Chapter 88: SHE

We end up staying awake most of the night, clinging to each other, talking and laughing about the most useless of things, the world beyond the locked doors of the short let, along with all of our issues could wait, we would face them in the morning, tonight, we were going to pretend we were okay.

“I don’t think I can fight the sleep any longer.” I stifle a third yawn in the last two minutes. I would beat up myself for falling asleep now, but my eyelids were heavy, my bones weary from all our activities from earlier.

“It’s okay, go to sleep my love.”

Even in my sleepy haze I hear him, and it makes me feel good, the words I didn’t realize would mean so much to me, the words I wasn’t sure I would hear again.

“Good night my love, I love you.”

I feel his lips pressed against my forehead just as I drifted off to sleep, and in my dreams this time, I am at a crossroad, literally.

Without opening my eyes, my hands reach out on the bed, expecting to hit the warmth of his body, but the space beside me is empty, my eyes fly open, and I realize I was alone in the room, the side where he slept yesterday empty and sheets ruffled.

My body sagged, sadness filling my lungs fast, he could have at least said good bye, instead of stowing away. I cradle the pillow he used for a long time, staring blankly at the ceiling, as if it had all the answers.

“This is what you wanted.” I whisper to myself before finally dragging myself out of bed, taking a shower, I decide to go for a run, clear my head, and expel the sadness from my body.

I jump when I find him in the kitchen, dressed in yesterday’s clothes, and a cheap apron around his waist.

“It’s just me.” he says with his hands raised in surrender,

I place my palm against my racing heart, although I don’t think it will stop anytime soon, seeing as I was excited to see him, he didn’t just leave me like a jackass.

Clearing my throat noisily I look around him, he went shopping, that was why I didn’t hear him earlier.

“I thought you left.”

He blinks, as if realizing something, his eyes look down and back up, his hands going around his waist.

“Oh, uhm, I just thought I should make breakfast before I leave, and the fridge was half empty...”

“Not that, I mean I didn’t see you in bed, so I thought you left, without saying anything.”

His hand pauses, blinking again, he has a sad smile on his face, I look down at my hands, my lungs were quickly filling with sadness again.

“Are you going somewhere?”

I swallow, “Yeah, it’s a little late for a morning run, but something like that, I won’t be long.”

He nods, I couldn’t read it before, but I can now, regret lining his eyes, I couldn’t bear to look at it any longer so I head out, taking my usual route, my feet pounding against the concrete as I go.

He loved me. My feet pounded. He lied to me. My feet pounded. He is very kind. My feet pounded. He lied to me. My feet pounded. I love him. I huff out a breath. The only con was that he lied it seems.

“No breakfast today?” The girl from Big daddy breakfast asks as I reach her.

Panting, I shake my head no. She nods,

“Does it have anything to do with the good looking shopper?”

She saw Abed? My lack of response makes her smile, then she frowns,

“How long is he here for? He is eye candy but the business needs big money spenders like yourself.”

I respond with an eye roll, getting ready to sprint again, I stretch my legs, a thought halting my movement.

“Your wise father have any advise about forgiveness?”

Her brows quirk, she was doing the maths, I almost regret asking her, but I needed all the help I could get.

“He is too good looking not to be forgiven. But you are even better looking to be hurt, the old man would say to not let anyone, any ill feeling get in the way of life. But I call bullshit, hurt them the way they hurt you.”

I turn around, knowing fully well that I could not hurt him intentionally, and her father’s advise was easier said than done.

“Take your time, go at your own pace. I can see he means a lot to you, so take your time, find out for yourself if that’s what you really want.” she says softly.

My response is my feet pounding away as I go, that one seemed to make the most sense, when I return to the apartment, the smell of breakfast is everywhere, my stomach growled as I step inside.

“Wow, you made a lot.”

“Yeah, go take a shower, I should be done by then.”

I hurry with the shower, I have missed his food, the last time I ate it was before we went to his father’s, it seemed like a lifetime ago.

By the time I was down, he had plated the food and set it up for two people, I see we were still pretending.

The first bite had me moaning,

“That good?” he chuckles slightly,

“I missed this so much, there’s nothing on earth that can compare to your cooking.” I do the chef’s kiss. He laughs, and I take another bite, moaning as I do, I was right, his food tasted the best.

The rest of the food was eaten in silence, both of us knowing what this was, a final good bye of some sort. We both eat slowly, as if making the food last would make the moment last. But the food eventually finishes,

“Let me do them, you made the food, it’s only right I do the dishes.” I say without any strength.

He nods, letting me take his place, but he stands beside me, rinsing out the dishes while I washed them. The dishwasher was fine, but we could spend more time together here.

“The contract...” I say,

“It’s okay, I voided it first.” He says quickly,

“Ahh...”

We return to silence again, neither of us knowing what to say or do to make this moment last longer than it should.

“I noticed the fridge was empty, so I filled it up. They are already pre portioned, you only have to heat it up.” he says as we dry the dishes.

I glance at the fridge, I can’t see it but I know I was going to cry buckets when I ate them,

“You didn’t have to.” I mutter, handing him the dry dishes.

“I wanted to.”

We stood side by side, nothing left to clean, rinse or dry, no more excuses, no more stalling, we had to face it.

“I should go then.” his voice breaks when he says this,

I swallow, my throat quickly closing up,

“Tell Joanne and Clay I said hi.”

He nods, fetching his jacket, his eyes everywhere but on mine, and when he was certain he had everything with him, he turned around to face me, a smile on his face, but his eyes tell a different story.

“Take care of yourself, don’t skip any meals, lock your doors, this is a pretty safe neighborhood, but if you decide to move.” He swallowed.

“And if you do decide to return to acting, we would be waiting for you.” he flashed me his killer smile.

I swallow back the tears, but the second he slips out of the door, the tears fall and I am running after him.