Chapter 26

I was unable to keep myself from blushing. “I’m not his girlfriend.”

“Yet.” Ryder and Benjamin said simultaneously.

“Oh, so the conceitedness runs in the family?” I asked with a roll of my eyes.

“I’m afraid so. Now, tell me more about yourself.”

“Well, I like playing soccer a lot. And if I were to choose between my books and human beings, then I choose books. Also, I think your brother is annoying and has too big of an ego. But wanna know something?”

He nodded.

I stopped the car at the traffic light and turned back to him.

Leaning into his ear, I whispered loud enough for Ryder to hear, “I think I like him.”

The art of breaking hearts is an inscrutable, prepossessing, abstract art. Never ever will you go through with breaking someone’s heart without having your own broken. And it would be very eccentric if one did not go through the process of having their own heart shattered into millions of pieces when trying to do the same to another.

Unfortunately, I learned that the hard way.

My head hurt like hell. The blood in my veins was pounding through my skull like a sledge hammer, cracking like a head bouncing off asphalt in an accident. I had way too much to drink last night.

When Elijah came back with Ben, Beck and I had somehow seen them before they saw us allowing our make out session to stay a secret. God knows how long we were swallowing each other’s faces for. Then all three of us proceeded to take shots of tequila to mock Ben for not holding his alcohol. Somehow Beck and I ended up on shot four and beer two by the time we left, definitely tipsy but not stumbling or slurring drunk. I was a woman but i also weighed a hundred fifty pounds and drank all that over the span of three hours. But, for me at least, no matter how much you spaced out your drinks, the hangover was always what got you.

I remember perfectly clearly how I had pushed Beck against the wall as soon as the hotel door closed and kissed him. He’d also told me right then he wasn’t going to have sex with me because I was drunk. He stayed true to his word, and didn’t even try to have sex with me but somehow we both still woke up shirtless in bed with his hickeys covering my neck and breasts.

I had marked him myself, right on the side of his neck and below his ear, but it was nowhere near as bad as the purple bruises across my pale skin. I don’t care how trashy people thought hickeys were, they were fucking sexy. Clearly, I was having a good time last night. Though waking up in jeans and heels without a shirt, curled against Beck’s chest was definitely a new thing for me.

I had never been more grateful that sober Beck had set an alarm for today, because there was no doubt in my mind we would have slept all day if not for that pesky iPhone ringer. I was so done with everything that I didn’t even care Beck and I had the same joggers on or that Sebastian and I were twinning with our Quinnipiac sweatshirts. I just got through the TSA, put my sunglasses on, and closed my eyes.

Or tried to.

“Nice to see we’re all up bright and early,” Bradley’s loud voice rang out in the near empty weighting area. Only our team was filling the black leather seats of the airport. I couldn’t help but wince at his intentionally loud voice, picking my head up from Sebastian’s shoulder as he woke up. “I see some of you had more fun last night than others.”

He wasn’t able to see it because of my sunglasses, but I was sending Bradley the meanest glare I could manage as he looked pointedly at Sebastian, Beck, and myself. Beck was significantly less hungover than I was, but like Sebastian, he was so tired he was about to pass out. Axel just sat there across from me in the rows of chairs, smirking with his arms crossed. That little bitch was lucky he didn’t go out, because this is what death felt like.

“It’s five thirty in the morning. Do you have to be that preppy?” I grumbled.

“Considering some of your nights ended two or three hours ago, I think it’s fitting. Besides, we have six AM practice three days a week, Riley. It’s not that big of a difference.” I cringed at his voice again. It was huge ass difference, especially since I had to haul my ass out of bed at three thirty instead of six in order to get my shit, get dressed, and get on the bus for an

Hour. Bradley was lucky I wasn’t in my fucking club clothes, because I got an hour of sleep.

“I’m going to kill myself,” I muttered in agony. I didn’t even care anymore, I just stuck my arms in my sweatshirt and took my bra off, discreetly putting it in my backpack. I breathed a sigh of relief as I leaned back, no longer wearing that damn bra over my sore hickeys. There was one right where the underwire of my bra sat and I wasn’t happy about it.

“Did you just take off your bra in the middle of the airport?” Seb whispered, closing his eyes and leaning his head back. That got Beck’s attention, who turned and looked at my chest as if to deem it appropriate or not before closing his eyes again in a half shrug. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes to myself despite the splintering pain.

“I’m wearing a sweatshirt. Besides, if any of the nineteen male hockey

Players and ten coaching extras who are also men want to point that out, I’ll have a few choice words.” I quipped back, my eyes already closed.

“I’ll punch them in the face for you. Wouldn’t want to hurt those goal tending hands,” Beck murmured, causing me to smile a little.

“This is your fault, because I certainly didn’t give myself hickeys.”

That caused both Sebastian and Axel to look at Beck and I. “Did you two sleep together last night?” Axel asked quietly, making sure no one was listening to our conversation in our isolated group of chairs.

“No,” Beck answered without opening his eyes. “So you can stop your patronizing and fuck off.”

“Someone’s grumpy. Maybe you should have fucked him after all,” Axel muttered to which I flipped him off at the same time as Beck. Finally, they left me in peace. It was like a flood of relief when they stopped talking, my headache evening out. I could almost imagine sleep consuming my body. I couldn’t wait to pass out on the plane, it would be the best feeling ever. I could barely keep my eyes open, sleep was so heavy on my mind.

The waiting area of the airport was almost silent with the exception of occasional announcements for the earliest flights. There were a few business men and women starting to arrive, filling in the seats with the rest of our team. The five of us had chosen seats in the next section over at a different gate for the sake of peace and quiet. I was enjoying it.

Key word being was.

When my phone binged with the text message notification, I already knew that was a bad sign. Who else would text me? Finn, Sylvia, their fathers,

Maya, or Ace. That’s it. All my other friends were here. I opened my eyes begrudgingly and pulled the device out of my pocket.

Leave it to that bitch to ruin an already miserable morning.

The first words I hear from my mother in six years include the phrase ‘what you ruined’. There was a reason I didn’t speak to her. Every time I had an interaction with her I felt shittier and shittier until there was nothing but regret and sadness left. She hated everything about me and my family. I couldn’t handle dealing with her or my dad, my brothers be damned. They had never tried to reach out to me or Finn.

Maybe that was my fault; I was the older one. Then again, it took more willpower for me to ask my parents for one of their numbers than I had left because as soon as I responded to her messages, I became her target for her anger on why her life sucks. I was the failure in her life: the cause of her failed first marriage, the thing that tied her to her cheating second husband, the only daughter she ever had that turned into a screw up, her failure as a parent; everything that ever went wrong was tied to me and I just couldn’t handle her blame. I wasn’t in a place to deal with it no matter how much I pretended I was.

I exhaled, putting the bridge of my nose between my thumb and middle finger, resting my elbow on the arm of the connected chairs. The feeling of my arm against his prompted Beck to open his eyes and glance at me through the aviators I was wearing. I really did look like a hungover mess, especially with my hair attempting to cover the marks on my neck.

This is what’s failure looks like; an estranged, hung over, twenty two year old with a mental disorder who couldn’t land a boyfriend who didn’t want her for purely sexual reasons. I felt it all the time whenever a guy hit on me. My body. That’s all anyone ever wanted and my mother sure let me know that when she saw me in person, even as a sixteen year old.

I felt Beck’s questioning gaze on me so I showed him the screen of my phone.

Even behind his own aviators I saw Beck’s eyes soften from cold, dead, and about to pass out to a pitiful look. “Do you want to talk about it?” Beck asked me softly.

“What is there to talk about? If my brothers wanted to talk to me, they would ask for my number. I’m done with her, she isn’t good for my mental health. I only feel like shit when I talk to her. It isn’t worth it. I’m not in a place where I can, Beck.” Suddenly, I knew the weight behind my eyes wasn’t just because of my lack of sleep.

Beck moved his arm so it was around my shoulders, pulling my head and shoulders into his warm chest while my arm sat on the arm rest. “Then don’t worry about her right now. If your brothers are decent people, they’ll understand. I just want you to be healthy,” he murmured into my head as I rested it against his chest. Beck didn’t want me to go over that edge; therapy and medication could only do

So much. I wasn’t suicidal, but it took one thing to make you snap. Sebastian had branded that in both our brains for better or for worse.

I’d always be scared to end up on that bridge until it happened again. And in that moment, I’d feel like the most invincible person in the world, ready to take the leap of faith.

But that wasn’t a way to live. My own mother shouldn’t make me think like that. I just couldn’t. I knew my limits and Elizabeth Griffin-Malton was one of them. I looked down at my phone and typed a quick response before hitting send.

I didn’t even care about my typos at the end, I was too frustrated and tired to give a shit. I clicked the power button

I didn’t even care about my typos at the end, I was too frustrated and tired to give a shit. I clicked the power button and stuck it in my back pocket before settling back into Beck’s touch. “I love you, Beckett,” I murmured and for once I meant it as a friend. Beck was family and without him I would be alone. I didn’t care if I had romantic feelings for him, in that moment all I needed was Beck as a friend and a support system, because that was everything for me.

“I love you too, Danny. Don’t ever forget that.”

I had my new family, and that’s all I needed.