Chapter 325
Chapter 325
James POV
August 30
Mom's condition has gradually stabilized. She's sleeping longer and longer, hardly suffering from insomnia anymore.
That's a good thing.
But I've become more and more afraid to be alone with her. I can't even bring myself to sit at the same table for meals...
---
September 15
"Just be with Robert. Forget about James. Even when he comes back from studying abroad, you won't be good enough for him anymore. You two are from different worlds now."
I've lost count of how many times Mom has said this.
I thought I'd accepted it, but my heart still ached.
I told Mom I understood.
Then I washed the dishes, cleaned the house, did my homework, and stared into space.
I don't want to think about anything anymore.
I feel like I've become a hollow shell, a living corpse without a heart.
---
October 11
Tomorrow is Columbus Day.
I heard Jane and James are both coming back.
I don't want to see them anymore.
Being alone and quiet—that's fine.
---
October 12
James really did come back.
Mom said since I'd come to my senses, I should go break off the engagement.
I don't want to.
Mom booked a plane ticket and insisted I go.
I took a cold shower and got seriously sick.
This time, it didn't make Mom happy.
---
October 17
I recovered from my illness.
James left.
Mom doesn't have to push me anymore.
---
October 25
James won the Nobel Prize in Economics.
Standing on that stage, he was absolutely radiant.
---
After that, the entries were almost entirely about my activities.
Diana rarely wrote about her own feelings anymore.
Occasionally there were pages with just a date at the top, followed by blank space.
As if all her troubles weren't worth writing down anymore.
As if true suffering was beyond words.
I flipped through those blank pages, my heart twisting with pain.
She'd been there for every important moment in my life.
She'd followed everything about me.
And I had no idea what she'd been going through.
She was only seventeen. How did she survive it all?
Over and over, she tried to fly, only to have her wings clipped.
Over and over, she tried to break free, only to have her edges worn down.
Every spark of light snuffed out in the darkness.
Until finally, she stopped even wanting to fly.
In that moment, I finally understood Diana's silence.
She was always lost in thought, always seeming to carry the weight of unspoken worries. When I asked what she was thinking, she'd just smile and say, "Nothing."
That must have been her default state all those years.
All that hurt she carried—who could she tell?
She had no one to talk to.
She only had this journal.
But then one day, she couldn't even confide in this journal anymore...
---
Diana's personal thoughts reappeared on January 10 of the following year.
The handwriting was messy, but still recognizably hers:
January 1
In the end, I gave in. I'm listening to Mom and breaking off the engagement.
But I still want to ask James what he thinks.
If he wants to break it off too, then we'll end it.
James will be happy. Mom will be happy.
Maybe when James and Jane get together, Jane will be happy too.
As for me...
It doesn't matter.
---
My hands trembled as I turned to the next page.
Before I could read the entry, a plane ticket slipped out from between the pages.
I picked it up, saw the name and date, and felt a jolt of shock.
I couldn't have forgotten this date.
January 11 that year—one week before she came to the Howard family to break off the engagement.
I held my breath as I read on.
January 11
Late at night, I boarded a plane to Emberlyn alone.
I want to be brave, just this once.
If James doesn't want to break the engagement, then I won't either.
I'll fight to the end.
---
This was the bravest she'd ever been in this entire journal.
And I never imagined it was for me.
But why did she come all the way to Emberlyn and not find me?
The questions multiplied in my mind.
I turned to the next page...
I thought I'd find the answer.
Instead, the next page contained only a few short lines.
The words looked like they'd been soaked with tears over and over, the ink smudged and blurred.
Based on her handwriting patterns and style, I pieced together the words:
I finally understand what love is.
My love ended before it even began.
I'm leaving, James. Goodbye.
And I wish you happiness.
---
Tucked beneath it was another plane ticket—Emberlyn to Moly City, dated the next day, January 12, late at night.
I could almost picture her, a young woman sitting alone in the departure lounge waiting for her flight in the dead of night.
But I didn't know why.
Diana had come all the way to Emberlyn to get an answer from me, but she never saw me?
And she wished me happiness?
What the hell happened?
Just as confusion overwhelmed me, the bathroom door opened.
Diana emerged from her shower.
She was wearing a nightgown, towel-drying the ends of her hair as she walked out. "Did you look? What did Jane send me?"
I slowly turned to face her.
---
Diana POV
I met his slightly reddened eyes and froze.
Had he been crying?
I was about to ask when my gaze fell on the notebook in his hands.
That familiar notebook. That familiar handwriting. My whole body went rigid.
I immediately crossed the room and snatched my journal away, clutching it to my chest as I glared at him. "Why are you reading my diary?"
He looked at me without speaking.
I glanced down at the journal in my arms, then back at him. "Did you... read the whole thing?"
"Yes."
His gaze locked onto mine. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"There's nothing to tell."
My voice came out barely above a whisper. I set the notebook aside and went back to drying my hair.
He stood and walked toward me.
His intensity made me take a step back.
He reached out, wrapped an arm around my waist, and pulled me against him.
He looked down at me. "If I hadn't found this today, how long were you planning to keep this from me?"
"Forever."
I told him the truth.
His jaw tightened visibly. He was clearly pissed.
That look suggested he planned to settle this with me later.
He picked up the two plane tickets, his finger tapping the paper. "You came all the way to Emberlyn. Why didn't you come see me?"
I pressed my lips together and stayed silent.
"Answer me!"
His command came out sharp, almost harsh.
That sparked my own anger. I glared at him. "What do you want me to say? Weren't you the one who said Jane would be the perfect match for an arranged marriage as the family heir? You said our engagement was just something our families arranged, that you didn't even like me. Those were your exact words. Did you forget?"