Chapter 121: Not choosing you

Kieran:

The moment the words left her mouth, everything in me stilled.

“Marry me.”

For a second, I thought I had imagined it, that my mind had twisted something she said into what I wanted to hear, but the way she stood in front of me, steady despite the tremor in her fingers, told me she meant every word.

I forgot to breathe.

Behind me, Hoseok choked on his water, his face glowing but I didn’t turn.

Because all I could see was her.

My hand moved before I could think, cupping her face gently, grounding both of us as I searched her eyes.

“What did you say?” I asked quietly, even though I had heard her perfectly.

“Marry me,” she repeated, and this time there was no room for doubt. So I wasn't going crazy…she really proposed to me?

“Dad had set me up with Zian. He wants me to marry him, and if I choose you, he’ll cut me off completely.”

My fists clenched and my throat burnt at her words, my neck heating up…..I couldn't even celebrate it for a moment can I?

“He said that?” My voice came out sharper than I intended, my jaw tightening.

“He thinks you’re using me,” she continued, softer now, but her gaze didn’t waver. “He thinks you are taking revenge on him because he rejected you for me.”

I breathed out slowly, forcing myself to stay in control when all I wanted to do was break everything, and make dad regret every word he had said.

“I’ll deal with him,” I said, keeping my tone controlled, holding her face still.

Her fingers wrapped around my hand before I could move.

“No,” she said, stepping closer. “That’s not what I want.”

I looked at her then, my gut flipped as I realized where this was going, and for a moment, everything else faded.

“You shouldn’t leave your family for me,” I said after a pause, collecting all the patience I had, “I won’t take that from you.”

The shift in her expression was immediate. Disbelief and shock spread on her face, her fingers around mine trembled, turning cold all of a sudden. I gulped.

“Are you serious right now?” she asked, her voice tightening.

“Alina—”

“No,” she cut in, pulling her hand away from mine like my touch suddenly meant nothing. “You don’t get to decide that for me.”

I held my ground, even when I wanted to claim her right then and there.

“Fine,” she exhaled, but there was nothing calm about it. “If you won’t marry me, then maybe dad was right.”

That hit harder than I expected.

“What?” My voice dropped without me meaning it to.

“Maybe this is just revenge for you,” she continued,“Maybe I should just go to Zian then.”

Something twisted sharply inside me at that, my nostrils flared, my heart dipped but I forced it down.

Because this wasn’t about what I wanted.

It was about what would happen to her if I chose wrong.

“If you don’t want me,” she said, her voice softer now but more dangerous, “then say it.”

I didn’t answer….and it took everything in me to stay silent and sane.

Choosing her would only pull her deeper into something I wasn’t sure I could protect her from.

The disappointment in her eyes settled slowly, and I felt it like a sharp jab.

“Why did you even come into my life like this then?” she asked, quieter now,“Why did you make me fall for you if this is where you were going to stop?”

I inhaled slowly, closing my eyes tightly before opening them again.

“I’m not stopping, Alina,” I said, but even to me, it sounded meaningless.

“You are,” she replied immediately, not giving me room to explain. “You’re asking me to walk away after taking my heart like only you get to have a say in it.”

“That’s not what this is, Alin–”

“It is,” she insisted, her frustration rising. “You confessed to me. You came after me. You made me believe this was real, you made me realize my feelings for you and now when it actually matters to me, you’re hesitating???!!!.”

Her words hit exactly where they were meant to.

Because she wasn’t wrong.

But she didn’t know everything either.

“This is not a small decision, Alina,” I said, my voice lower now, more controlled. “The last time I chose what I wanted without thinking, I lost everything. My family… Lily…”

Her name didn’t come easy, but I forced it out anyway.

“I don't want to repeat that mistake again. If dad doesn't want this….if he makes you choose….then, this won't happen.” I shook my head.

The silence that followed was so heavy it could be cut with a knife.

Then she nodded after a moment leaving a shaking breath, turning back to look at Hoseok like she wanted to make sure he heard it too. Hoseok passed me a disgusted look.

“You know what,” she said, her voice shifting,“It’s fine.”

“Don’t do that,” I said quietly.

“Do what?” she asked, her lips curving faintly, but there was no warmth in it. “Be reasonable?”

“That’s not what this is.”

“It is,” she gritted her teeth,“Because if you can’t choose me now, then there’s nothing left to choose later.”

I didn’t move.

Didn’t stop her.

And that was my mistake.

“I’ll make it easier for both of us,” she continued, her gaze locking with mine. “I’ll marry Zian.”

That hit….fucking hard!!!!!

“At least he knows what he wants,” she added, sharply. “And he’s not afraid to say it.”

“Alina,” I warned, my tone dropping.

“I won’t see you again,” she finished, and this time, there was no hesitation in it. “You don’t have to think about anything anymore.”

For a second, I almost reached for hand, almost stopped her…..but I didn't. She turned around and left, the door closed with a loud sound behind her.

If taking your heart out and crushing it with your own hands was a feeling….then this was definitely it!

I stayed where I was, my gaze fixed on the space she had left behind, my jaw tight, my thoughts louder than anything else in the room.

“Wow.”

Hoseok’s voice cut through it, slow and poisonous.

“That was painful to watch.”

I didn’t respond.

“Let me understand this,” he continued, stepping further in, folding his arms. “She asks you to marry her, and you tell her to go home and think about it?”

I exhaled slowly, dragging a hand through my hair.

“I’m not stepping back,” I said, my voice rougher now.

“Really?” Hoseok raised a brow and chuckled humourlessly. “Because from where I’m standing, you just let her walk out. You clearly rejected her after running after her FOR SO MANY FUCKING YEARS KIERAN!!!!!! I WAS SO FUCKING HAPPY TO SEE YOU GETTING WHAT YOU ALWAYS WANTED YOU ARE AN INSANE AND RIDICULOUS FOOL TO LET HER GO!!!!!!” He started screaming all of a sudden, his face all red like he would suddenly punch me in the face.

I finally looked at him.

“You think I don’t want this?” I only asked, my tone low.

“Then what is this?” he shot back immediately, heaving, clenching his jaw.

I held his gaze for a moment before answering.

“I’m trying to keep her alive.”

That wiped the wrath off his face.

“She doesn’t know what she’s stepping into,” I continued, my voice quieter, but heavier. “Mark isn’t going to stop. He didn’t stop with Lily.”

The room fell silent for a second.

“I already lost one person because I wasn’t careful enough,” I added, my jaw tightening again. “I’m not losing her the same way. The guilt…..is too heavy for my soul already.”

Hoseok studied me, his expression thoughtful.

“And your solution,” he said slowly, “is to let her go to someone else?”

“If that keeps her safe,” I replied without hesitation.

He let out a short breath, shaking his head.

“That’s not living,” he said bluntly. “That’s surviving. And barely.”

I didn’t answer.

“Listen to me carefully,” he continued, stepping closer now. “If the problem is Mark, then deal with Mark. Don’t throw away your life because of him.”

My gaze shifted slightly.

“A life without love is not worth living,” Hoseok added, his tone firm now. “And you know that better than anyone. And don't you FUCKING FORGET that Lily also wanted this for you…..and her sister!!!”

His words settled somewhere deeper in my heart than I wanted to admit.

The room fell quiet again.

And this time… I had nothing to say.

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It was raining again, the drops were making quite a noise outside, knocking on my window every now and then. The sky would light up very often, but my room felt too still.

A bit too quiet.

I stood near the window, looking out at the city lights stretching endlessly into the distance, but I wasn’t seeing any of it.

All I could see was her….her shocked, disappointed eyes…and her tears.

The way she stood in front of me.

The way her voice didn’t shake when she asked me to marry her.

The way she walked away…. everything was poking needles in my heart. Wasn't this what I always wanted???

I looked at my scarred hands, touching the left palm with my right fingers.

“Fate really brought you to me again Alina….” I whispered into the silence of the room.

“It even blessed me with you…showing up to propose to me!” I chuckled without humour. “I never thought I would get proposed to by the love of my soul and heart…but look at how cruel life has been with me always….always taking away everything from me that I cherished.”

My jaw tightened as I exhaled slowly, running a hand through my hair again.

“First you and my parents….then Lily…then my child….and now you again! The only thing life didn't take away from me is itself…” I massaged the deep surgical scar on my left wrist, exhaling shakily, looking outside the window again.

Hoseok’s words echoed in my head then.

“If the problem is Mark, then deal with Mark.”

I kept tapping at the window with my left hand for I don't know how long…..then a thought occured.

I reached for my phone.

Clicked on the emergency contact.

The call connected quickly.

“Yes Boss?” Vocenzo’s voice came through, calm yet alert even in the middle of the night.

“I have a job for you!” I smirked.