Chapter 25: Love Confession?

I went outside with Collin, and from behind I saw Anthony trying to eavesdrop on our conversation, which made Aunt Rose have to pull Anthony's shirt to get him to be quiet and not follow us.

Outside, we were silent for a moment. I don't know what we were waiting for, but Collin seemed more awkward now.

"It was just a normal dream; I don't think we need to talk about it," I said. I feel like I want to avoid talking to Collin because of this awkwardness.

"I brought you here so that dream wouldn't happen again. Was there anything strange about that dream? Please tell me the details." This time, Collin was tempted to speak more.

"It all happened suddenly. Two children, one boy and one girl, suddenly appeared beside me and called me "Mother." Then Andrew came, and they were terrified. The children's reactions were just like the symptoms of my fear. They were trembling and covered in a cold sweat. Then Andrew came, and he dragged them away from my embrace." I explained the core of my dream without missing anything.

"Is that the gist of it?"

"Yes, mostly it was our fear when Andrew was about to arrive. Everything felt real; even the touch of their skin felt real. But I will consider it a complete dream. My children died before they were even born into this world. I shouldn't be thinking about that dream anymore." I'm trying to control my own emotions; maybe the only one who can really help me is myself. I feel like I'm bothering Collin too much; maybe one day I'll have to say goodbye to him.

"Good. It was just a dream, which happened because you were missing them. Psychologically, this dream might be happening because your mind is focused on that. To prevent it from happening again, it might be best to just forget about it and consider it a bad dream." And I nodded my head.

"At that time, you said you already had plans for the future after leaving the hospital. Maybe we can focus on that from now on," Collin said.

"But right now it might be a little difficult. We've already pretended to be dead, while I'm planning to go to Milan. Living as a florist and potter, but to go there we need a clear identity. And maybe Andrew will know about this." I said morosely, I had that plan when I was in the mental hospital yesterday.

"If that's the case, we'll wait until Andrew can truly let you go, and then even if you come back, he won't care about you anymore." We should try Collin's method; maybe we just need to be a little more patient.

"I want to forget all the memories I have with Andrew, even the city where we met and witnessed this bitter love story. I want to be a strong woman, someone who is good at taking care of herself, who won't bother people any further, and who has her own income. That way, even if I live alone until I die, I won't be afraid anymore." I sighed; it's still my dream, and I hope I can be that strong someday. And if that time comes, perhaps we will have to part.

"What can I do to repay all your kindness, my doctor?" My words then made Collin look at me. His gaze was unreadable to me, but I hoped he would support me.

"Repay me with a better life of your own. But I hope you never feel lonely and alone in your future. Open your heart to new people; sometimes you really need someone to talk to to make sure your mental state is okay."

I nodded, even though I wasn't sure if any man would want me after everything I'd been through, and I wasn't sure if I'd meet a good man.

"If I find a good man, I will get married." Collin turned his face away again.

"Then what about me?" he asked suddenly.

"I hope you'll get married too; consider Dr. Kate. She looks very sincere to you." Collin then shook his head upon hearing my words.

"Why?"

"I like another woman. But the wall between us is too high." Collin's words made my heart race.

"So you like someone?"

"For a long time. Since the first time I saw her, she looked like my mother. That feeling of sympathy slowly changed; protecting her became a necessity. I used all my strength to protect and stay with her, but she said she wanted to break up with me." I fell silent. Who wouldn't understand Collin's words? Only a fool wouldn't understand what it means.

"The relationship is a bit awkward. Maybe there's still another man in her heart." I spoke as if I were talking about someone else, and I answered as if it were just a guess, but maybe Collin understood. Actually, deep down in my heart, Andrew is still there; even though I run away, that feeling doesn't easily disappear like the first time I fell in love with him.

"What is a rejection?" he asked.

"No. Precisely because nothing is certain in the future, he will tell you what he feels right now." Collin nodded, saying nothing more.At that moment, Anthony came out of the house and suddenly, with great enthusiasm, said that he would teach something later during martial arts practice.

I'm grateful that Anthony suddenly appeared among us; I really wanted to stop talking to Collin. That sudden confession didn't give me time to prepare the right and appropriate words of rejection. I'm worried about hurting his feelings, especially since he sacrificed so much for me, but this is how I'm repaying him.

We went to the farm as usual. Collin was quieter after the confession earlier; he avoided eye contact between us and also kept his distance whenever we were together. This awkward feeling makes me feel annoyed, like Collin shouldn't be like this. Is this the first time he's fallen in love?

When it was time for martial arts practice, Collin's attitude was so obvious that Anthony's confused gaze seemed to be asking me what was happening to us. But I can't tell him anything; if this keeps up, Collin might back off on his own. He'll leave me first before I can truly say goodbye.

"I brought this, the arrow, and also sharp weapons. Today I will be giving a lesson using these two tools," Anthony said enthusiastically. Only Collin and I seemed unenthusiastic today. Often, even Anthony's laughter would just hang in the air without us responding.

"We will start with safe weapon handling techniques. First is learning how to hold a knife correctly, techniques for drawing or accessing the knife quickly and safely, and basic movements such as stabbing, slicing, and blocking to avoid missing your target and having it turn back on you," said Anthony.

The training that day was longer than the days we usually practiced. And from that day on, every midnight I would always see Collin quietly go to the back of the house to practice martial arts non-stop.