Chapter 39: Chapter 39: I Have To Be

Aliana Slate's POV:

"I have to be," I said as I looked over my shoulder at Sebastian, who had started to relax his grip. His arms were still wrapped around me, as I still held my hands tucked up into my chest. "I don't have a choice."

I could tell that Sebastian nodded in agreement, as if he could understand why I said that. I don't know what came over me. Suddenly, I was in denial of what he thought. How? How could he understand that? I didn't understand how he could possibly know what I had been through enough to understand that I didn't have a choice but to be okay.

I needed to give him some credit. He was the one who stood up for me, after all. I lowered my shoulders, as I could tell Sebastian brought his head closer to the side of mine as another thought came to mind. I knew he had to understand the fact that I needed to be strong. I didn't have a choice other than to be okay, and if by that, I meant by me being strong. Well, as strong as I could be, considering everything I went through over the past decade.

As I raised my head up again, I slowly started to look around at the accommodations I now had in my bathroom suite. In that moment, I had to slow my thoughts. I had to slow them down before I lost my mind. This was nothing like what I had before.

I took in a deep breath, holding it for a moment before I lightly blew it out. I had to slow my mind before I completely came unglued with everything I saw before me.

"Now that you've had a chance to look around, are you ready to take a bath?" Sebastian asked as his head was placed right next to mine.

I was so shocked by the sound of his words that I nearly turned into him at that moment, causing our heads to collide, and then I reached up to rub the side of my face.

"Here, if you will allow me," Sebastian said at that moment, as he spoke to me, his arms right up against his stone-hard chest again. "I do think a bath would be a better option. Other than your unexpected swim in the drink this morning, this is more relaxed, and you don't have to use strength and effort to remain standing while you wash."

As he carried me over to a large ceramic clawfoot bathtub, just outside there was a small bench. It was placed literally just outside the clawfoot bathtub.

"Sit here, and I will show you how this works," Sebastian said as he pulled the bench back away with his split before placing me down on top of the small bench.

I swallowed when he finally released his grip on me. Suddenly, it was like I felt cold. I no longer felt the warmth of his scan pressed up against mine, despite the fact that he was fully dressed. The items that I was wearing... It almost felt like cardboard.

"You see this?" Sebastian called out to me. "There are two handles here. One turns on and off the hot water, while the other one turns on and off the cold water. Do you see?"

Sebastian was very patient with me. I don't understand how somebody could possibly be so patient with someone who didn't understand a lot about anything, but no matter what he was. I was not used to that for certain.

"Now, all you do is turn on the hot, and use your hand to test the temperature of the water," Sebastian said, doing just as he had mentioned. "Don't leave your hand on the hot water too long. It will get hot enough to burn. Immediately turn on the cold water. You can turn the hot handle higher or lower to adjust the temperature setting as you again begin to feel the flowing water from the tap."

I watched everything that he was doing as he adjusted the knobs on the hot and cold water, repeatedly putting his hand back in the flowing water from the faucet. He did that several times until he grabbed a small chain and placed it in the hole in the bottom of the clawfoot bathtub. Only then did I finally see the water start to collect in the bottom and slowly raise the level.

"Now I need to find you something to be able to watch yourself with," Sebastian said as he stood up to his feet and walked away to the counter where the sink was located. There was a tall cabinet beside the sink. He opened one of the doors and looked inside before he reached in and pulled out a bottle. "I do believe this will do."

When Sebastian walked back, he held a small bottle in his hand with pink colored liquid. I wasn't exactly sure what it was, as I had never seen soap like that before. The only thing I was allowed to use was a small, broken sliver of a bar of soap, and I had to use it all the way before I was even allowed another one.

I didn't understand. If the man who took me required me to stay clean, why did they only give me a small piece of soap every time, telling me I had to use it all before I was allowed another?

"Would you like to smell this?" Sebastian asked as he walked up to stand in front of me. "It smells like roses."

Sebastian said as he popped the top on the squeeze bottle and lightly squeezed it fast in his hand, tightening and loosening his grip over and over as I could hear air going in and out of the bottle. He even closed his eyes whenever I watched him take in a breath of the fragrance from the small bottle he held in his hand.

"That does smell pretty nice," Sebastian said, opening his eyes as he reached the bottle out towards me. "Are you ready to get in now?"

I looked down at the items that I was wearing. Before, I was only given that one pullover piece of cloth that I had to stitch along the sides myself. I was told I didn't deserve anything other than something that I had to make. I wasn't even allowed actual clothes before. So I was confused by what I left the hospital in, as this was nothing like what I had.

Whenever I looked up at Sebastian that time, I nodded my head.

"Very good," Sebastian said in response, his tone rather soft. "Now, I'm going to ask you something that I don't want you to get upset with." I looked up at him this time, before breaking eye contact and nodding again as I looked out at my lap, still sitting there on the bench. "Do you need assistance in getting in?"

My eyes went wide as I forced my gaze to remain downward. I didn't want a repeat of my past experiences. Suddenly, tears filled my eyes.