Chapter 38: Chapter 38

Atreus' POV

"How are you feeling?" Ziven asks giving me a plate of those herb pastry things Draven makes for Amil when he's craving them.

"Tired, are you going with the others to scout the forest again today?" I take the plate from him and start eating. The pastries are not as hot as I thought, he probably cooled them down for me.

"Yes, and after that, we're all sparring. Do you want to come with us? You need some fresh air." He sits in front of me on the bed.

I've been staying in his room, trying to get used to being with him. But it's harder than I thought. We might have gotten closer physically, but we're still so far apart mentally.

He's doing everything he can to break down my walls, but I can't, let him get any closer than he already has. Because if he does, he might end up hating me and leaving me alone, and that scares me.

I don't want him to leave. Not because I'm carrying his child now, but because of what he'll see, when my walls do fall.

It's only been two weeks, the blue moon is in three days, and I'm still getting used to knowing I'm actually pregnant. Ziven has been avoiding touching me. I don't know why, and, for some reason, it makes me feel like he doesn't like touching me.

Does he think he might hurt me by accident? I don't know, but I really want him to touch me. Maybe not exactly like he did for five days straight during my first heat, but I would like some contact. I put the empty plate on the nightstand beside the bed before pulling my legs up to my chest.

"Why, won't you touch me?" I ask without thinking, and immediately regret it before turning away from him to hide my red face. What is wrong with me?

"In what way? Atreus, you can ask me anything, you know that, right?" He asks and I feel him move closer to me on the bed.

"In, any way." I say quietly, slightly hoping he won't hear me.

For a moment, he's silent, then he sighs like he's preparing himself to tell me a huge secret he's been keeping from me. "I won't touch you, because you're still so far away from me. And I feel like, you will only shut me out more, if I try to touch you, at all."

He, really thinks that? Maybe, he's right. I look at him, and see the sadness in his greenish gold eyes as he looks at me.

Now I feel like the Villain I'm supposed to be, but the pain in my heart from seeing him so, sad, reminds me that I actually care about him.

I'm so used to shutting people out, it's like second nature to me.

Without letting myself hesitate, I crawl over to him and sit next to him before leaning on him. I can feel his body tense, before slowly relaxing.

"I'm sorry. I'm, not trying to hurt you. It's just. I'm not used to anyone caring about me, like you have. And, I know I'm shutting you out. I want you to break down my walls, but I'm scared you'll leave me, once you know everything I've done. Xander and Draven, what they have done, is like child's play compared to what Silas made me do."

He gently grabbed my chin and made me look up at him. "You, are my mate." He says it, like that makes everything make sense.

"You say mate, but I don't know what that means." Getting up off the bed, I stand in front of him and look into his eyes. "What does it mean, when you call me your mate? What am I really, to you?"

I back up when he stands up and cups my face with his hands. "When I call you my mate, it means that I accept you as you are. Your past is just that, your past. Things you did back then, don't affect how I feel about you now. I don't care that you were born with that status of a Villain. Because, I know you have changed."

He wipes my tears away with his thumbs as he stares into my eyes. "You are more than just my mate. Atreus, you are the very air I breathe. Your eyes shine like the sun at its peak and it reminds me that I have something to live for. And, you're giving me another reason to live." He pauses, like he's trying to find the right words to say.

"Before I met you, I was determined to live everyday like it was my last. I did things I'm not proud of. I fooled around like a hormonal teenage boy, not realizing the consequences of my actions. There were times I would drink myself to sleep because I thought that was living my best life. Then I met you."

Hearing his words, the gentle way he speaks to me. He's not forcing me to understand him. It's more like, he's hoping I'll understand him if he tells me more about himself.

Suddenly, I feel butterflies dance across my skin. Leaving kisses so soft I barely feel them. Am I, falling in love with him?

"When I first saw you, my lungs stopped working and I felt like a god came down and graced me with his presence. And knowing you have the same demons clawing at the chains holding them back, makes me feel less alone. I stopped acting like a fool when I met you. I want to be nothing but the best for you, if you let me. I want to know you, the real, you."

Can I, really be with him? I want to, I really want to be with him. Maybe, it's time for me to get over my past, and finally embrace the unknown of my future, with him.

"Ziven, touch me, please." I whisper, taking his hands from my face, and making them go under my shirt, so he knows exactly what I mean. "I don't care how, just do it. You can be as rough as you want with me. Do whatever you want with me. Just make me forget about my past."

"Are you sure? I don't want to hurt you." He leans down, just enough to make me think he'll kiss me.

I nod, "Yes. I don't care if you put another baby in me. I just want you."

He stares into my eyes, and suddenly, his black fur falls away, revealing this gorgeous chocolate brown skin that I hope our baby inherits. His hair falls to his chest in braids that look almost identical to Thiago's.

His eyes stay the same color. I knew panther shifters could be hot, but he looks like a fucking God. He has these four white dots across each of his cheekbones that make his features sharper, but bold.

I want to say that he had gotten shorter, but that would be a lie. "Is this okay with you?" He asks, his voice sounds deeper somehow.

I nod, "Yes."