Chapter 93: Shut Down

Torin’s pov

We went home after the whole memory ordeal at the cabin, and Raelyn just shut down as soon as she sat down in the car.

I drove us to the hotel, and she walked with me to the room, but it was like she wasn’t really there.

Normally, I could sense whatever she was feeling through our bond, but either she put up walls or all she felt was numb, because I couldn’t feel anything coming from her.

I tried my best to be there. To hold her, expecting her to cry or talk or anything, but she was staring ahead most of the time.

It freaked me out.

I even texted Willow, asking if it could be a side effect from the spell.

“Maybe we should take a shower?” I suggested as I waited for Willow to text back.

No reply. Instead, Raelyn grabbed the blanket and placed it over her body, like a cocoon from the world.

From me?

I shouldn’t take this personally, but it felt like she wasn’t just shutting everything and everyone out, but me as well.

“No,” was all Willow texted me back.

Great.

So Raelyn is overwhelmed.

Okay… be supportive. Be there. Be ready for when she does want to talk.

So that’s what I did. I lay behind my mate, placed my arms around her, and told her I was here for her.

I must have dozed off, because when I opened my eyes it was dark in the room, and it felt like I got smacked in the face with every emotion possible at once.

Panic, fear, sadness, anger. It was overwhelming. I shielded myself from Raelyn’s emotions, putting up my wall just for a moment. I can’t help her if I feel overwhelmed as well.

Then I smelled salt. Salty tears.

I removed the blanket cocoon and turned my mate around. She crawled into me, her face into my chest, and began to weep.

“Why?!”

I waited for the cries to stop, knowing there was no point in me saying anything or asking any questions. It wasn’t easy. It doesn’t come naturally to me to just sit and wait.

I want to fix everything, and I want to fix it now.

But Mom once told me that women often don’t need to be fixed; they need to be heard.

So I waited.

“Why?” This time it came out so soft, like she was a little girl asking for her mom.

“Why what, Rae?”

“Why did they have to die?” Her voice broke as her words came out with every shaky breath.

“Oooh, my sweet dimples.” I held her tight. I had no answers anyway.

“Siyo seems to think I’m here for something more. To claim my rightful place, but it doesn’t feel like it.” Raelyn said after taking a deep breath.

She wiped the tears away as she looked up at me, “do I have to?”

I shook my head, “you don’t have to do anything, Rae.”

“But my parents… And everyone before them who died… Don’t they deserve to be remembered? Don’t they deserve to be avenged?”

I chuckled darkly, “avenged? You are too kind to avenge anyone.”

“I don’t want to avenge anyone.”

“But?”

Raelyn sighed, “you said their current alpha is mean. These are my people, right? Like you had your people? Your pack. This was supposed to be mine. My family.”

“Do you feel any loyalty to them?” I asked as I placed some hair that was sticking to Raelyn’s face behind her head. Her whole face was covered in dried-up tears. My poor little mate.

I felt this urge to turn into my wolf, just so I could lick her clean.

But that would be weird.

“I don’t know. Yes… Maybe? I am really confused, Tor. It’s too much. I just want to go home. But I don’t even know where that is. And I don’t think I’m the right person for the job. If it were you, then things would be different.”

I kissed the top of Raelyn’s head, “I will be there standing next to you, but it’s not my place. Not my mission or quest or whatever. My quest is to follow you. To protect you, to be there for you. But it’s not to take your place or make the decisions.”

“I’m not good at making decisions. I have never made any decisions.”

“You choose to leave Dylan,” I reminded Raelyn. “You choose to go on runs with me. You choose to mate with me. You choose me. I think you’re pretty good at making decisions.”

Raelyn rolled her eyes as a small smile crept on her face, “so, every decision about you, basically.”

I sighed and took her face into my hands, “I can help form a plan. So can Enya and Willow. But you are the one who has to make the tough calls.”

“I don’t even know where to start. I.. I don’t think I want any of it.” I waited knowing there was more coming. “But Teddy was hurt by his alpha… What if they treat the pack badly? And the other alpha is mean too. What if I’m their only hope?”

“Well,” I kissed her lips gently, “we can either start with your dad or with your mom. And since we’re close to the Moon Valley pack, maybe it’s time we visited your father’s pack and see what else we can find out about your dad and the rest of your family.”

Raelyn swallowed and nodded, then paused to look at me, uncertainty in her eyes. “But what if they don’t like me?”

I growled lowly, “they don’t need to like you. They need to respect you. And they will, one way or another.”

“You can’t kill an entire pack.” Raelyn pointed out. She could feel my desire to end the life of anyone who treated her badly. She might be too kind, but I have no problem killing anyone who disrespects my mate.

“We can. Maybe not me alone. But you, me, and Willow? Well, and Enya, she’s an okay fighter, I guess, and has alpha blood. But we could definitely get rid of everyone of rank in that little pack if we wanted to.”

I lowered my walls as I saw realization hit Raelyn’s face at the same time as I saw a mixture of awe and fear. “We’re that strong?”

“You’re that strong, dimples. You won’t even need to fight once you learn to harness your aura. You will be able to force anyone to bow down to you.”

She shook her cute little head, “no. I don’t want to force people to bow down.”

“Exactly why you’re the queen. Remember what Willow said? That I’m your mate not because I can protect you, but because of my heart. I believe the Moon Goddess has a plan. She gives power to those who deserve it.”

“Please don’t say things like that, Torin. It adds even more pressure, and it makes me dislike the goddess. Like, really, did I need to lose everyone for some power?”

I smiled at my mate, “I’m saying if you weren’t deserving, you wouldn’t have gotten Siyo as your wolf. The Goddess has no power over anyone's choices; she simply placed a powerful wolf with a human who deserved it.”

“Mmm…. I don’t know.” Raelyn was still adjusting to the whole Goddess thing, and I get that.

But it’s the Goddess that pairs mates, and it’s the Goddess that chooses our wolves. At least, that’s what we are told.  To me, it makes sense.

And while I believe our lives aren’t set in stone and we choose our own destiny, I do think the Goddess helps us where she can.

“But first we shower,” I told my mate. “Because I have been resisting the urge to lick your face clean for the last half hour. I think it’s my wolf, but it could just be me. I don’t like seeing you sad.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault, Rae. You’re allowed to be sad. I just wish I could protect you from it.”

Raelyn snuggled against me, “shower sounds good.”

I held my mate, waiting until she let go, only to realize she had fallen asleep again. Crying makes you tired, I guess. Well, the shower can wait until later.

I closed my eyes, feeling hopeful for Raelyn's future. And I'll be there every step of the way.