded. He backed away. I slowly closed the door while not looking at him even though I knew I had his full attention. "Rest well, Thal …" I heard him say before I finally closed the door between us. When I closed the door I leaned over there. I felt my chest throb with excessive force. Too much force hurts my ribs. Chapter 32 part 4 When I closed the door I leaned over there. I felt my chest throb with excessive force. Too much force hurts my ribs. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. You're really fragile too, aren't you? The courage to say that you will avoid him and then he is just a little kind, you are already abusive? So I should really avoid him, eh! I really won't forget if I keep talking to him! The trick! I remember how I looked. I had the courage to talk to him in a pajama and spaghetti strap shirt! Not bathing yet! While he was handsome it was just morning! So what, right? Even if I have full make up, she won't appreciate it. That was even better because my excuse of making me sleepy became more realistic! Argh! As I had planned, when I heard Jared's car leave, I took a shower and got dressed. I also called Jason to pick up the drivers at the warehouse. Even if it's a truck, just don't be in Jared's car. I went down then to eat. Manang Tess was no longer there so I was alone. In a few moments our van was outside the gate. I went in there after making sure that I locked the doors before leaving. Arriving at the warehouse I did the former routine. I decided to go home when Jared texted me saying that Manang Tess was coming home to cook for me. I want to be as early as Manang Tess when she arrives so that I won't be left out of the house. After Manang Tess left, I brought her back to our van. I went to a near grocery to buy some ready-to-eat goods just in case I got hungry and Jared was still in the living room. I also bought parasa house as a replacement for what I ate. If he'd ask me where did the goods came from, I'll tell him I went out for a while to buy those and I have no plans to buy groceries again just so he won't suggest we'll do that together again . He was texting me all day. I even called but I didn't answer. Jared: What are you doing? Me: Doing some reports. Jared: Did you eat lunch already? Me: Not yet. Just eat. Everytime he texts, I'd reply him an answer that would make him not text me anymore because he'll think he's disturbing me. He has texts that I don't really reply to even though I really like him. This man, really. He's so irresistable! As usual, at four o'clock in the afternoon, Jared came home. By that time, I was already in the bedroom, starting to think of various excuses. He knocked at my door at six pm for dinner and I told him I'm in an online meeting. He just delivered my food to Manang Tess. The scenario will be the same tomorrow. That's why I'm afraid he'll notice that I'm avoiding him. I know he doesn't care if I avoid him but I still don't want him to notice. So in the evening I called the hotel to ask if there was a room available. Thankfully, there is. I immediately booked one. I will move there the next day. It's just so hard to avoid him when we're only in one roof. How I will tell him that I will move I do not know. Maybe I'll just tell him that I need to move out already because I don't want to bother him anymore. He can't do anything if that's what I want, especially since I've already made a reservation. Chapter 32 part 3 The next day, I decided to get out of my room and eat breakfast with him on the dining area. This is my strategy to tell him I'm already moving out. Of course he couldn't think that I was avoiding him because I went with him for breakfast. He'd immediately allow me. I will tell my plan to him while eating. Fortunately, the delivery schedule at La Sirene is still open so there is no reason for me to go with him away from home. I'll just pretend not to come in again. Jared's brooding eyes met mine upon reaching the dining area. My heart pounded. I immediately averted my gaze. I've been forgetting him for a few days but his strength is still his effect. Damn it! He was not surprised by my presence while I almost jumped even though I had not seen him for almost two days. He examined me from head-to-toe languidly. My cheeks got hot. I just sneezed to hide my nervousness and approached the table. He is in the capital and drinking coffee. I sat on the far side of him, not wanting to face him, afraid that our gazes would meet. It's like he knows what I'm up to when he's looking at me. So I always avert my gaze. He adjusted his seat when I sat down. "Morning," He said huskily. "Morning …" I said without looking at him. This is so damn awkward! "You done with your reports?" "Uh … No … Yet," I have already started to put a dish on my plate. And I admire myself for doing it casually. My hand is not shaking! He shifted on his seat. "That's a long report. So, you're not going to the warehouse again?" I blinked. "A-apparently, yes. But I'm almost done with it. So I won't come in again to finish that …" That I miss talking to him. But he shouldn't be talking to me! "I didn't expect that you work like that. But don't stress yourself too much, please," And my fragile heart pounded hard again. "Manang Tess?" I lose the conversation. "She's out," My eyes rolled. "So, you're the one cooking?" "Uh-huh," I was caught in my forehead. You should really move on, Thalia! You are a burden and just greedy! He chuckled at my reaction. "And good thing you already went down before I decided to drag you out of your room just so you would eat breakfast here. You've only been eating in your room for a few days. That isn't good." My lips parted and my heartbeat doubled. "I-I'm eating, eh. That's what's important …" I faked a laugh. My back is sweating so bad! Shit! He clenched his jaw. "Even so. It's still a bad habit, Thalia. Work can understand, but health cannot. Put that on your pretty head." The breakfast went fine. It's just that, with nervousness and various kinds of feeling, I haven't been able to say my move yet. That's the reason why I really need to avoid him. He's too dangerous. I went to the warehouse thirty minutes after Jared left the house. But when I got there and got out of the car it was as if I was going to fall to my feet in panic. Jared's approaching car made my breathing halt for a second. I was rooted in where I stood, not knowing what to do. Before I could return to my court he was already out of his car. His dangerous pitch black eyes were immediately directed at me. Our staff greeted him. He just nodded, not taking his eyes off me. Chapter 32 part 5 I shook my head and approached him, thinking that was the way to save me from being caught. "H-Hi! What are you doing here? M-do you need anything?" The fake joy in my voice disappeared as his expression grew darker because of what I said. "I should be the one asking you that. Why are you here?" He asked emphatically. Shit. "I've finished my reports. I don't want to waste my time so I sent for you to come here," I said like a pro. He cocked his head to the side as his stare became more lethal and at the same time, sarcastic. I sneezed and averted my eyes. "Really? If you just finished your reports today, why yesterday and the other day, are you also here at this time?" He fired. My eyes rolled and my lips parted. How come he knows about that? I would like to say, what if I was here yesterday and the other day it was for us but it was just philosophizing. I know what he's talking about. He sneered. "I asked the guard and he confirmed that you've been going here for three consecutive days. Why did you make me believe that you're just in my house, resting. Hmm?" Shit. I should have conspired with Manong Guard! "I'm just thinking of coming here because … I can't do anything at home," His brows shot up. "Why didn't you tell me, then?" "It's not a big deal, Jared." "And why do you think to leave right after I leave the house, then?" He probed. My lips parted. He knows every detail. Wow. "Because there's nothing to do in the afternoon-" "Why don't you just come with me then? I'm also leaving early. You'll finish earlier. And I thought you wanted to rest so why do you sneak out of the house to work?" My mouth ran dry. I was caught off guard. In fear and helplessness, I turned my back on him but even before I could step away, he pulled me by the wrist. I backed away and fell on his chest. "We're not yet done talking." He said in tough english. His voice sent shivers down my spine. I was swallowed. "Think all you want of my actions, Jared. If you think, I'm lying-" "Is it not?" He said ruthlessly. "No." I said and tried to remove my wrist from his tight hold. I went inside the warehouse but only a few steps away I felt like a spring that came back because of Jared's tow again. "What?!" I'm so angry. "You're avoiding me." He declared. The feathers stood up on my nape. "N-No, I'm not …" Damn it! Can I not be a good actress just this time? Chapter 32 part 6 He sneered. "Really?" He whispered near my ear in a controlled tone. "I don't know what you're talking about. I am not avoiding you," I said in a little voice. I removed his hand that was holding me and started walking away from him, pretending to check items even though my knees were already shaking. "Why are you avoiding me?" He said as he followed. I closed my eyes emphatically. "I am not, okay? If I am, then I won't talk to you-" "Then how will you explain your plan to transfer to La Sirene tomorrow?" He mocked. I was stunned. How he knew that, I don't know. Did the booking department employees told him? Do they need to inform their boss if a guest books a room? I don't think so, eh! Why are they so nosy? When I recovered, I accelerated my walk. I won't ever answer him why. He doesn't need to know that I'm hurt. Why does he need to ask? Why didn't he just let me? For it's all over! "Thalia," He warned, speeding up the walk to catch up with me. "I'm busy, Jared- ah!" I fell to the floor when I felt something pierce my foot. It hurts! I turned to my feet and saw lots of blood on my right foot. The four nails hit my flats and sank into my feet! "Fuck!" Jared. I tried to remove the nail but before I could do that, Jared already scooped my legs and carry me bridal style. Napatili ako. "Release me! I'll even remove your nail!" I cried as I wriggled in his arms. He ignored my moans. He had already walked out of the warehouse while I was lifting. "Where are you taking me? Take me to Daddy's office! I'll heal my wound there!" I lamented. I slap his arms. He groaned. "Don't move! I'll bring you to the hospital!" I struggled even more. "I don't need your help! I can heal myself alone! My workers can bring me to the hospital! Go back to your work!" I cried. He didn't listen. The staff is already looking at us. They were asking what happened but Jared won't answer them. They are the ones who discover what the problem is. They followed us. I'm already crying. And it's not because of the nail on my foot. In fact, I can't feel the pain from there. I cry because of Jared, what he does to me, and the fact that he is complicated. I don't want him to help me anymore. It would just make me more hopeful. It would just make my heart hurt. I'd rather bleed externally. Just don't be my heart. Despite my loss of his arm he was not even shaken. "Please …" I said weakly. My tears started to drip. I hid my face in his chest while sobbing. His jaw clenched. A worker opened his front seat's door. Jared landed me there. The sharp stare I cast at him, immediately recovered from the weakness earlier. I'm sure I'm a crying mess right now but I don't care anymore! "Let me say, eh!" I screamed on top of my lungs. I tried to move to get out but he held me in place. He put my seat belts on. "What's your problem, huh ?! Can't you understand? I said, I don't need your help-" "You're the one I should ask that! What's your problem? For pete's sake, stop being stubborn, Thalia, and listen to me! We can't just remove that nail from your foot because we're not doctors and maybe what And don't insist your damn suggestion to let your workers drive you there because I am so fucking worried about you so let me rush you to the hospital! " I covered my lip. I stopped crying and bowed when I saw that his chest was up and down and red. I bit my lower lip. "Fuck!" He cursed harshly and closed the front seat's door. Chapter 32 part 7 In shock I was stunned. No more protesting. He even instructed the staff to hurry before going to the driver's seat. We got to the hospital quickly. I was immediately treated. Tired of crying and what had been injected into me I fell asleep. When I woke up I found myself lying on a bed. With the type of the bed and sheets, I immediately concluded that I am in the hospital's room. I tried to get up but before I could do that, Jared was already beside me. He supports me. "You should just lie down and rest more. The doctor decided to confine you because the wound is … deep. But we can already go home this evening," Jared said in a calm manner. I nodded but remained seated. I lifted the blanket to look at the wound. A large bandage is almost covering half of my foot. However, I can't feel any pain. Maybe someone gave me medicine or because of anesthesia? I don't know. Then I remembered what happened a while ago. It was me struggling on Jared's lap and saying I didn't need his help. I became harsh. But even so he still brought me here. I bit my lower lip for feeling guilty. I was carried away by intense emotions. "S-Sorry for acting like that a while ago …" I said, almost whispering. His jaw clenched. He did not answer. "And … T-Thank you for bringing me here," I said in a smaller voice, still bowing. He kept mum. He let out a deep sigh. I am already pressing my fingers intently. "Are you still in pain?" He then asked, ignoring my previous statements. I shook. "Do you wanna eat something? I bought porridge but if you wanna eat something else, just tell me." I tried to look at him only to avert my gaze immediately. "Porridge is fine. Thanks …" He sighed. "You may not be able to walk properly yet because of your wound. You cannot go to work for at least a week, too," I nodded, he understood. "I will be with you all the time to nurse you." I looked up at him. "You have work …" She moaned. "I will take a leave-" "No!" Damn it! Here he is again! "I'm leaving tomorrow so there's no need …" I pursed my lips. I shouldn't have mentioned that to him! Chapter 32 part 8 He glared at me. I bowed. If I hadn't been here in the hospital, he would have shouted at me earlier because he was annoyed. "You're not leaving my house." He declared. "But I already have a reservation-" "I canceled it." My jaw dropped. I want to cry. "Why? I can nurse myself alone now, Jared. I'm sure of that …" My voice dropped when I saw his deadly look. "So what if you can? That doesn't mean you'll leave my house." He said ruthlessly. "Still. I need to-" "Why? All right, Thalia. Give me a hundred reasons for you to leave my house. Give me," "I guess the amount …" I just bowed because he stared hard at me. I won't give him what he wants. I won't give him any reason, especially my real reasons. It's no better for me to run away secretly than for him to know that I want to avoid him because I'm already hurting. "Why won't you speak? Let me guess, you're avoiding me-" "I said, I'm not!" I said irritably. The more he's insisting it, the more I'd deny the truth. Why won't he just let me go? I don't understand him. He is not responsible to me, eh! He sneered. "Stop denying. It's too obvious. I was observing you the other day. I just confirmed it today." I was swallowed. He closed the distance between us. He rested his palms on either side of me, confining me. Our proximity made me dizzy. I just hope he won't hear the fast thumping of my heart. He tilted his head to the side. "So tell me, why are you damn avoiding me? Hmm?" I averted my eyes. I won't answer, of course. "Answer me!" I just kept my mouth shut even more. He scoffed. He stepped back and straightened up. I breathed a sigh of relief. "If you won't answer, fine. Let me ask you a question, then …" I want to be irritated. I hope he leaves me! "You were asking for my forgiveness, right?" He said coldly. I'm surprised. My eyes widened as I turned to her compared to her eyes that were so cold of expression. Why is he suddenly bringing this up? "Y-Yes …" "Do you really want it?" "O-Of course!" That's my goal, actually … He clenched his jaw. "Then don't avoid me." "Huh?" He licked his lower lip and averted his gaze. "If you want me to forgive you sooner, don't avoid me. Don't leave ny house. That's my condition." My jaw dropped. "Try to escape me and your conscience will haunt you forever."