Chapter 18: Hot Chocolate

I sat near the bonfire to dry my clothes, my plate full of food and my mind full of Emre. 

He sat across from me, the bonfire between us. This was how I always felt. He seemed to be so close but always out of my reach. The length of the flames between us making us seem close, but they created an insurmountable barrier that I knew I wouldn't ever be able to cross. 

My thoughts turned bleak, and I hastily focused on something less devastating, like Mert and Melisa. Those two gave me a good feeling. Looking at them made me feel as if there were still some good and miraculous things in life. I was glad for them. I loved happy endings, and it seemed like Mert was going to do everything in his power to make her happy. 

It was so adorable how they were both sitting a little apart from everyone, in their own bubble, even eating from the same plate.

We were all sitting in a loose circle, me near Ashton, currently the only person I could tolerate. Eric and Zayn sat on our right, Zerrin and Pelin on the left, with Emre, Mert, and Melisa in front of us. 

The night had gotten colder, and I was feeling colder and sleepier as time went on. I didn't want to stay awake right now. Since I was one of the few who hadn't taken an afternoon nap, I was done for the night.

But it seemed like I wasn't going to get my way. Pelin seemed to be revving to go. She talked the loudest, wanted us all to sing songs, took selfies with everyone except me, and had a beautiful furry jacket on that looked warm and cozy. I was so envious; I was freezing here. 

I wished there was a way I could just secretly steal away to the ship and sleep. I would've willingly swum the ocean if I hadn't been so tired and scared of the sea at night.

I gave my plate to Ashton because he was more interested in stealing my food than eating his and I was already full. The only food I'd actually enjoyed was Emre's charcoal burgers, and since I knew I probably wouldn't ever get a chance to eat them again, I'd stuffed myself full.

For his part, Emre had defied everyone, even Ashton, and placed the first burger on my plate. He'd looked at me the way he'd looked at me back at the waterfall, as if he wanted to eat me and not the food. 

I sighed, trying to get comfortable on the hard ground. 

Love makes everything complicated, and it seems Emre is a habit I will never be able to break, I thought sadly.

I shifted over and leaned back into Ashton. My eyes were getting heavy, and I could no longer support myself. I yawned hugely and looked around for a blanket to keep myself a little warm, but I couldn't find anything. 

Ashton got up to keep back our plates, and I waited for him to get back so I could pretend I was enjoying this while I took a nap on him.

I looked around at everyone noticing how Pelin seemed to be doing her best to crawl onto Eric's lap and how I didn't give a fuck. She could eat him for all I cared.

Eric met my eye and looked uncomfortable; he gave me a slight smile. I ignored it; I'd already decided I wasn't going to see him ever again after this trip.

My view of Eric was suddenly blocked by Emre coming and squatting down in front of me. He blocked out everything except himself.

"Cold?" 

Of course I was cold, anyone could see that, but still I shook my head.

He looked at me for a second, rubbed both his hands together, and then grabbed both of my own in them. My hands felt small and warm in his and I let out a contented sigh.

Ashton returned just then. He had two coffees in his hands, which I assumed were for me and him.

I let go of Emre's hands to take one of the coffees, and Emre made to get up, but Ashton stopped him with a slight shake of his head, giving him the other coffee too.

"Plenty of space here for you, big bro," Ashton sat down next to me and tilted his head, inviting him to sit down. "I'll go bring another cup."

I sipped at the coffee slowly and realized it was hot chocolate. I smiled, looking down at the cup.

"It's hot chocolate," I grinned.

"Mine isn't, it's just coffee." He looked down at his own cup, clearly offended that Ashton had gotten him coffee.

I laughed out loud.

"Give me a sip?"

"Not even on your life..." 

"Maybe I should just kiss you to see how it tastes," he looked at my lips.

I almost choked on my next sip and looked at his face.

He looked serious, his eyes glittering. 

"You could taste my coffee, I could taste you..." he continued.

My eyes moved to his lips. I was tempted.

Oh God, I thought. "You wouldn't, and these are all YOUR friends."

He shrugged, "I've never cared about anyone but you."

This made me angry, "Shame, you didn't remember this back then."

"I made a mistake, okay? People do."

"You could've come back, you could've apologized."

"Everyone isn't as perfect as you. I needed time."

"What do you want from me now?"

"Kids, kids, settle down," Ashton came and sat next to me, and I realized that we had gotten too close during our conversation. It would take just a little movement from me or him for us to be kissing each other.

I jerked back and took a sip from my cup, my mind still on his words.

I wondered what it would taste like, mixing coffee, hot chocolate, and Emre together. 

Delicious.