Chapter 136: Just be you

Raelynn POV

A crackle of thunder has me shooting up from the bed, gripping my chest as my heart beats erratically.

Disoriented, I glance around the unfamiliar room, feeling like I can’t breathe. Every lungful of air feels strained, like an elephant sits atop my chest.

Rain pelts the window, and a flash of light has me jumping again.

I blink away the sleepiness and take slow, measured breaths trying to calm my racing heart.

Memories flood my mind when thunder rattles the cabin, and I curl in on myself, feeling like I’m drowning.

Kieran’s overdose…. Those men showing up with the intent to hurt him…. The gun… My God, the gun. I stare at my trembling hands, remembering how the cool bite of the metal made my palms sweat.

I’ve always hated guns. Seeing one attached to my explosive father’s hip growing up was always a terrifying reminder of the power he held. When he was really drunk, he’d keep his hand on it like a warning. A threat of what he could do if he really wanted to.

Then my mother died at the hands of a gun, and I swore I’d never touch one of those wretched murder machines…. But two times, I’ve found myself with one in my own hands.

The first, with Ares. I knew in my heart I’d never shoot him. Not only because he was Kieran’s brother, but because somewhere deep down; I don’t believe he’s a terrible person.

The second time, I hoped I wouldn’t have to use it, but in those moments, locked away in that tiny closet, I think a part of me knew what I would have to do. I felt that resolve when I shot the man in the leg after he ripped the door clean off the tracks.

Slipping out of bed, I feel the cool hardwood beneath my feet through a pair of Keiran’s socks. I’m still dressed in his t-shirt, the scent of him clinging to the fabric helps calm my still unsteady heart.

Kieran’s back is to me as I step into the dimly lit living room. He’s tossing a few logs into the fireplace, leaning back onto the balls of his heels. He stares at the fire, watching the new logs become engulfed by bright oranges and yellows.

I step closer, and the floor creaks, causing his head to whip in my direction.

“Hey,” he whispers, his tone almost nervous. “How are you feeling?”

I shrug softly, “I’ve been better.”

“Come,” he pats the space beside him, and I slowly make my way towards the fireplace, trying to hide a groan when the heat of the flames licks my skin.

Kieran wordlessly gets up, grabbing a folded up blanket from the couch and coming to sit beside me. He drapes the blanket over our shoulders, leaving a gap between us as he gets comfortable.

I think to myself how nice this is, only for my mind to hijack the moment with the understanding of why we’re here in the first place.

“Where is Malcom?” my voice is raspy, and I clear my throat.

“He’s off getting some groceries with Cae.”

“How was he?”

“Cae or Malcom?”

I chuckle softly, “Both?”

A soft grin pulls on Kieran’s lips, “Malcom is feeling guilty, but he’s fine. Cae seemed as well as he could be through texts. Your dad was home when Malcom picked him up.”

“Does he know yet?” I choke out.

Kieran shrugs, and the blanket falls from my shoulder, but he’s quick to replace it, “Sent my father a photo of his men when we arrived here. I’m sure your father is aware.”

“Will you tell me something?” I chew on my bottom lip, watching Kieran’s face shift in the glow of the fire.

“What do you want to know, Bambi?” he finally turns towards me, and I see the deep, sunken purple beneath his eyes. It’s on the tip of my tongue to ask if he’s gotten any rest, but given the look on his face, I don’t think I even need to ask.

“Everything,” I whisper, eyes widening as I stumble over my words, “Well, whatever you’re willing to tell me. I feel like I’ve been thrust into this…. Mess, but I don’t understand any of it.”

“That’s fair,” he turns away from me again, but I study his face. The way the fire dances in his blue eyes. The way his brows pinch together as though he’s trying to decide how much is too much. “Ask and I’ll do my best to answer. I fuckin’ owe you that much.”

“You don’t owe me anything, Key,” apparently in this whole mess, my brain has decided to stop working with my mouth because the things that keep coming out are things I’m not sure I’d say to Kieran’s face any other day.

“Be selfish, Rae,” he doesn’t turn towards me at first, “Ask what you want to ask. Say what you need to say.”

Our eyes lock, and it takes my breath away. That relief that had been buried beneath the fear and shock from earlier bubbles up, and I choke on a sob, “I’m sorry,” I shake my head, turning away from him, “I… I’m just really glad you’re okay.”

“I should have known something was up with the way my mother was acting earlier,” he turned away again, facing the fire with a pensive look on his face. “She never shows up when I’m home, nor does she ever communicate with me. I’m sure the fact that my father gave her a job made her feel like she finally had a purpose.”

“Purpose….” I mutter, “Feeding your child drugs is a purpose?”

“Trying to kill me was her purpose,” Kieran doesn’t sound sad, hurt, or even angry. Just… Monotone, like the thought of his own mother trying to kill him was just another day for him.

“I heard that man,” the warmth of the fire causes my cheeks to flush. “I hope your mother pays for what she’s done.”

“Yeah?” there’s a flicker of amusement in Kieran’s tired eyes.

“What’s that look for?”

Kieran’s lips pull into a lopsided smirk, “Just didn’t take you for the type to want revenge.”

“She tried to kill you,” I gasp, blinking rapidly. “That makes her…. The worst.”

He chuckles, “She is the worst. Now you see why I’m such a fuckup.”

“You’re not a fuckup, Kieran,” I shake my head.

“Says the girl who just saved my life twice in one night, three times for the count,” his lopsided smirk is still in place, but it almost seems forced.. sad in a way. “I’m going to have to give you a new nickname.”

“And here I was starting to get used to Bambi.”

“You should never have gotten used to Bambi, Rae. It was a fucked-up nickname,” he mutters, turning towards me again.

“I don’t mind baby,” I whisper, feeling bold for a moment.

“Yeah?” his eyes brighten just a bit.

“Rae is fine too.”

Our shoulders are pressed together now, and the outside of his knee grazes my thigh.

The fire dances in my peripherals, but my focus in on Kieran. The air around us feels charged… electrified, and I’m drawn towards him.

I can feel the heat of his breath against my mouth, the space between us closing until our lips ghost one another, “Have I thanked you yet?” goosebumps explode across my skin.

“Maybe?”

He chuckles softly, “I’m not good at this,” Kieran whispers.

“At what?” I want him to devour me. Make me feel so good that I forget the nightmare that I just lived through, but whatever this is, it’s better than anything else. This closeness. It’s new, and the raw, unmasked look in his eyes.

Like the Kieran Decker is finally dismantling his walls for me to get a peek inside.

“Being a good person to you.”

His lips crash into mine, swallowing down the whimper that breaks through the silence. Kieran moves until he’s kneeling before me, his back to the fire, and I slowly lean until his body cloaks mine.

“You are a good person, Key,” I whisper when he breaks the kiss for a lungful of oxygen.

“Not good enough for you,” he rasps, “But I can’t seem to let go, and I’m tired of fuckin’ fighting it,” teeth scrape along the column of my throat. “Be mine, Rae,” he nips at the sensitive skin above my pulse point. “I know I’ll never be good enough for you. I’ll fuck things up over and over and over again, but I promise I’ll figure out who you need, and I’ll be that guy. I’ll be anything.”

I want to scream at him. Tell him how much of a fool he is. Because he can’t see what I see, instead, I find myself smiling through a fresh set of tears.

“Just be you, Kieran. That’s enough.”