Chapter 16 Trust Issues

Chapter 16 Trust Issues

Darius's POV

The drive back to the penthouse was awkward.

Calla sat in the passenger seat, staring out the window, her hands twisted in her lap.

I held the steering wheel so tight my knuckles went white. Every time I blinked, I saw it again. Lucas touching her wrist. Her stumbling when the bond flared. The way she'd stood there listening to him instead of walking away.

I parked in the underground garage and cut the engine. Neither of us moved.

"Darius—" she started.

"Don't." I got out and slammed the door.

She followed me to the elevator. I jabbed the button for the top floor and stood as far from her as the small space would allow.

"You're being ridiculous," she said.

"Am I?"

"Yes." She crossed her arms. "You said I could go."

"I said you could go talk to him. Not let him touch you."

"He grabbed my wrist. I didn't let him do anything."

The elevator doors opened. I walked out, heading straight for the living room. She was right behind me.

"You were there the whole time," she said. "You saw what happened."

"Yeah, I did." I turned to face her. "I saw you meet your mate in secret. I saw the bond flare between you. I saw you listen to his offer like you were actually considering it."

"I wasn't considering anything."

"Really? Because from where I was standing, it looked like you wanted to go back to him."

Her mouth fell open. "That's not fair."

"Isn't it?" I moved closer. "He asks you to come back to Eclipse, and you don't immediately say no. You stand there. You listen. You let him touch you."

"The bond hurt. I couldn't help that."

"But you could help going to meet him alone." My voice rose. "You could help keeping it a secret from me until the last minute."

"I told you where I was going."

"Two hours before you left." I dragged a hand through my hair. "And you made sure Sierra knew. Made sure I knew you were tracking your phone. Like that makes it okay."

"What was I supposed to do?" Her voice rose to match mine. "Ignore him? Let the bond keep flaring until it drove us both crazy?"

"You were supposed to trust me to handle it."

"It's not your bond to handle." She stepped closer. "It's mine. My mate. My choice."

"And what did you choose?" The words came out bitter. "Because from what I saw, you didn't choose me."

"I walked away from him."

"After standing there for twenty minutes." I turned away from her. "After letting him make his case. After feeling the bond pull you back."

"You're jealous."

I spun around. "Of course I'm jealous. You're my fake fiancée who's developing real feelings for her actual mate. How am I supposed to feel?"

"You said this was fake." Her eyes were wet now. "You said we were pretending to hurt Lucas. So why do you care if I talk to him?"

"Because it's not fake anymore." The words burst out before I could stop them. "Not for me. And I thought not for you either."

She went quiet. Tears spilled down her cheeks.

"But maybe I was wrong," I continued. "Maybe you're still the girl with a crush on her stepbrother. Maybe the bond is stronger than whatever this is between us."

"That's not true."

"Then prove it." I stepped closer. "Tell me you don't feel anything when Lucas touches you. Tell me the bond doesn't make you want to go back."

"I can't."

Those two words hit me like a punch to the gut.

"I can't lie to you," she said, her voice breaking. "The bond is there. It pulls at me. When he touches me, part of me wants to give in. But that doesn't mean I want him."

"Doesn't it?"

"No." She grabbed my arm. "I want you. I chose you. But the bond doesn't care about choices. It just is."

I pulled away. "That's convenient."

"What do you want from me?" Her voice rose again. "You want me to pretend the bond doesn't exist? That I don't feel it every time Lucas is near?"

"I want you to fight it."

"I am fighting it." She was yelling now. "Every single day. But it's hard, Darius. It's so damn hard. And you standing here accusing me of wanting him doesn't make it any easier."

"Maybe you do want him. Maybe that's the problem."

"Fuck you." She shoved my chest. "You don't get to do this. You don't get to act jealous and possessive when this whole thing started as revenge."

"It's not about revenge anymore."

"Then what's it about?" She shoved me again. "Control? You want to control who I see? Who I talk to?"

"I want you to be honest with me."

"I am being honest." Another shove. Her hands were shaking. "But you're not listening. You're too busy being jealous to hear what I'm actually saying."

"Stop pushing me."

"Or what?" She shoved me harder. "You'll reject me too? Add your name to the list of alphas who think they own me?"

"Calla—"

"No." Her voice cracked. "You're just like him. Just like Lucas. You want me on your terms. When it's convenient. When it makes you look good."

"That's not true."

"Isn't it?" She was breathing hard now. "You paraded me in front of your pack. You announced our engagement to hurt him. But the second the bond flares, you act like I betrayed you."

"Because it feels like you did."

"Well maybe you should've thought about that before using me as bait." She turned away. "Maybe you should've considered that the mate bond doesn't just disappear because you want it to."

Something was wrong. Her breathing was too fast, too shallow. Her hands clenched and unclenched at her sides.

"Calla, calm down."

"Don't tell me to calm down." She spun back around. Her eyes had changed. Not fully silver yet, but getting there. "You don't get to tell me what to do."

"Your wolf—"

"I know." She pressed her hands to her head. "I can feel her. She's angry."

"Look at me." I moved toward her slowly. "Just breathe. In and out."

"I can't." Her voice was strangled. "She wants out. She wants to fight."

Her body convulsed. I caught her before she hit the floor.

"No, no, no." I held her against my chest. "Don't shift. Not here. You have to hold on."

"It hurts." Her nails dug into my arms, sharp enough to draw blood. "Darius, it hurts."

"I know. But you're stronger than her." I cupped her face, forcing her to look at me. "You control the wolf. Not the other way around."

Her eyes flickered. Silver to brown and back again.

"That's it," I said softly. "Stay with me. Focus on my voice."

"I'm trying."

"Try harder." I pressed my forehead to hers. "Think about something else. Anything else. Not Lucas. Not the bond. Not the fight. Just breathe."

She took a shaky breath. Then another. Slowly, the silver faded from her eyes.

"Good," I whispered. "You're doing good."

"I almost lost it."

"But you didn't." I pulled her closer. "You held on."

She was shaking in my arms. I carried her to the couch and sat down with her in my lap. She buried her face in my chest and started crying.

"I'm sorry," she sobbed. "I'm so sorry."

"Shh. It's okay."

"It's not okay." She looked up at me, tears streaming down her face. "I almost shifted. In your living room. Because we were fighting."

"I know."

"What if I'd lost control?" Her hands clutched my shirt. "What if I'd hurt you?"

"You wouldn't have."

"You don't know that." She was shaking harder now. "Sierra was right. I'm dangerous. Just like Morgana."

"No." I held her tighter. "You're not her. You stopped yourself. You controlled it."

"Barely."

"But you did." I wiped tears from her cheeks. "That's what matters."

She was quiet for a long moment. Then she said, "I'm sorry I met him alone. You were right. I should've told you earlier. Should've let you come with me."

"I'm sorry too." I rested my chin on top of her head. "I was jealous. And scared. And I took it out on you."

"You had a right to be jealous."

"No, I didn't." I pulled back to look at her. "You're dealing with something impossible. A bond you didn't choose. A wolf you can't control. And I made it worse by accusing you of wanting him."

"But part of me does want him." Her voice was small. "The bond makes me want him. And I hate it."

"I know."

"Do you?" She searched my face. "Because I need you to understand. The bond isn't about feelings. It's about biology. About the Moon Goddess choosing for me. But that's not real. You are real."

Something in my chest loosened. "Say that again."

"You're real." She cupped my face. "What I feel for you is real. The bond with Lucas is just pain and obligation. But this? Us? This is choice."

I kissed her, trying my best to be gentle, pouring everything I couldn't say into it. She kissed me back, her hands sliding into my hair.

When we broke apart, we were both breathing hard.

"We need to be honest with each other," I said. "About everything. No more secrets."

"Agreed." She leaned her forehead against mine. "From now on, complete honesty."

"Even when it's hard."

"Especially when it's hard."

The elevator dinged. We both looked up as Marcus stepped out, his face tight with concern.

"Alpha," he said. "We have a problem."