Chapter 32
**Amanda Hank**:
I wake up feeling very weak. My head hurts and I feel an immense desire not to get out of bed.
I check the time on my phone and my eyebrows furrow when I see that it's only five in the morning.
I get out of bed as best I can and head to the bathroom.
I looked in the mirror for a few seconds and made the decision to take a bath. Maybe then my head will stop hurting.
I undress in front of the mirror, allowing me to see the marks on my body. I don't have to think much, my master's name comes to mind.
I admit that I like them. My body looks nice with the marks.
Far from feeling annoyed, I outline them with my fingers for a while until I get bored and get into the shower.
I take my time to bathe.
There is a war in my mind. Especially after hearing about the dinner-picnic my dad and John are hosting.
My mother died before I was two years old. I don't know much about her but that doesn't take away from the fact that I respect her and a part of me misses her all the time.
My father always told me about her, he told me the story of their love, how my grandparents didn't want him as their son-in-law and how they got married secretly to disappear for a while.
I always found it funny that my grandparents had to learn to love him, since my mom didn't want to leave her then-husband. What's more, my mother threatened to stop being their daughter and not take the CEO position in the company.
My grandparents learned to love my father. Since they did not want to lose their heir and be part of their daughter's life.
Luckily, everything turned out well. After five years of marriage, my mother became pregnant with me and my grandparents were very happy.
They were part of my life too.
From what I know, my father went through a dark period after my mother died.
My grandparents decided to take a little control over me so that my father could grieve until he felt ready to take care of me.
Until I was four years old, my grandparents took care of me. At the same time, my father started therapy and can have me again to be my sole guardian.
I miss my grandparents. The truth is I will always thank you for being a great support in my life.
They taught me great things and gave me more than I could offer them as their granddaughter.
After all, I still have a chance to honor them.
When I turn 25, their and Mom's company will pass into my name. But first I must be ready to take that position.
That is why from the beginning I have looked for a job and I have taken care of entering a university that supports my business knowledge.
John would say I'm full of surprises.
That's right, in three years John and I will be partners. But I won't tell you anything about it, I prefer to keep this with my father. Only he and I know what was stipulated in Mom's will.
I finish bathing, get ready a little, take my cell phone and go downstairs to get something for breakfast.
My head continues to hurt, so I also look for something to make it go away.
When she got to the kitchen, I almost died of shock when I saw my father's new employee.
“Good morning, miss… Have I scared you?” He asks me when I put a hand to my mouth.
“Good morning, Alice. If I'm honest, a little." I tell him before pouring myself some water.
“I'm sorry, do you want me to serve you something for breakfast?”
"Oh sure. I would appreciate it." I smiled at her before opening the door to look for the medicine cabinet, but not finding it in its place, i asked her, “Just in case, have you seen Dad's medicine cabinet?”
“I think it's in his father's study... A few days ago he took it there, do you want me to look for it for you?”
“No, calm down, don't worry, I'll go for that. “
I head to Dad's study and enter without knocking.
Everything is the same as when I moved. It feels strange, it's like going back in time.
I find the first aid kit on the desk and rush to look for something for this unbearable discomfort.
I found ibuprofen and it didn't take me long to take one.
While I wait for the pill to take effect, I see the amount of papers on the table.
I am in charge of arranging all the mess a little and I can't help but read something that maybe I shouldn't have read.
They are medical certificates. The handwriting is clear and I recognize it, it is the handwriting of the family doctor.
The certificates say that my father must be under maximum care due to heart problems and urinary incontinence. You should attend a doctor's consultation every Thursday and avoid making as much effort as possible.
Suddenly I feel an emptiness in my chest.
Why didn't he ever tell me about this? Was he going to be so selfish as to not tell me anything and act like he had no health problems?
I don't want to blame him, but I feel excluded from my father's life.
Well, maybe it's my fault. Because of work and university, I haven't even been able to see him, and now I'm adding John. I have hardly visited it.
I am a terrible daughter...
I'm a stupid.
I don't deserve a father like him.
I leave the studio and return to the kitchen. Alice has already prepared breakfast, so I prepare to eat breakfast, trying to ignore this emptiness in my chest.
Now more than ever I know that my father is getting old and that I must keep him closer than ever.
Although that kills me with stress and leaves me without time for myself, I must visit it more, it is a promise.
After a while, my father comes down and sits next to me.
“Good morning, beautiful. How did you sleep?" he asks me.
"Very well and you?"
“Wonderful” Alice serves my father breakfast and he thanks her before she disappears.
“How long ago did you hire Alice?” I ask him.
“A few weeks ago, it was a recommendation from the next-door neighbor. Since she couldn't continue paying her, she recommended her to me and I thought it was a nice help to have her here. It would make the house not feel so empty.” he answers me.
My heart tightens in a way that makes me feel like crying.
“Oh, do you feel like the house is too big for you? Do you feel… lonely?” My voice sounds hurt, and certainly, I feel a little bad for not being at my father's disposal.
“Precious, I didn't say that. It's just that an old man like me sometimes needs a little help. Plus, it was like doing Alice a favor, she needed to have a job.” He says “Don't feel bad, precious, if it were bad, you would be the first to know.”
"You promise?" I ask, “Do you promise to tell me if you ever feel bad?”
I watch as his smile falters and he manages to smile before nodding his head.
“Of course, beautiful, why would I lie to you?”
I can't believe how boldly he dares to lie to me.
I feel a lump in my throat as I drink some tea.
I want to cry, because I know he's lying to me.
What right do I even have to feel this way? I'm also hiding from him that I'm sleeping with his best friend.
And to top it all off, his best friend caught me in a cabin in the middle of nowhere hours to come here for dinner and lie even more to his face.
God, I'm a living shit.
“How about we go for a walk, Dad?” I ask him after finishing breakfast.
“Oh, I would like that. I've heard about a craft fair, maybe we could go there. I also saw an advertisement for a fireworks show, what do you think?” The enthusiasm with which he speaks makes me feel as if I have never been with him.
But I swallow my discomfort just for him. Because he deserves to have a good daughter, not a shit like me.
“Wherever you want to go, me too, dad.”
"Oh, how cute. So, it's already been said.”
I finish eating and talk again.
“By the way, about the picnic dinner…”
“What's up with that, honey? Don't you like the idea?”
“It's not that, I think it's a great idea. And I wanted to tell you that I will be present.”
“Two good news in less than an hour, it's a fun way to start the day right.” He says, giving me a smile.
“Was it your idea?”
“Partly yes, and I was just thinking of having dinner with friends and John suggested I do something more striking for the twenty years since his death. I think that's why I accepted, your mom always liked flashy things.” He responds, “That's why he likes me.” He winks at me and I smile.
“It was a great idea then.”
****