Chapter 79: 80

Maybe I was delusional this entire time- I don't know what I was ever thinking. I should've never gotten carried away with my desires and just kept my head straight.

But I couldn't help it.

He is so magnetic, electric even- he left me feeling things that I never felt before and it almost makes me angry. I didn't ask for this, I didn't ask for any of this. He drugged me, tied me up in his car, brought me to his underground society and made me become his slave. As much as that all sucked, I made peace with it. I realized that this was my life now and I had no choice but to live with it.

Then he made things harder, he made me feel things for him. I didn't want to feel these things- I knew that it was going to make everything complicated but it was inevitable, it happened before I even realized.

I never thought my kidnapper was going to be so charming- charming in such a twisted way. I got to learn more about Harry Styles more then most people ever have. I watched him turn from a cold hearted monster to a soft brilliant man with a gorgeous smile. I got to see him for who he really is and not what he portrays himself to be.

I let him make me feel this way, it's no ones fault but my own. I let him kiss me for the first time, I let him care for me when I was hurt or injured, I let him wrap his arms around me in comfort and I let him be the person to rely on for my safety.

And because I let him do all these things, I'm left broken and confused on my bed; wishing it all never happened.

Its 10:30 in the morning and I heard Harry leave over an hour ago. He hasn't shared a word with me since last night, and usually he pops his head in my room right before he leaves every morning. I know he's mad at me, I don't blame him. He felt threatened when I confronted him like that. I practically accused him of using me, but I didn't mean too. I let my mind step in rather then my heart. I was being over cautious.

I finally decide to get out of bed and leave my room. I've been awake for a few hours now but have neglected to move because I just have no motivation- not after last night.

I walk out of my room and shuffle down the quiet cold hallway. I keep my arms crossed over my stomach while walking my bare feet across the dark oak floors and walk down the stairs. He must have left me a note, he always leaves me a note in the kitchen to tell me when he's going to be back.

I walk to the kitchen and see no note sitting on the marble counter top. Wow he must be really angry. Even if I don't have any chores to do he'll still leave a note, telling me when he's gonna be home.

I huff and walk to the fridge. I open it up and scan the shelves for anything to snack on but I honestly don't have much of an appetite. I shut the stainless steel fridge and turn to the bowl of fruit- grabbing an apple and immediately biting into it.

"If I'm just your kidnapper then why are you in my bed every night?"

His words repeat in my head like a broken record, making me crazy. He said that with such hurt and anger mixed in his eyes, reminding me of the Harry I first met; cold and dark.

He wanted to hurt my feelings, he wanted me to feel pathetic for sleeping in his bed every night with him. He was the one pulling me into his room at night, wanting me to lay with him and it just became a habit. Now he just insists on throw it back in my face and try to make me feel stupid for letting it happen.

So maybe I was right to feel a bit used for anything physical. He was so quick to turn on me when I asked him a simple question, he probably knew I was onto him.

I just feel distraught. I need to not think about it for a while and deal with it when he comes home in a angry screaming fit.

I got back upstairs with my apple in my hand, walking back to my bed and grabbing the book off my bedside table.

The Catcher in the Rye.

The book Harry suggested for me. Part of me doesn't even want to read it because of him, but I already started and it was too good, different, but good.

It's really all about a teenager named Holden Caulfield and his everyday life. Their isn't really a plot, it's just basically about his life so far. He goes to a boarding school and drops out because of his grades and just slums in the street- doing different things. He doesn't feel an need to go or do anything- he simply lives life one day at a time.

He really doesn't like people. He thinks they're all phoneys and doesn't really care about much. He's alone all the time but isn't bothered by it. He says he doesn't need anyone and he just prefers living life on his own.

/Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody./

I read the old worn pages of the book that just reminds me of Harry. Holden and Harry have astonishing similarities- it makes me understand why he likes this book so much. It's almost like the author knew Harry and he wrote a book about him, just changing the name.

Holden Caulfield and Harry Styles share very similar personality traits.

They both are very closed off.

They both despise people.

They both are quite smart but don't show it to others.

And they are both afraid to let others in their life, even though they won't admit it.

All of these astonishing similarities just makes this book harder to read because I don't even picture Holden Caulfield in my head anymore, I just think of Harry.

I bet if they both sat down together for coffee, neither of them would say a word even though they have so much in common.

Harry may just be like Holden, but he has opened up to me, beautifully. He told me things that he never discussed with anyone before and it truly touched my heart. He let me into his dark broken soul, and I found out that he still had a heart. He's been through so much in his twenty three years and I can't blame him for being so closed off. I was still able to chisel down his cold exterior and let the light shine through after it's been dormant for so long. He's such a cold complex man, but still one that is capable of positive emotions.

This book look likes it's been through hell and back, the pages are slightly torn and harshly yellowed. The edges are burned and the spin is barely holding of for dear life. The cover of the book is washed out the back is nearly black from the fire ashes.

This book was really worn out, but it's still able to read.

Just like Harry.