Chapter 32

“I know I’m hot, but keep your legs closed, Mason.”

“Fuck you.” I panted out at him. His mouth moved to my ear, sending a chill down my spine as he whispered.

“I think the correct phrase is ‘fuck me’.”

Contronym: Opposites in the same mold

That’s what Sylvia Mason and Finn Riley are. After moving to the highschool lacrosse capital of Connecticut to play men’s lacrosse, Sylvia is faced with the pain in the ass Captain, Finn Riley. They both hate the very idea of the each other and can’t even hold eye contact without making snide remarks. They both want the other gone no matter what but they also have undeniable similarities in their mannerisms. They are sheer opposites but they are also identical.

He was her darkness but also her light.

I had just talked about my rape for half an hour and I wasn’t bawling. If anything, I felt like I was champion of the world. It was one of the more freeing things I had felt in years. All this weight that I had been carrying for seven years was finally lifted. My truth and my anger was out there and hopefully it would help or inspire someone else and let them know they weren’t alone. Their trauma didn’t have to stop them. I had faced my demons for the sake of making this world a better place and it felt good.

I was unable to keep myself from blushing. “I’m not his girlfriend.”

“Yet.” Ryder and Benjamin said simultaneously.

“Oh, so the conceitedness runs in the family?” I asked with a roll of my eyes.

“I’m afraid so. Now, tell me more about yourself.”

“Well, I like playing soccer a lot. And if I were to choose between my books and human beings, then I choose books. Also, I think your brother is annoying and has too big of an ego. But wanna know something?”

He nodded.

I stopped the car at the traffic light and turned back to him.

Leaning into his ear, I whispered loud enough for Ryder to hear, “I think I like him.”

There was a glow on my face that wouldn’t go away even if I wanted it to.

Back stage I guzzled a water bottle, feeling the cold water relax my throat

“Tell me, Abbey,” He leans against the locker next to her, a smile playing on his lips. “How far is the stick up your ass?”

She slams her locker shut, her stormy gray eyes meeting his sparkling golden brown orbs with a deathly glare. She mocks him, “Tell me, Dalton, does this hurt?”

As the question leaves her mouth, she swings her booted foot back and kicks him in the shin as hard as she can. He yelps in pain, gripping his now throbbing shin.

“Aw, I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that?” She cups a hand to her ear, a shit-eating grin spreading across her face. He just silently scowls at her irritating face.

“Come on now, baby,” She coos, teasing him. “Use your words.”

After all of the talking I had just done. My heart rate had evened out a few minutes in, making it much easier to focus on the presentation. I just kept reminding myself to look at Beck like I was talking to him and it worked. I was calm the entire time.

Speaking of my hockey captain; he was the first person to see me after the presentation, wrapping my small frame in a tight hug while Sylvia watched from a distance with a proud and knowing smirk on her lips. I put my own arms around his shoulders, burying my face in Beck’s tanned neck as he whispered in my ear, “I’m so damn proud of you. You’re so brave, Danielle. You did the right thing today.”

“I’m glad you didn’t let me back out of this. It was worth it,” I agreed aloud, taking in the slight woodsy scent of his cologne. I always loved the way Beck smelled. It was never offensively strong, but it was always present enough to remind me of him

And provide the sense of a warm, comfortable cabin. “Thank you.” I couldn’t have done it without Beck. I would have still been in my trapped and borderline depressed state, pitying myself instead of owning it and becoming stronger.

“It was all you, Baby. You did this,” he whispered in my ear, his large hand running back and forth on my back before Beck let go of me when he heard the voice of Sebastian and Axel. Everyone was smiling and hugging Sylvia and I. It felt amazing to have all of this support around me. For so long I had struggled to feel like people accepted me because of thomething I had no choice in, but all along I had all of these people. I had my brother and his wife, my brothers friends, especially Jason and Al, Axel, Beck, Sebastian and now even Ken. There were so many people in my life that loved me for who I was and it took me a stupidly absurd amount of time to realize it.

This is what family was. This is what happiness and acceptance felt like. This was love.

Everyone was ready to go out for a celebratory beer when realized that I needed to collect my backpack from Sylvia’s office. My heels stopped clicking against the tile floor of the hallway, my brother stopping as his arm was around my shoulders with his other hand entertained with Sylvia’s. “You okay?” He asked my quietly, raising a blonde eyebrow.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just need to grab my things from Sylvia’s office. I’ll meet you guys at the bar in twenty, I’ll be quick,” I told everyone, letting my loving brother’s strong arm drop from around my shoulders.

“How are you going to get here? I drove you here,” Jason pointed out while Al hummed in agreement.

“I’ll go with her,” Beck volunteered casually without having to think much about it. “I parked near her office anyway.”

“Okay,” Finn responded airtime too easily. “We’ll meet you there,” he drawled with a small conniving smile on both he and his wife’s lips.

I subtly rolled my eyes at both of them before Beck and I left through one of the side doors instead of the main, putting us closer to Sylvia’s office and shielding is from the rain for slightly longer. The sky was covered in a dismal grey, but my brilliant mood made it seem all the more brighter.

It was drizzling as we made it onto the main sidewalk in silence before Beck spoke up quietly, his hand brushing mine. “That was hard to look at, you know.”

I cocked my head at him, murmuring in response. “The point is to be graphic

In order drive the point home. Though I wish I didn’t have to be. It would save me a lot of mortification; more than I’d like to admit.” The world might not have seen more than the bottom of my breasts dripping with blood, but it still made me self conscious. Would men look for that in the future when they slept with me? They wouldn’t see anything, but it didn’t stop wandering eyes.

“It’s nothing to be mortified about, but it did the job. Maybe a little to well,” Beck whispered to himself. “Danny, I don’t think you understand how much it hurts me to see you like that. I’m so sorry I couldn’t help you, and I will regret that for the rest of my life.”

My feet stahled, Beck stopping with me as I angled my body to face him fully. “Don’t be ridiculous, Beckett. You didn’t even know me when it happened. And don’t think you aren’t helping me; I don’t think I’ve ever been in a better place and that didn’t happen in it’s

Own. It might not seem like I’m one hundred percent happy, but this is a closest I’ve been in a long time.”

“I’d give anything to protect you,” he whispered, his hand brushing my cheek softly. “I shouldn’t have let you go that night with Jones.”

“You couldn’t have known, Beck. Besides, nothing happened. I’m okay now. I’m right here with you,” I whispered, rain coating my lashes delicate lashes. If always been jealous of Beck’s full, thick and silky black eyelashes, now more than ever. They were fucking beautiful.

“But you might not have been. That’s the problem. I can’t lose you, Danny,” his voice cracked, his bright blue eyes briefly flickering behind me as he blinked back the same watery eyes I was holding.

I couldn’t promise Beck he wouldn’t lose me. I know how I get when

I’m in a delusion. I can’t promise anything about my safety. “You know if you looked hard enough you could probably still see the scars,” I murmured. There was nothing else for me to say. “There’s always going to be a part of him on me even if you can’t see it without a bright light and a sharp eye. But I can guarantee you there’s at least one dot the size of a pencil tip on my skin. It seems like nothing but it’s there. It’s exactly the same thing in my head, Beck. I can’t promise anything but I need you to know I’ve never been in a better place in the past seven years. I’m happy. I’m happy with you. Don’t worry about what could have been. Live in the present with me now. We have to or else we’d both drown in our problems.”

Beck bit his lip, staring down at me like his life depended on it. “I’m happy here with you too, Danielle.”

Almost like it was on cue, the skys opened up in a torrential downpour,

Blanketing the two of us in lukewarm water. “You’ve got to be kidding me,” I muttered, already soaked through in a matter of seconds.

“You know some people think of rain as a rebirth,” Beck shrugged with a small smile, truly taking my advice of living in the now. It was only temporary, but I wandered to be happy now and Beck was choosing to be about with me. He offered me his large hand and I took it, bending down to remove my black heels. I gratefully took it, my bare feet pressing against the rough concrete sidewalk.

“I like that you see that as a positive,” I told him honestly, watching the twinkle in his ocean eyes. They stood out even more in contrast with the grey sky. It truly was a sight to behold.

My pearly teeth sunk into the corner of my lip, water sparkling off my eyelashes as I blinked at Beckett. My hand reached out and found his larger

One, intertwining our fingers together and laughing as I pulled him along after me. A bright smile broke out on his tanned face, a glimmering white smile shining back at me as he ran after me.

My hand left his as I ran ahead, my feet pounding against the harsh sidewalk as I spun around to face him, brushing my wet hair behind my ear as it turned to a light brown in the water from its usually dirty blonde. Beck’s deep, smooth laugh filled my ears and melted my insides. I was madly in love with my best friend and he couldn’t know it. That hurt more than I wanted to think about. So instead of facing his beautiful smile, I twirled in a circle with open arms like a champion wrestler, gave Beck a taunting look like we were battling on the ice.

The Syrian raised both of his dark eyebrows in moc surprise, daring me to run from him. I laughed as an even bigger smile rose on his face

Before I turned and sprinted down the sidewalk, rain and puddles splashing up as I ran across the sidewalks of the New Campus.

The complete downpour had covered my clothing in water. My light mauve toned button down was covered in liquid, clinging to my body in a less than appropriate way while my suit jacket had absorbed the rest of the storm. I was almost at the door of the now closed sports offices when I felt two large arms wrap around my waist, picking me up off my feet and spinning my body around.

Joy bubbled off my lips as Beck’s husky laugh made music in my ear drums, his body pinning my back to the brick support columns in front of the ornate overhang. My legs wrapped around Beck’s waist, his hands still on my thighs right under my ass. It was when the dizziness of my happiness simmered down that I realized the position we were in and I wasn’t complaining.

“Something tells me you came with me just to have a wet T-shirt contest,” I joked with him, my good mood still not wearing off despite our intense moment of regret and sadness. I always felt happiest in Beck’s arms and nothing would change that no matter how much I tried. So I would enjoy it while it lasted, because right now was one of those times. In a few months Beck and I could be in separate countries where he wouldn’t sleep in my bed anymore and I wouldn’t wear his clothes. Beck was my best friend and my second half, and I needed as much of him as I could get.

“If that was the case, then I’m clearly winning. Have you seen my abs?” He joked, taking a hand off my butt to run his fingers through his wet hair, sweeping it back like he usually had it styled.

“Yes, I have. And if you haven’t noticed,

I check them out every night.” And I could wash my clothes on them if I wanted to. It didn’t get hotter than Beckett Sampson, hockey superstar.

His brows pulled together in surprise. “Did you seriously just admit that you check me out? Because I don’t think you’ve ever done that.”

“If you can comment on my ass on a regular basis, I think I can admit you have a nice body once in a while. But don’t let it go to your head, I’m still the one with boobs,” I joked while my eyes subconsciously drifted down to Beck’s chest, his defined pectoral muscles showing through his blue button down, which was also sipping wet.

“You got me there,” he murmured while moving his hand to cup my sharp jaw line. My eyes locked on Beck’s bright irises, holding me completely at his mercy. “What you did today was very powerful and admireable, Danielle. I know it was extremely difficult for you

To do,” Beck whispered to me.

“I honestly wouldn’t have done it if you hadn’t supported me. I would have chickened out.” My own hands were resting against his neck, my thumb moving back and forth on Beck’s caramel skin slowly. “I love you, Beckett.” But not in the platonic way he was thinking about.

“I love you too, Danielle.” I just wished it was romantic love.

Silence fell between us, staring into each others eyes. Only the sound of the constant and relentless rainfall filled the air and echoed in my ears. “We should probably go inside,” I whispered eventually, the tension between our lips becoming too much for me to handle. I would ruin everything in a few seconds and close the few centimeter gap between us if Beck didn’t let me go.

“Yeah, we should,” Beck agreed, gently

Setting my legs down and backing up from me. Deep in my stomach I was disappointed he didn’t kiss me. After all of the forbidden kisses and hickeys we had stolen, I thought there would at least be something. Maybe this was Beck giving up and realizing we couldn’t be friends with benefits even if we wanted to. It was friends or nothing for us. The only bad part was that’s the complete opposite of what my heart wanted. Though my brain couldn’t be more satisfied if it tried.

And when I walked through the door of the building, I heard Beck whisper something to himself outside that he never intended for me to hear.

“Every day looking you in the eyes gets more and more painful.”

That was the sound of my heart breaking.