Chapter 27: Did you miss me?

“West, who’s that girl?”

I immediately hid my phone on my lap. I closed my eyes because of frustration. “Jeez man, you scared the shit out of me! What do you want, Lycus?”

Lycus laughed. “Oh man, looks like you’re in love now, huh? Who’s that lucky girl?”

“It’s none of your business.”

His laughter grew louder. “What? You teased me too when Siquiera and I broke up.”

“Yeah? You teased me more when you graduated. You know I’m—”

“Broken hearted!” I almost couldn’t see his eyes. He’s laughing too hard. “What? Do you still miss her? She left you already bro. Just find  another woman. Look at me, I’m free now. Just like a bird, flying to find another target—”

“Fuck off,” I cursed. My eyes are still closed.

“’Wag mo nga ‘yang demonyohin ka talaga,” sabay naming sabi ni Miko, Lycus’ friend. “Don’t mind that jerk dude, coping mechanism niyan mang-asar kahit mas malala naman love life niya.”

We burst laughing when Lycus threw a sock on Miko. Miko sniffed the sock for a second and immediately threw it back to Lycus. “What the fuck, Lycus! When did you last wash your socks? Gosh, fucking disgusting,” he scrunched his nose in extreme disgust.

Renzo is currently fixing important things right now that’s why he’s not here.

They started fighting again so I decided to go downstairs.

We’re living in a condominium here in Chicago. I started living here few years ago when I got a side character role for an action movie here in US. I’m in luck. That movie blew up and my career blew up too. They started giving me more projects. Lycus moved here a week ago because Siquiera dumped him in France. Renzo and Miko came here a year ago because they’re both a stockholder of a different corporation here on Chicago.

I came here to try again.

Our lives are fucked up when we finished college. Rackhie broke up with me and told me she doesn’t love me anymore.

That’s what I believed until last month.

We, Lycus, Renzo and I, woke up from a dream. A very long dream. It feels surreal. I can almost touch everything there. That’s when I started remembering all of it. Her breaking up with me on college isn’t the only memory I have where I last saw her.

We… We broke that curse.

We’re normal people now but we lost things we used to have. We lost them. I lost Rackhie.

I never knew I would see her again. I saw her one month ago on a Fashion show where my friend invited me. I’m in shock and I couldn’t even move that time.

That role was given to me before she even auditioned for that movie. That actor decided to focus on her family and take a break from showbiz because he’s working without break for fifteen years now.

It's Tuesday, the collaboration meeting just finished a while ago. I was about go inside to a restaurant when Renzo called.

“What?”

“Have you seen my laptop?”

“No, why?”

“Oh fuck. I need my laptop. There’s something important there. What about the ring?”

Yeah right, I forgot. He’s getting married next month. Sa aming lahat ay siya lang ang sinwerte sa buhay pag-ibig. Ewan ko nga kung paano naka-recover iyan sa kapatid ko pero wala naman akong karapatang manghimasok doon.

Isa pa, ayaw na rin naman ni Wendy kay Renzo. Iyon ang pagkakaalam ko.

“I don’t know, Renzo. I’m going back there later. Let’s find it when I got home.”

“No thanks. I’ll just find it myself if you haven’t seen any of it then.”

“Suit yourself.” Sabi ko at pinatay na ang tawag.

Ibabalik ko pa lang sa bulsa ko ang cellphone ko nang muli iyong tumunog. It’s my sister.

“Kuya!”

“Hey, how are you?” I smiled. I miss my sister.

“I’m fine now, Kuya. Guess what? I have a good news for you. I told myself this is a surprise but I just couldn’t help it anymore so here it is! I’m saying it!”

“What?”

“Nilibre ako ni Ravenne ng ticket pabalik sa Pilipinas! Diyan na ako magtatayo ng business ko. Miss na miss na kasi kita, Kuya!”

Mas lalong lumapad ang ngiti ko sabay tingin sa paligid. Baka may makakita pa sa akin. Pumasok muna ako sa madilim na sulok ng restaurant para walang makakita sa akin. “That’s good then. When are you coming back? I missed you too.”

“I don’t know! Maybe next month? I’m not sure. Anyways, are you eating well?”

“Yes, of course. I don’t want to die. Ako dapat ang nagtatanong sa ‘yo niyan. Are you eating well?”

“Oo naman! Promise!”

“Okay, okay, very good.”

“That’s all I have to say. I-kumusta mo na lang ako kila Miko ha! Sabihin mo crush namin siya ni Ravenne! Joke lang!”

“Sure. Take care, Wendy,” and then she hung up.

Biglang may tumulong tubig sa cellphone. Umaambon. Napaangat ang tingin ko roon pero agad namang bumalik sa cellphone ko. I accidentally clicked a random notification from an online news website.

It’s about a model. She’s carrying a kid, maybe a four to seven year old girl and then there’s a fan. Ah, I understand it now. She trusted that fan so much—

I dramatically gasped when I realized who that face belongs to.

Millane Zcifera Crosette

Rackhie. She have a kid now. A five year old kid. We broke up five years ago and now… I’ll find out she has a daughter?

I threw my phone away. It’s the fifty-fifth phone I had this month. I always throw my phone whenever I’m mad. It’s fucking frustrating.

Doon lang ako natauhan. Five years ago… Did I… Did I got her pregnant? Is it possible? How… Why the fuck didn’t I look at her daughter’s face? Fuck. What a dumbass.

I immediately went to the nearest mall to get a new phone. Then I opened it and searched for that news.

She looks like her mother. There’s no doubt that they have the same blood but even though there’s a lot of features from her mom that she have, there’s a familiar features there too.

Paano ko nakilalang si Rackhie iyon? Ang mata niya, hindi nagbago. Kahit baguhin pa ng sumpa ang mukha niya, hindi nawawala ang mga matang iyon sa mukha ni Sandy.

And those features… That nose, eyebrows and eyes… They’re mine.

I trust Rackhie she’s not that kind of person. I’m the only guy he dated. After those lifetimes, I’m the only guy he liked and dated. I’m sure of it.

“Hanep, ang ganda,” puri ni Miko sabay ngisi. “Naka-jackpot ka pre. Sikat na model pa inanakan mo. Pabulong naman ng pogi secrets diyan.”

“Don’t fuck with me, Miko. I’m asking you seriously. If you have no serious answers, get the hell out of my room.”

Tumawa lang ito. “Ang seryoso mo naman! Pero nagsasabi ako ng totoo ah. Ang ganda niya. Pero mas maganda pa rin si Yekatirina ko.”

Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin.

Nagtaas naman siya ng dalawang kamay. “Oh, edi pangit na! Ang pangit naman niyan! Pangit!” Tumawa pa rin siya. “What are you planning to do now? When do you plan to confront that feisty gorgeous model? I heard she’s dating that Clint Eastwood or Wood or something.”

I ignored him. I just keep staring at her photo. It’s a photo of her with her daughter Sandy. She said it earlier. I watched the news.

She’s prettier than ever. She’s always pretty, everyday and everynight. If only I can hug her. After those years, she never left my heart.

“I miss her, but it looks like she don’t miss me at all. She even tried to hide my own daughter from me forever. She hates me so much. I deserve it.” I answered. “Should I just let go? She won’t accept me anymore,”

“Gago tol wala sa lahi nating mga pogi ang sumusuko agad. Huwag mo nang pakawalan iyan. Baka mapunta pa sa iba.” He sighed. “No matter what happens, atleast you tried, right?”

Tanghali na nang makalabas ako sa condo para tulungan si Renzo na maghanap ng bagong singsing. Balot na balot ako dahil napakaraming tao rito. Sana lang ay walang makakilala sa akin dahil baka may kumalat na namang issue.

Masyadong maraming tao sa Jewelries Section kaya umalis na lang ako roon. Bahala na si Renzo. Tutal inimbitahan niya ako sa kasal niya at may kakilala akong brand na nakatrabaho ko noon, solved na ang problema niya. Kayaman-yamang tao, e.

Dahil ayaw kong lumabas nang walang nabili, bumili na lang ako ng isang water bottle para kahit papano ay may mabili ako.

Tatlong metro lang ang layo ko sa exit nang may makita akong isang buhok. Naka-facemask din ito at shades. Is that Rackhie?

Hindi pa man ako makainom sa tubig ko ay tumakbo na agad ako palabas. Gumilid siya kaya sumunod ako. Nakarinig pa ako ng mga preno nang saglit akong humarang sa paradahan ng sasakyan.

Muli itong lumiko. Ako ay nakasunod pa rin. Kahit na mabilis ang takbo ko at naglalakad lang ito ay nauuna pa rin siya kesa sa akin. Ang bilis.

Hanggang sa bigla siyang mawala sa paningin ko. Naiwan ako sa isang malaking building. Nakarating na ako rito noon. Nandito ang studio ng pang-umagang balita. Sunrise America. Maglalakad na sana ako paalis. Marami kasing tao sa labas. Pero bago pa man ako makapaglakad palayo ay nakarinig ako ng sunod-sunod na pagsinghap kaya sinundan ko ‘yon.

Awtomatiko kong nasalo ang batang tumatakbo papunta sa direksyon ko. Pati ako ay bahagyang nagulat dito. Ayos lang ba siya?

Umupo ako para magkapantay kami.

Nagulat ako nang makita ko ang mukha nito. It’s her. It’s Sandy Elena Crosette. Millane’s daughter. “Hello, where are you going?”

Tinitigan lang ako nito saglit. Hindi nagsasalita.

“Where’s your mom?” I asked.

Itinuro niya si Millane na natigilan doon. They’re wearing a dress that has the same design.

Did you miss me?

Tinanggal ko na ang face mask ko para makilala niya ako. Halo-halo ang naramdaman ko ngayon. Ni hindi ko alam na ang pinaghahandaan ko kanina, mangyayari na pala ngayon. Well, time is gold. I don’t have time to lose.

Binuhat ko si Sandy. Dahilan para magsinghapan ang mga tao.

Nagmamadali si Millane papalapit sa akin at agad na kinuha ang anak niya namin.

“Let’s go home, Sandy. We’ll talk about this later.” She said, not looking at her daughter. She’s glaring at me.

Ibanalik ko sa kanya ang parehong tingin.

Maya maya ay nag-ilawan na naman ang mga camera. Hays. Ano bang ginagawa ko? I shouldn’t be here. But there’s no chance left.

Dali-dali kong tinanggal ang jacket ko. Hinanap ng mga mata ko ang kotse nila. Kakapalan ko na ang mukha ko. I want to win this. I want to win Sandy.

I want to win my Rackhie back.

Kita ko na. Madali niyang pinapasok sa loob ng kotse si Sandy. Napapatingin pa si Millane sa paligid. Hinahanap niya ba ako? Malamang.

Napangisi ako sa iniisip ko. Hindi ko talaga kilala ang sarili ko.

Ganoon na lang ang bilis ng pagtakbo ko papasok sa kotse nila nang walang pasabi. May mga bodyguard pa roon pero hindi manlang nila ako pinigilan.

Hingal na hingal ako nang makapasok ako sa shotgun seat. Dali-dali kong tinanggal ang leather jacket ko na hindi pa pala tuluyang natanggal kanina.

Confident na sana ako kaso nakita ko ang mukha nilang dalawa ng driver na gulat na gulat. Doon ako nakaramdam ng matinding hiya. “I-I’m sorry for randomly coming inside. Can I stay here for a while? I forgot my car and there’s plenty of—”

“Sandy,” imbes na pakinggan ako ay iyon ang nausal niya.

Tahimik silang nag-usap mag-ina. Hindi ko naiintindihan ang pinag-uusapan nila kaya tumitig lang ako sa kanilang dalawa sa pamamagitan nang pagtingin sa rear view mirror. Tango naman nang tango si Sandy kaya hindi ko na mapigilang mapangiti.

“Let’s go, where are you headed---”

“Take me somewhere else. I’m not headed to somewhere. I just want to enjoy my life for a bit then I saw her.” Putol ko sa kanya sabay nguso kay Sandy. “Is that your daughter, Ms. Crosette?” I know the answer, of course. But I want her to say it herself.

“Y-Yes,” she answered right away.

I smiled at Sandy. “She’s so cute,” thank God you look like your mom.

“Thank you,” nahihiyang sabi nito sa akin. Sumubsob siya sa dibdib ng ina niya. Hinimas na lamang ni Millane ang likod niya.

I chuckled. Remembering those times I compliment her mom and they’ll say thank you the same way. They become shy.

Tahimik na nang ilang minuto hanggang sa magsalita si Sandy. “Mommy, does he look like daddy?”

Natigilan ako sa sinabi nito. Napakabilis ng tibok ng puso ko. Paano kung sabihin niya ngayon? Marami akong plano. What if she says no? Mas masakit ‘yon…

“Baby…” Nilingon niya ako. Tumikhim siya. “N-No. No, baby,”

Ouch.

I frowned in disbelief. That child is ours, Rackhie. That’s my child too. You hid her from me. I could’ve been there. I could’ve gave her everything. I can move freely now. I want my daughter back. I want Rackhie back.

I don’t care how many times you deny that I’m not the father of that child. Because I know I am.

Sandy hugged her mom. I just stared at Rackhie. Trying to communicate with our eyes. Why did she said that? It hurt both me and our daughter’s feelings.

“What? Do you need something?” She asked, raising her brow.

I immediately made my face look serious. Humarap na lang ako sa kalsada.

Ugh, I’m not done yet.

I’m not going back home without both of you.

It worked. We came in their house an hour after the trip.

“Please sit here,” She gestured her hand to the sofa. She smiled.

Blushing, I refused to smile back.

I sat there.

“What do you want to eat?”

“Nothing, I’m full,” I gave her the same look. Do you remember me now? Huh?

“Uhm, what about drinks? Are you thirsty?”

I pointed the water bottle. “I’m not thirsty.”

She nodded. Obviously, I’m pissing her off.

“I want to talk to you,” and our daughter.

She sat beside me. I gulped. I’m… It’s… erec-

“For what?” Mas lalo niya pang tinamisan ang ngiti niya.

I missed that smile. I miss that look. I miss everything. I miss you, Rackhie. Do you miss me too? But it makes me wonder… Why didn’t you come back?

I spent years thinking what did I do for you to break up with me. I don’t understand.

I lacked. Sandy grew up without me. I should’ve been there. I just know it’s really hard for both of them. It’s all my fault, why did it have to be them? I could’ve be the one who should’ve suffered more. Not them.

But I can’t do anything.

“What do you want to talk about?” She asked.

“Sandy,” I want to talk about everything.

“What?”

“I want to talk about Sandy,” ulit ko.

“Why? What about Sandy?”

Binago ko ang ekspresyon ko. Pinalambot ko ang tingin ko rito. “Who’s her father, Rackhie?”

Natigilan siya sa tanong ko. Her mouth is slightly open because of shock. “H-How…”

“I told you… I’ll find you, right?”

R-Rackhie… I’ll find you.

“W-West?” Unti-unting tumulo ang mga luha niya. “Paano? Paano ka nakabalik? I saw you there… You left me… You left us---” agad ko siyang niyakap bago pa man niya matuloy ang sasabihin niya.

“I could’ve been there…” I cried too. I couldn’t help it anymore. “Is she my child?” I whispered, enough for her to hear.

“Y-Yes. She’s our daughter.” She cried. “I-I thought you forget about me—”

“I would never forget you, Rackhie, ever,”

Forget me not, West.

Forget me not, Rackhie.