Chapter 140: |23| Creste di Gallo-2

"The whole point of a bucket list, or a list in general, is that it contains things that need to be crossed off. So, by making this Bucket List 2.0, the items here automatically require attention. You can't ignore them and do your own thing. You have to stick to the list." I rolled my eyes. "I've told you I'll get 'round to the Skype sex—" "I'm not talking about the Skype sex," she said, rolling her own eyes in return. "Let me think of an example. Tell me something you and Nathan struggle with or are prone to arguing about." It didn't take long to think of one. The nagging worries still existed in the back of my mind, ready to present themselves at the first sense of doubt. Talking it all through with Jasmine felt anxiety-inducing at first, as though I was reliving all the pain from the past few months. After a while, however, that anxiety faded away, replaced by a sense of calm and positivity, like we were tackling it together rather than me going through it alone. We'd filled the first page of A4 when my phone pinged, illuminating with a message from Nathan. Only the first few lines of the message displayed on the preview, but it was all I needed. Just come out of the meeting. I'm afraid it's bad news. Can I call you when... I took a deep breath, counted to three in my head and then turned the phone onto its front to hide the message. Before I spoke to him, I needed to rationalise everything and come to terms with it. The last thing either of us needed was another emotion-fuelled argument. "You okay?" Jasmine asked. Taking the pen from her, I pulled the paper closer. "Let's carry on." ❆ Nathan didn't answer my Skype call on the first or second attempt. I referred to the Bucket List 2.0 sheet in front of me. Using one of Jasmine's bright pink highlighters, I'd underlined Point 3: APPROACH UPSETTING OR FRUSTRATING EVENTS WITH A DIFFERENT ATTITUDE I'd singled that one out in particular because it struck a chord with me for two reasons. Firstly, the way I'd tackled situations pre-Christmas obviously hadn't worked that well because we'd both ended up hurt and angry. Regardless of whether I felt justified reacting the way I did, it made no sense to continue a circle of painful behaviour when neither of us had benefitted from it. Secondly, there were two people in this relationship, and that fact had been something I'd only ever emphasised when it suited me: I'm the one living away from my friends and family. You're my boyfriend and need to communicate better with me. I'm the one in an unfamiliar country. You've got it easy in England and need to support me. I'm the one whose day-to-day lifestyle has changed. Everything is the same for you and so I need supporting. Whilst that may be true, I needed to take a step back from that attitude. Nathan knew all that. We'd spoken about it, argued over it and fought until it ended in tears. But it wasn't just about me. I might have it harder, but that didn't necessarily mean he had it easy. There were two people in this relationship. We needed to help each other. When my Skype began to ring, I accepted the call almost immediately, finding myself faced with an empty chair. A few seconds later, Nathan leant in front of the camera, his hair damp and skin glistening. "Sorry, Bella," he said, seeming out of breath. "Just got back from the gym. I'll take a quick shower and call you back?" His words barely registered. For a moment, I was no longer in Italy. I was in our flat, beneath his body as he panted and groaned. "Bella? Can you hear me? Fuck's sake. This laptop is a piece of shit..." He began fiddling with something away from the camera, his bicep blocking my view of his body. I cleared my throat. "Sorry. I can hear you. I was just...caught off-guard." He chuckled and lowered himself into the chair, raising an eyebrow at me as the rest of his body came into view again. "In a good way or bad?" "Definitely good. I think your shower can wait. Unless you'd rather—" "It can wait." I smiled. Any anger or frustrations I'd felt earlier faded away, replaced with love and lust instead. He might have been on the other side of a laptop screen, but the connection and chemistry felt just as real as if he were here in person. My eyes flickered back to the Bucket List. "How was the gym?" I asked as I watched him chug back some water. "Intense. Needed to blow off some steam." "You're disappointed with the meeting?" "Of course I'm disappointed. I just thought after everything we went through, we deserved this." "Did they tell you why?" He nodded and reached to sweep his hair away from his eyes. Maybe it was my new attitude, but Nathan genuinely seemed upset that he wouldn't be moving to Italy. And that distracted me from my own feelings about the situation. "They didn't rule it out," he said, "but they did say it would take several months to get approved by the board, make the necessary logistical arrangements et cetera. At the very earliest, it would probably be May by the time everything was authorised, and then June by the time I was ready to move there. The minimum placement time is three months so, yeah, it doesn't work out." Despite the situation, I chuckled. "Yeah, not unless we then want to do long-distance over the summer, too. Swap positions with me living in England and you in Italy?" He smiled. "You're not upset?" "Well, I'm not happy about it, obviously. But it was a long shot, Nathan. Our worst three months are behind us now. We just need to look forwards." The optimistic words felt foreign on my tongue. This placement could have been our lifeline. We would have been in the same country, Nathan away from Marie and the bad influence of his colleagues. But it wasn't meant to be. Dwelling on it would serve no purpose in the long-run. I needed to take my own advice and look forwards. So, I did. I looked at my disheartened boyfriend in the screen and I told him I loved him. He perked up, smiling and returning the words. If we were together in person, we'd cuddle and kiss, taking comfort in each other. I'd expected the next words that tumbled out of my mouth to feel awkward and forced. But they didn't. Locked into a conversation with Nathan, with the magic of Skype hiding the fact we were one thousand miles apart, I was at ease, the chat natural. "If you really did work so hard at the gym, then you're probably dying to take your sweaty top off." Even through the video, I could see the hint of amusement that flickered in Nathan's eyes as he leaned back in his chair and folded his hands behind his head. The muscles in his arms rippled, his pecs straining against the thin fabric of his top. "If you were here with me, then yours would already be off." For the rest of the evening, Nathan's bad news and my fears over repeated mistakes dissolved into nothingness as we dipped our toes into a new world and explored a side to our relationship that had previously been left untouched. Three years down the line, it was nice to still have some firsts. ❆❆❆