Chapter 164: Still Home
(Envy)
People turn toward the marquees and long tables set along the edge of the clearing. Lantern light flickers across polished wood and glass. Music starts near the back, low at first, then steady as it carries through the trees. Food is brought out in warm trays, steam curling into the cool night air. Voices rise, laughter follows, and life returns to the clearing. A few of the younger pups linger between the tables, dragging out the night until they are caught and guided back toward the packhouse. One slips free and bolts across the grass, but Felix catches her easily. He lifts her into his arms, spinning her once before passing her back to her mother, who takes her with a quiet smile. Felix only grins before turning back to the crowd. Kieran stands a few steps away, speaking with one of the elders. His posture is straight, his shoulders settled, his voice low as he listens. The elder grips his forearm before moving on, leaving Kieran standing a little taller than he was before. Dorian remains beside Scarlett. People approach her one by one. He watches each exchange, close enough to step in when she needs him. His hand brushes her back, a silent presence. Her voice carries a little clearer each time she speaks. Her smile warm, soft and welcoming. I stand at the edge of it all.
Xavier’s hand settles on my back. Noah stands at my side, one arm folded across his chest as he watches the clearing. Levi leans against the post of the nearest marquee, half in shadow, and Haiden stands just behind me, quiet as ever. I watch my sons greet their pack. Kieran meets each person head-on, steady in his stance, sure in his voice. Felix moves through the space with ease, light in his step, drawing laughter where it’s needed. Dorian stands beside Scarlett as if he has always been there, his presence firm and unshaken. Scarlett looks up at him once, something uncertain flickering across her face. He leans in, says something low, and she smiles. Then she turns back to the next person waiting for her, her posture stronger than it was a moment before. I step forward without thinking. My eyes move across the clearing, searching for a place to stand, a task to take, something that needs doing. There is nothing. Everything is already in motion. The realisation spreads through me. They carry it now—all of it. I stand there, watching them move through the life I built, through the home I held together piece by piece.
It is a strange feeling to hand over the life you have created, the place that you feel you have loved forever. They look right in it, though, all four of them. Part of me knows that this was always meant to be theirs. I just wasn’t ready for it yet. I step back from the clearing slowly. The music softens as I move away. Voices blur into something distant. Lantern light fades behind me, replaced by the cooler silver of the moon. The hill rises gently behind the packhouse, the grass cool beneath my feet as I take off my shoes and make my way up. I’ve walked this path more times than I can count. Nights when the boys were younger. Nights when I needed space. Nights when everything felt like too much, and this was the only place I could hear myself think. At the top, I turn, and Red Moon spreads out below me, alive with light and movement. My sons stand at the centre of it all, surrounded by their people, held up by something I no longer need to carry. I lower myself into the grass.
The night air moves through my hair, cool against my skin, carrying the scent of food and smoke and home up the hill. I sit there and watch. Lyra comes and lowers herself into the grass beside me, her shoulder pressing lightly against mine. She looks out over the clearing with me in silence. Below us, Kieran bends his head to hear one of the elders over the music. Felix slips through the crowd with easy laughter, catching a drink before someone can steal it from his hand. Dorian stands with Scarlett near the edge of the dance space, his hand low at her back as she speaks with the women around her. “They’re doing well,” Lyra says softly. I nod. “They are.” We sit in the quiet for a moment, the sound of the celebration drifting up to us in pieces. “I keep looking for something to do,” I admit. “For a place to step in. Something to fix. Something to take hold of.” I breathe out slowly. “And there’s nothing. They don’t need me there… This isn’t easy,” I say. “Nothing worthy in life ever is.” I turn my head and look at her. She keeps her gaze on the clearing for a second longer before glancing back at me, moonlight catching across her face. I bump my shoulder into hers as I laugh. “Stop sounding so wise.” She laughs with me. “I can’t help it. Have you seen the goddess that raised me?” I can’t help but smile as I bring her into my arms and hold my daughter.
Below us, Xavier looks up toward the hill, like he can feel where I am without needing to see me. Noah follows a second later. Haiden turns last. Levi doesn’t look up, but I know he knows. “They’re giving you space,” Lyra says. “They know I need it.”
“Hmm, they always know.”
We fall quiet again, and it sits easily between us. Below, the music swells. The pack moves. Life continues. “I thought it would feel worse when this time came”, I say, and Lyra shifts her hand into mine. “I think it feels right, because you know they will do good here, just as you will do good in the kingdom, just as you did well in the Underworld. You’ve worn many crowns, mum. It’s okay to hand a few over.” Lyra leans into me slightly. “You built this, brick by brick. Now you get to watch as they build a life inside of it.”
“We built it,” I say. She nods. “They’re going to be alright,” Lyra says. I look out over Red Moon. Over the lights, the people, and my children. “Yes,” I say. “They are.” I pull Lyra a little closer, and I let myself sit in the quiet space between what was and what comes next, and breathe.