Chapter 48: NOTHING IS GREY

“How did it go?" The question hit me the second I stepped through the garage doors.

I looked up to find Jax waiting near the workbench, arms crossed over his chest, looking like he had been pacing holes into the concrete floor for the last two hours.

"Should have figured you'd still be here,” I muttered, letting out a sigh. “You worry too much."

"Are you okay?" He asked, ignoring my grumbling.

I tossed my keys onto the hook by the stairs and started walking toward the stairs. "I'm here, aren't I?" I said lightly, shrugging. "Of course I'm okay."

"You know that's not what I meant." He said, his voice sounding exasperated.

I stopped halfway up the first step and glanced back at him.

The concern on his face was genuine. And for a second, guilt pinched at my chest.

I had promised old Sienna I’d treat her people well. Plus, Jax was just being his usual mama bear.

"Honestly", I said, giving him a small smile. “I’m fine, Jax. zero scratch on me too."

His eyes narrowed. "Why then did you look so frazzled when you came in?"

I raised an eyebrow at his words. "Frazzled?" I repeated. "Are you trying to say I can't handle a simple meeting?"

Jax winced slightly, his hands coming up in a defensive gesture. "Oh come on, you know that's not what I meant." He said, shaking his head at me.

He rubbed the back of his neck and adjusted his posture. "Just give it to me straight. Did we get the job?"

"Well," I said, leaning back against the cold metal of the stairs bannister, the silk of my dress sliding against my thighs. "I think we got it."

A faint feeling of heat tingled in my chest when I saw his eyes slide to my exposed thighs before quickly going back to my face.

Then his eyes narrowed as if his brain just grasped what I had said. "You think?"

"Yeah. He kind of... well, in the end, it was a little iffy," I muttered, my mind flashing back to the rage in Kanan’s eyes when I brought up Elena. "But from the way things ended, I think I impressed him enough."

"I really don't like the way you keep saying 'I think,' Si," Jax growled, the worry returning to his tone with a vengeance.

“Well, I keep saying it because I don't know what is going on inside the man's head, Jax." I hissed, my tone snarky.

His eyes narrowed. “Why are you so testy?" He muttered, his eyes searching my face as if trying to read me. “Did something happen there?”

I chuckled and forced myself to calm down, refusing to give him anything more to chew on.

My nerve endings were still too raw after having to smile and converse with my own fucking murder.

“I’m tired. That’s all.” I picked up my clutch and started climbing the stairs again.

"What if we actually got the job, Si?" Jax asked before I had climbed two more stairs.

His voice was quiet this time, carrying a heavy weight that stopped my feet on the third step.

I turned my head slowly, gripping the iron railing. “Why do you say it like that when it’s a good thing?”

He met my eyes, his face serious. "I mean... if this works." He replied, his jaw tightened. "We're literally going to be hunting ourselves."

The words hung heavily between us.

"Maddox wants us to find the people behind the attacks,” he continued, his voice grave. “And that's us."

I shrugged nonchalantly. "So?"

"So?" he repeated incredulously.

I folded my arms. "If he finds out there's nobody there, we'll deal with it."

"Deal with it how?"

I tilted my head back, looking up at the high ceiling of the garage. "You worry too much,” I whined before looking back at him. “If he finds out there is nobody there, we can just easily say the culprits pulled back."

His expression darkened. "And if that doesn't work?"

I sighed. “We can very easily find other culprits to give him.”

His eyes widened once he realized what my plan was. "No," he hissed, his voice firm. "I can’t believe you're planning to frame somebody else."

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, come on."

"Seriously, Si?"

I threw my hands up. "Why are you acting like we're discussing church ethics?"

His face hardened. "Because it matters."

I laughed. "Does it? There are literally so many terrible people that deserve to be pruned in this world of ours." I shrugged. “Framing them would be doing the environment a lot of good.”

He stared at me as if he suddenly couldn’t recognize who was standing in front of him. "What is this really about?"

I froze, the question catching me off guard. "How?"

"Is it money?" He asked, squinting at me. "Because you've never been this obsessed with money before."

My jaw tightened. "Money is important."

"It is,” he agreed.  “But it hasn’t been your drive the way it is now."

I looked away. "

A sudden, sharp irritation flared in my chest. “Maybe people change." I snapped. Then a feeling of bone-deep weariness enveloped me. I was too raw to have to start making sure my new identity didn’t slip.

“You know what?” I said, waving dismissively. “I’m tired.”

“You can’t go about deciding who needs to be pruned or not,” He said, his voice low and firm. “Nothing is black and white. We can’t just condemn someone as evil because of some actions they did.”

A sudden, violent memory rushed through my mind. I remembered the pitch-black void in Kanan’s eyes right before the loud bang shattered my life.

There was no grey in the blood that had pooled on those hardwood floors.

There was no grey in the death of my family. It was fucking black and white.

"I really do not have the energy for this conversation," I whispered, the fight completely draining out of me.

I turned away from his piercing stare, hurried up the remaining steps, and walked into my loft, slamming the door shut behind me.

I didn't turn on the lights, wash the makeup off my face, or even take off my dress.

The only thing I managed to do was kick off my strappy heels, letting them clatter against the floor before I threw myself onto the mattress.

I lay flat on my back, staring up at the cracked, shadowy ceiling while the muffled sound of the city hummed outside.

My mind was a chaotic, spiraling mess. Kanan’s voice kept echoing in the quiet room, low and raspy, vibrating right through my skin. The scent of his perfume still seemed to linger in my nose, thick and cloying, making my chest tighten with a suffocating mix of hatred and a treacherous, lingering warmth.

I shook my head violently against the pillow, trying to clear the fog.

I have finally gotten my first major breakthrough that makes it possible for me to move forward with everything.

“Victim of circumstances. Wrong place, wrong time kind of situation, uhn?” I muttered into the silence, repeating the words Kanan had used when talking about the old me. My jaw clenched so hard it ached. “Fucking bastard.”

The memory made a fresh wave of absolute fury shoot through my veins. He had said it so lightly. He had dismissed the brutal massacre of my father, my family, and my unborn child as if it were a simple bank robbery gone wrong. He spoke about it as if he hadn't been the one holding the gun.

I steeled my heart, forcing my breathing to steady as I stared into the dark.

I’ll first destroy that wealth he treasures so much. Then, put a bullet between his eyes the same way he did to me.