Chapter 66 The first use

Chapter 66 The first use

"I don't know."

"Freya is carrying your child. Your heir. The court will expect you to acknowledge it. To protect it. To give it a place in the succession."

"I know."

"And Elowyn will use it against me. She'll use it to drive a wedge between us. She'll use it to remind the court that I am not the mother of your heir. That our marriage has produced nothing!"

"I know." Cardan crossed the room and stood behind me. His hands hovered over my shoulders, hesitant. "But none of that changes how I feel about you. You are still my wife. My queen."

"You loved her once."

"A long time ago. Before I knew what love really was." He touched my shoulder. "Nyx, please. Look at me."

I turned. His silver eyes were bright with unshed tears. His face was open and raw and more vulnerable than I had ever seen it.

"I can't turn her away," he said. "If Freya is carrying my child, I have a responsibility to that child. I have to ensure its safety. Its future. I won't abandon an innocent life because of the circumstances of its conception."

"Even if it costs you your marriage?"

"Even then. But I'm hoping it won't." He cupped my face in his hands. "I'm hoping you'll stay. I'm hoping we can find a way through this together."

"Together. With Freya living in the palace. With Elowyn gloating every time she sees me. With the court whispering about the barren Queen who couldn't give the King an heir."

"You're not barren. We haven't even tried."

"We've been trying for weeks. I have been taking every stupid potion that Cressida has sent to me."

"But it takes time. Fae conception takes a very long time." His thumbs traced my cheekbones. "Nyx, I love you. I chose you. I will always choose you. But I can't turn my back on my child."

I closed my eyes. "You want her to stay. Here. In the palace."

"In a separate wing. With her own servants. Her own physicians. You won't have to see her. You won't have to interact with her at all. I'll keep her as far from you as possible."

"And after the child is born? What then?"

"Then we decide. Together. What happens to Freya. What role the child plays in our lives. Everything." He pressed his forehead to mine. "But I need you to stay. Please, Nyx. Don't leave me. Not now."

I thought of everything we had survived. The silence. The lies. Elowyn's schemes. The purification ritual. The northern battles. We had come so far, so much further than I had ever imagined possible.

But this?

This felt like a wound that might never heal.

"I need time," I said. "To think. To process. I'm not leaving you. Not yet. But I need space."

"How much space?"

"I don't know." I stepped back, out of his embrace. "But I'll come back. When I'm ready."

"Nyx..."

"I promise, Cardan. I'll come back."

I left him standing in his chambers, the Nightbloom pulsing softly behind him, and I walked through the darkened palace until I reached my own quarters.

The obsidian pendant was warm against my chest.

Three wishes. Three escapes.

It was time to use the first.

\-————————————

The portal opened in the heart of the Abyssal Ridge.

I stepped through into eternal twilight, into the violet sky and the bone-spires of Nyxara and the cool, familiar darkness that had cradled me since birth. The air smelled of obsidian dust and night-blooming jasmine. The shadows welcomed me like an old friend.

Welcome home, they whispered. Welcome home.

I stood on the Obsidian Balcony of the Palace of Ten Thousand Shadows and breathed.

Maz found me within the hour.

He didn't ask how I had come. He didn't ask what was wrong. He took one look at my face, wrapped me in his arms, and held me while I shattered.

"She's with child," I said, when I could finally speak. "Lady Freya. She's carrying Cardan's child."

Maz went very still. "When?"

"Before we were married. Before we were real. She's four months along. Elowyn knew. She brought Freya back to the palace specifically to..." My voice broke. "He wants her to stay. Cardan. He wants to keep her in the palace. For the sake of the child."

"And what do you want?"

"I don't know. I don't know what I want. I love him. I know I do. But the thought of watching her grow round with his child, watching the court fawn over the heir she gives him while I..." I pressed my hand to my own flat stomach. "I don't know if I can do it, Maz. I don't know if I'm strong enough."

"Then stay." He pulled back and looked at me, his violet eyes fierce. "Stay here. In Hel. Let him deal with his mistress and his scheming sister and his bastard child. You don't owe him anything."

"But he's my husband. I made vows."

"You made vows under duress. The Oath forced you together."

"The Oath brought us together. But I chose to stay. I chose to love him. That wasn't the Oath. That was me." I wiped my eyes. "I just need time. Time to think. Time to breathe. Can I stay here for a while?"

"This is your home. You can stay as long as you want. Forever, if you need to." Maz took my hand. "Come on. Let's get you inside. Vesper will fuss over you, and Eris will pretend not to be angry about the whole thing, and Grandmother Silk will say something cryptic about your fate-line. It'll be like you never left."

\------------------------------

I slept poorly that first night back in Hel.

The bed in my old chambers was softer than I remembered, or perhaps I had grown accustomed to the hard Aurelian mattresses. The familiar violet darkness pressed against the windows, and the distant chime of the bone-spire bells marked the hours, but sleep would not come. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw Freya's hands resting on her stomach. I saw Elowyn's triumphant smile. I saw Cardan's silver eyes, desperate and pleading.

I can't turn my back on an innocent child.

I understood. I did. But understanding did nothing to ease the ache in my chest.

Eventually, exhaustion claimed me. My dreams were fragmented and strange, flashes of the northern mountains, the Umbral Host pouring from cracks in the earth, Elowyn laughing as shadows consumed the world. I woke with a gasp, my heart pounding, my shadows coiled defensively around the bed.

The room was quiet. The violet sky outside the window had barely lightened. I had slept perhaps four hours.

"My Princess."

The familiar chittering voice came from the doorway. Vesper stood there, her compound eyes shimmering with concern, her moth-wings folded against her back. She was carrying a tray laden with shadow-cakes and steaming tea.

"You are awake," she said, scuttling into the room. "I hoped you would sleep longer. You look terrible."

"Thank you, Vesper. Your flattery is as overwhelming as ever."

"I do not flatter. I state facts." She set the tray on my bedside table and began fussing with my pillows, my blankets, my hair. "You are too thin. Too pale. There are shadows under your eyes that have nothing to do with magic. What have those golden fools done to you?"

"It's a long story."

"I have time."

So I told her. Everything. The northern battles and the Umbral Host. The dinner where Freya had announced her pregnancy. Elowyn's triumphant smile. Cardan's desperate plea for me to stay.

Vesper listened in silence. When I finished, her wings were trembling with barely contained fury.

"The golden king," she said, her voice dangerously quiet. "I told you he was unworthy of you. I told you from the beginning."

"You also told me he would come to appreciate me. And he has."

"Not enough. Not if he keeps his whore in the palace while you..."