Chapter 456: Anxiety Pt 1

AMELIA

I can't stop chewing my thumbnail.

I force myself to put my hand down. I'm in agony; I don't know what to do and I'm running out of time. I'm supposed to be meeting Ash tonight. This was supposed to end it all, according to Devon, but he let Ethan go so what happens now? The only reason why I'm agreeing to everything is because of him. It isn't, but that's what Ash thinks. Am I still expected to show up? Why would he do this?

I can't figure it out.

I wish I had a way of contacting Devon to let him know that everything went to shit, but I don't have his number. I don't know where he's currently residing. I don't think I'll be seeing him anytime soon; tonight, maybe but not earlier. In the meantime, what do I do? I can't ask anyone's advice. My family is against me entirely. Theo probably thinks that our negotiations with Ash have come to an abrupt end, but she doesn't know half of it. I'm planning on killing him once and for all, I made a promise to myself that I would.

For Damien.

I have a tiny bit of Scotch and lean back in Damien's chair. I no longer feel invincible just by sitting here. It's not the chair, it never was. A wrong move at a time like this could ruin everything. I've come too far to turn back now. Something has to be done, a decision needs to be made. If only I could read Ash's mind and figure out what he's thinking.

Does he expect me to show up or not?

What would this new Amelia do? Would she cower behind the walls of The Lounge and wait for him to strike first? Would she go to him and show him that him releasing Ethan means nothing to her because she always keeps her word? I put the glass down and groan. I don't have much time left, I've got to think fast.

The door opens and Theo rushes in. We haven't talked about what happened last night. We didn't talk about the dinner and we didn't talk about Ethan. I was tired so I left her at the hospital with Penelope. I didn't look at Penelope as I left even though she was trying to talk to me. Again, I have nothing to say to her. She betrayed our trust when we needed her most. Theo might forgive her for it, but not me.

I admired her once, I'll admit that. She was always so hardworking and dedicated to Damien. I wanted to be her friend, but there was always something about the way she looked at me that made me falter. At times, I sensed that she judged me for the being a spy, for working with Damien's enemies. She didn't let me in, that's the truth. She didn't want to be my friend.

We'll never be friends and I've come to terms with that.

When I woke up this morning, Theo wasn't at the apartment. I don't think she slept in. I didn't give her a call, though. There's a lot on my mind for that. We already had a small fight before I left to meet Ash, so what more could we say to each other?

Now she's here. I can't read her expression precisely, all I know is that it isn't pleasant. She didn't sleep, that's evident, but there's something else.

"Good morning," she tells me, and I say it back. "Are you too busy? There's something I want to talk to you about."

"I'm all ears."

"I just got a call," she tells me. I know I won't like what she has to say to me, at all. "It's the council. They heard about the dinner. They told me that it's all off. We're out. They're not willing to support us anymore."

So she heard about it as well? I try not to be offended by the fact that she didn't ask me personally, that she chose to listen to strangers instead. I ignore this because none of us are feeling our best and that she disagreed with me on this, but it stings. She's judging me with her eyes too, which I don't get at all, but again, I ignore it. It's not like I'm doing this for me. I'm doing this for all of us.

About the council, I didn't think they'd hear of this so soon, but I can't say I'm speechless. This isn't baffling, not in the slightest. I saw this coming. It's what Ash wanted when he invited me, I see that now. He wanted me to get everyone talking so that I'd lose all my support, to depend solely on him. It's genius, I have to admit. "Anything else?"

She frowns. "Are you serious?"

"What do you want me to say?" I ask her, aggressively. I'm having a hard time containing my anger at the moment. "I knew this was going to happen, Theo. I knew what I was doing when I went to dinner with him. If you had asked me about it, I would've told you. But you didn't."

"You knew they'd do this?" she asks, ignoring what I said last. "You do realize that we no longer need to associate ourselves with him, right? Now that we have Ethan, we're going to need the council. We can't stop Ash Rockford on our own. He's being backed up by the Huntingtons, you know that as well as I do."

"I know," I tell her, sitting up straighter. I'm angry at her and at Ethan and at everything. It's swelling inside of me like a drop of water on the tip of a tap. It's big and heavy and I'm afraid of what might happen if it just...drips. It doesn't, though. It just sits there, waiting, biding it's time. This is what I feared. The walls are beginning to close in on me and I'm left without a choice. I'll have to go to Ash tonight. It's either that or we'll risk losing everything. I know he has a plan, and I know it's good. "We won't need their help." I should've rephrased that statement, but it's too late for that now. It's not we, it's I. I won't need their help.